Don't be a hater....

I get to give a baby a circumcision @ 11:30.

I know this is something you've always dreamed of doing. Don't be jealous :)

Happiest of fun times....

this Holiday season to all of you.


Now I don't know about you, but I hate this time of the year. I'm never financally stable enough to buy presents, holidays seem to bring out the WORST in people and make them mean as heck, and there just doesn't seem to be enough time to jam everyone you want to see into the holiday season.

This year I've already pinched a nerve in my shoulder with the thoughts of the holidays, can you spell S-T-R-E-S-S!!! I know I can. I can't wait for this weekend though. 3 days off!! Do you know how long it's been since I had 3 DAYS OFF of both my jobs?!

Niether do I that's how long it's been. I plan to start the festivites of with getting toasty with my family (and by toasty I mean tipsy) then moving right along to mimosas and bloddy marys with the Wimmers, and then back to being toasty with my family. Monday I'll recover in the arms of the man I love most. There are talks in the works about going to the movies, but maybe a nice picnic on the floor in front of the fire is an even better idea.

Must go, lifes to save and all :)

This shite is funny....

Now I don't post links too often but how could I resist.

For those of you whom are my friends and DJ's you know I love you but this is FUNNY!

http://blaggblogg.blogspot.com/2005/04/look-nobody-cares-that-youre-dj.html

And just so there's no hard feelings I'll post this one as well...since it makes fun of me too...

http://blaggblogg.blogspot.com/2005/03/notes-from-disgruntled-ex-server.html


Sometimes the truth hurts....and sometimes the truth is funny as hell....

Happy Turkey Day!

I've often wondered why people call it that. Yes, I'm aware we have turkey on Thanksgiving, but really it's so much more than that. It's easy to lose track of all the good things to be thankful for when there's so much to worry about in life...trust me I know I'm a worrier just like my mother.

But this year I choose to reflect on the good....

My things to be thankful for:

1. My 91.9% I got on my MA certification exam!
2. My perfect score on my clinical exam!
3. My wonderful boyfriend who supported and put up with me through all of this....especially the last few months of me being a crazy person.
4. My wonderful family who supported my decsion to go back to school.
5. My soon to be new career in the medical feild.
6. My new found friends from school...Gemma, Liz, Hinna, Jessica...this means you!
7. and most important...my new found communication with my brother Rich. It's strange to know you have family out there you know NOTHING about. I'm glad I took the time to write that first email to get to know someone I've wanted to know for years. Everyone can use an extra shoulder to lean or cry on when the going gets rough...or just to make you laugh at the exact moment you need it. Hopefully we can develop that kind of relationship, he seems to need one at this point in time in his life....and I could always use one myself :)

I suppose as horribly as 2005 started, it hasn't ended so badly.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

I've got one thing to say....

First of all who ever can tell me what song that's from....I'm laughing my ass off!

OK....I've got lots to say so we'll just go by name....

Chris: Thank you SO much for dealing with me these last few months. It's been rough....REAL ROUGH. My tension level was high, my stress level was off the charts & yet you stuck by me even when I was being a real bitch. You being supportive, loving, and calm for me has been a god-send. I appricate you everyday, even if I don't show it as well as I should or could. Sometimes my brain just shuts down by the end of the day. I love you very much and I'm glad you came into my life when you did.

Liz...or Mary...or Mary Liz....whatever: You are a beautiful, intelligent, amazing women and I don't want you to ever forget that. You have a strange way of selling yourself short. You have more confidence in your little finger than most people have in their whole bodies, and for that, you'll go so far. NEVER under-estimate yourself. I see you and your daugther in a really good place, not too long from now. Keep your firey sprit and you will be everything you want to be and more. You were dealt a set of cards that weren't very kind, but you've worked with it. Your making the right decsions, don't let silly things (like the crap that goes on at Olympia) get in your way. Make it work for you! You will be more prepared than you think you are.

Hinna: OH BOY! When I first met you I didn't know if I liked you or wanted to punch you, but that soon faded. You my dear under-estimate yourself daily. You are a beautiful person, and I can see why you and Liz have been friends for years. You need to see all the things that are in you. You are full of class and elegance and you need to let that shine though more. Don't let the wrong people influence you. You have the ability to be a very successful independent women, you just need to believe it yourself. I have such faith in you, I hope you have as much faith in yourself, and if you don't now....maybe someday you'll have that awakening. Just like I told Liz, make sure nothing gets in the way of YOU. Married or not, you have to take care of you first. Your on the right track, stay on it, make it work for you....you will have more confidence and surprize yourself.

Jessica: Your are the most giggly person I have ever met! But, you made me laugh everyday....well everyday you showed up and didn't fall asleep. You are going to go far because you are so caring of others, freinds and family alike. Don't let anyone tell you different. You started school because of one friend, lost that friend, but gained SO much more, for the positive. Keep it up, stop falling asleep......or I'll have to come to lecture everyday just to wake you up :)

Beth: What you think you can just change your cell phone and not call a girl! Ok, so you emailed me, but I'm your best friend....you will have to call me sometime! We both have crazy schedules, we have to start making some time for each other. I love you girl and I miss you terribly. Sometime before your wedding I'd like to meet your boyfriend :) Lifes too short not to want to have dinner with good friends now and then.

Gemina: You my dear have helped me SO much with school, the intership, and just being there to have someone to talk to. You rock! I couldn't have done have of what I can do without you. THANK YOU! You'll be great at your new job....I know, you taught me :)

TFK: You are doing so well with school, even if you are plagerizing....I'm proud your back on track. Your a good friend and I miss hanging with you. Now that the insanity is done, you are expected to come around more often. It's free to hang at my house :)

Dayne: I don't get you sometimes....yes, I promised I wouldn't write about you, but I lied. I have been trying to be your friend, make you feel comfortable about talking with me, and make you and Carla understand I'm not mad anymore. My family misses you, they considered you one of their own...and still do. But yet, you were the one person I expected to wish me good luck with all of this, and the one person who didn't. No bitterness, just disappointment. I hope you know you will always have a space in my life if you want it. Granted, I don't want it like it was, I'm very happy with Chris.....but I would like it if you could look me in the face again when you do attempt to say hello, or even try and talk to me....I won't hurt you, not anymore :)

Heather: You have become one of my best friends over the last year or so, and I'm so happy that I have someone like you in my life. You inpired me to go back to school. I hope you know how great it is your doing something so positive with your life. When does the slumber party begin where we get to annoy the hell out of Chris :)

Wow, there's a lot more to say, but it's after midnight, and I'm whipped out.....so off to bed I go.
Oh and no making fun of the spelling errors, I can't spell check with this weak connection I'm stealing :)

I can do it!

Only 3 days left after today. THREE people!

That includes Mod P. I start my internship on Thursday the 17th and my last day of work at NA is Tuesday. I'm starting to get really nervous about this, but I think I can do it.....

But on a good note...Gemmina got a job! YEAH GEMMINA! And it's right over by my day job (too bad I'll be gone for the next 5 weeks!) It pays really well too, so she's well on her way to being a big girl now :)

Chris and I joined Lifetime Fitness, I have yet to be able to go, due to the ridiculous (or riccockulous) scheudle I have, but it's WAY too expensive not to go, so I'll be going as of Thursday. LOTS of life changes to come into....

....must take a deep breath and pull them all in.

Last weekend

Strange things happen to me when I go out. I should know better....

So last weekend was Halloween, wasn't planning on going out, but got bored and decided to go to a party I was invited to.

apparently it was 'boobs on parade' night, and I did NOT get the memo, but I made due. After a while I felt the itch to dance a bit with others, so I did. Next thing I know I'm the only one dancing with others watching...not strange or new, happens sometimes...

Well I was kinda diggin the music, a little industrial remixs of 80's songs by groups like KMFDM and Lords of Acid, so I started discussing the music with the guy that brought it.

20 minutes later the 'strangeness' begins.

Out of NOWHERE he says ... we should be fu*@ing by now....

my response....ummm...WHAT?

I blow it off and continue to talk. By the THIRD...YES THIRD time he says it. I say, did you not hear me the first two times, I'm pretty sure my boyfriend wouldn't like that too much AND I'm positive I'm not interested.

He says to me (READY...) My wife doesn't care, she's sitting 20 feet from you.

Now my head is screaming run now! But there's no where to go, his wife then comes over and says, hon, are you staying or leaving.

....LEAVING....

He got up to talk to her and go to the washroom, and I BOOKED.

Sorry, thanks for inviting me to your party, but I didn't need the invite into the drama.

Well I would have a lot to write if I had more TIME! I'm going to try and update at work today to post for tomorrow.

In the mean time I can tell you I gushed blood out of my arm and all over my clothes today at school. :)

I KNOW you wanted to know that!

After today 9 days left!!

It's been a LONG week, and it just keeps getting worse.

So my day for today constists of .... school 5am, work 8:30 to 5:30, bartend 6:00 to midnight. Saturday 10am MA certification test, bartend, HOMEWORK, laundry, housecleaning for the rest of the weekend.

I'm a party girl!

I almost can't wait till this school thing is over just so I can go back to my naughty girl ways...at least somewhat anyway.

ONLY 2 MORE weeks!!!

THAT'S 10 DAYS PEOPLE!!!

And sadness enters....

For those of you who haven't heard.....

My grandfather, Ronnie Smith, passed yesterday at 8:10am.

For those of you who met him, you know he was one of the quirkiest, stubbornness, thrifiest, and FINEST men you will ever meet.

He had a lot of love in his heart, enough for even those who didn't express it back. Through the years of toughing out 8 years of cancer, he keep hope in his heart, love on his mind, and goodness in his soul. He would've done anything for anyone, even if he didn't have it to give he would give you the last dollar he had if it would've helped you. He lived through 8, nearly 9, decades and saw more in his lifetime than most of us can think of seeing in two.

The doctors named him the Energizer Bunny due to his living through 3 types of cancer, and still kickin'. But in the end, his heart just couldn't hold so much love anymore and finally let his soul go in peace.

My grandfather is now reunited with the only women he ever loved. I wish I had the chance to say goodbye to him, but I'm sure he knows we were all there in spirit.

I'll miss you Grandpa.

I love you.

My Karma has been ....

set straight.....

I promised I wouldn't take about 'him' but I figurged, it's not his choice....
I'm posting an email between me and the Brit's new love....

Toni, is Carla's best friend
Dayne is my ex
And Carla is the newbie

I flipped it for you so you can read straight down

-----Original Message-----
From: Dawn
Sent: Friday, October 07, 2005 3:49 PM
To: Toni
Subject:

I just stopped by to see you, but you weren't there....

Ok, this might seem really strange coming from me and all, but I think everyone deserves to hear a nice compliment when warranted. I saw Carla this morning and this afternoon, and I'm not sure if did something different than usual, but I couldn't help but to notice she looks particularly beautiful today. She really is a striking women. If you talk to her, let her know, I'm not the only one who noticed (and it didn't have to come from me if that would be weird.)

-----Original Message-----
From: Toni
Sent: Friday, October 07, 2005 4:02 PM
To: Carla
Subject: FW:

Hey - check out the nice compliment you got below. I thought that was really nice of her.
Toni

-----Original Message-----
From: Carla
Sent: Friday, October 07, 2005 4:16 PM
To: Dawn
Subject: FW:

I guess I have to say I am very humbled as I don't look or think of myself that way.

Thank you.

Unexpected surprises are always nice, thank you again.

-----Original Message-----
From: Dawn
Sent: Friday, October 07, 2005 4:21 PM
To: Carla
Subject: RE:

Although we've had animosity between the two of us, I hold nothing against you or Dayne. I admit I WAS bitter, but that has long since pasted.

I have always thought of you as a very striking women, one of the reasons I was quite jealous in the first place, just ask Dayne. You should hold yourself in higher regard because you do deserve it. And your very welcome.

-----Original Message-----
From: Carla
Sent: Monday, October 10, 2005 9:49 AM
To: Dawn
Subject: FW:

I can completely understand how you felt and how it may have looked. However, at no time were Dayne and I together while you two were together. Nevertheless, I am very aware that any break-up is difficult, much less when working together. There really never was animosity on my part, I just understood how you must have felt and didn't want to incur any further animosity (as you put it).
I Thank you again for your kind words.

-----Original Message-----
To: Carla
Sent : Monday, October 10,2005 10:15am

Dayne and I were involved even after our break up and a lot of things lead me to believe, in my own head, we were getting back together, but honestly I don't want to get into all that. What's done is done. Dayne is truly a good person with a big heart and I just wasn't meant to fill that place he had open in it. Since then, I have found myself in a really good place and happier than I've ever been, and he seems to be very happy with you as well. I'm glad you two have found each other....just wish it would have been not in the work place like you said. That was the hard part.

Sorry Gemina!!!

No post. No time, Maranda is letting us go early...so I'm off to work.

I need all the money I can get!!!

How do you make....

the pain go away!

I'm suffering through the last few days of migrane city. Chris has been wonderfully supportive of me and my crankyness, I'm not too pleasant when I can't focus my eyes, move my neck or have severe sensativity to the light. But on top of it, I'm also PMSing...yeah!

Funk you hormones I hate you. I would have given anything to stay in bed today, but there's a test to be had and stuff to be done at work. Maybe I'll go home a little early ... maybe ...

Don'ca.....

I know, I know....

I said I'd spend more time with these posts, but I haven't....I'm a slacker.

Actually truth is, I got busier at work. A fellow rep was promoted to my new boss, so therefore her work had to be distributed. Since I already covered the 2 major accounts, it only made sense to transfer them to me. Millard and Burger King are all mine, problem is now my phone rings twice as much. Oh well, the days FLY by!!

On top of that, I do have a new relationship on my hands. With Chris it's nice cause I don't feel like I have to 'WORK' on our relationship, it just kinda happens naturally. I nautrally love talking to him and expressing my opionon, and he does the same. We respect the fact that each one of us is allowed an opinon and we learn from each others. I naturally want to be close to him, I miss him when he isn't. I don't feel like I'm pressured into anything....including sex. It's nice to just be able to curl up next to someone and know that's OK, and they won't be groping you in a few moments. Sometimes...no sex is good too. It's great, fantastic, wonderful....we all know this is the 'beginning' still though, lets hope bitchy Dawn doesn't chase him away ...hahahahaha.... Come on laugh, you know at one point I can be pretty damn bitchy!!

Anyway, we have a busy next couple of weekends!! Bears game, wedding, Chris has drill, getting the trailer, and 2 friends with 2 different parties on 2 different days!! Cripes....until the 2nd weekend in November, were booked solid! (Honey, in case your reading this....this is your reminder of all the things we have planned)

Even more good news, after today.... SEVEN MORE WEEKS left of school!! YEAH!! I'm thrilled. I wish I had more time to post, but I don't sorry peeps...I'll try and right a long post for you later.

Like rain when the sun is shining.....

Or flowers from a friend when your down...

Or even choking on a chicken bone.....

Whether or not good or bad the unexpected jumps out and bites you suddenly without warning and you just can't seem to stop it. (Hence the fact they call it unexpected)

Well it has once again happened to me. Both good and bad.

Bad news first.Bad news is even if I do get 'granted' my leave of absence...I still have to use up ALL of my vacation and sick time first. Meaning I'm going to get paid (for at least 2 weeks anyway) BUT....if I want to take time off anytime the rest to the year, I won't be paid for it. This is where you hear me take a nice LOUD sigh. Funny, I specifically asked the head of HR about this and she said I wouldn't have to, then I read the manual....it told me differently. Grrr....I hate being run in circles.

Good news is....I have been dating the most wonderful man I've ever met. After my whole ordeal in the past year I thought there wasn't a way in HELL I was ever going to let myself out there again. Instead I find myself having more feelings for a man I've known for months than one I did for years. It's amazing to me how I don't want to be away from him. After spending the weekend together I dropped him at the train, and nearly started to cry knowing I wouldn't get to see him for at least another week.

I never thought I deserved this kind of love, but I'm glad it found me.....

I have one word.....

One word to describe the mood I've been in since I've been with Chris


HAPPY!!!!

It's so amazing how one person can make you feel so important, wanted, needed, nervous, and cared for.

I'm think I might be falling for this guy

No time .... there's never any time!!!

Ok, just to keep you a little updated.

All your finger crossing worked ... thanks guys ;)

Barb and Chris have called it quits, and in the last week or so Chris and I have decided that one, I don't have enough free time, but two...that we have no desire to see other people either.

So I'm offically part of a couple again ... a couple of what? ... we're not sure, but we are characters that's for sure. I'm very happy with this man, he makes me so comfortable and content.... hopefully things continue in this way. I seem to make him just as happy.

This one's for Beth ... He gives me foot massages after working at Bennigans all damn day! It's the best!!! He's good to me babe, really good to me.

There's more to tell...but for now I just wanted to keep you in the loop.

Ok, so I erased the old blog and am typing a new one today, that's Friday for those of you who are slow.

Update is, Chris and I have failed at resisting temptation and have begun to see each other. You'd think I learned my lesson from being burned once....but no I like to put my hand on a hot stove repeatedly apparently.

Just so you know there have been talks about our situation. Not quite long enough to figure out what direction we both will be choosing to move in, but long enough to realize what we've gotten ourselves into and are adult enough to not blame each other for getting us here.

He's SUCH a great guy. (Present circumstances excluded) and there are so many more details involved than just the brushing of the surface. He make me forget about my schedule of crazy events!! WHO can do that!? I don't want to run around like a crazy person with this man, I want to lay around with him all day, I want to look into his eyes and try and guess what he's thinking. Oh goodness I just heard how cheesy that sounded! (just to save myself, knowing Chris he's probably thinking about sex or nekidness)

No this is NOT like the last time. I'm well prepared for this one because of the last one ... and this one isn't married. I am prepared to be this guys friend for life if he chooses to go with his current standing. I am also prepared to try and make this man really happy if he does choose to be with me.

He already makes me feel like a schoolgirl, giddy, giggly, and just plain STUPID....

He called me today, even though I didn't expect to hear from him till Sunday since she's in town from Alabama. He called me at work, just to tell me he was thinking about me.

Gave me goose bumps and nearly made me cry due to the 'sweetness' factor of it.

I'm pathetic, but I like this guy....

Do me a favor huh?!

Cross your fingers this time I win?!

I'm dumb

Guess who forgot to send herself her blog posting for today?! ME!

I'll give ya a quick version to catch you all up a bit.

My crush has turned into more than a crush ... flirting turned to much more than the innocence and talking has gotten much deeper.

Now the real problems begin.

Shut up Beth I can hear you from here.....

I promise.... Monday

And by then I'll know a little more too.

WOW!!

There's a lot to write, and not enough time in this hour ... so basically you will all have to wait till Friday to hear. Sit on the edge of your seat and wait for me ;)

Tales from last week ...

**New Stuff coming tomorrow.....maybe**

It was harmless.

Two people enjoying each others company. Sharing personal interests, life memories, ridiculous stories, and catching a few glances of built up tension between the two of them.

It was just a meal, just lunch, but I never wanted to leave that booth. For the first time in months, I felt content, happy, relaxed, and I didn't have a care in the world. I knew if I left that booth I had to face the real world and my hectic life all over again.

You actually made me forget I had homework to do, bathrooms to clean, and errands to run. Taking my mind off high gear is no easy task, but you did it.

Maybe it was all the boat talk & the sailing magazines that magically made me float away from the gray in my life into a state of carefree happiness.

Maybe I'm a sucker for a guy who can make me laugh.

Maybe it's the lack of sleep and all the work I've been doing that's making me forget the reality of our relationship for brief moments of time.

Maybe I just can't resist making my life complicated I just can't resist you.I'm weak, I admit it. I can't help but to want to know everything about you and your life. I feel like I want to ask you a million questions about your life, your loves, your memories. I can't get seem to get enough ... even though I should walk away now, I can't help but to want to be a part of your life. Even if it is a secret part.

I don't know if you can 'thank' someone for being a aspect in your life, but I'm glad your part of mine.

I'm a little pathetic I'll have to admit!

But in all honesty it feels good to be honest with feelings like that.This is how I feel about a guy, a guy I can't possibly have, but it's ok for me to feel this way.

I have loved and lost many times in my life each and every one of them hold a special place in my heart.Rob, the high school boyfriend, Anthony, my first 'real' relationship, Eric J., nothing like falling for you best friend, and the Brit. All of them loved me in a different way and opened my eyes and heart to new experiences and feelings....I'm grateful. All of these men I couldn't have for different reasons.

Now don't get me wrong....I'm not in love by any means of the word.

I admit I'm in lust though, a deep infatuation ......and it is good.....

My best friend is going through some love 'issues' of his own. I cross my fingers and hope for the best since I know what heartbreak feels like and I don't think he has ever experienced true and painful heartbreak.

He's so cute when he talks about her. Sounds like me when I used to talk about him back in the day. I hope the best for him, I don't see it being the best love for him ... could be I'm biased. I'll tell you what though ... I'll kill her if she is playing him like it sounds like she's doing.

I wish him the best in love cause I love him

So why did I start a blog in the first place.

Well, it's simple...even though my posts are few and far between on here I do write everyday at home (or nearly anyway).

It's my release, my therapy if you will. I've been doing it for years to relieve stress in my life. Seems when put it on paper it eases the real life situation.

I always used my blog as a goof for keeping friends and family updated on my life. Since there's a little bit of my parents genetic makeup all over this fine US of A I figured I'd keep them updated this way. Well, now I'm pretty certain that I can count on one hand how many people I know that actually read this blog. So why not get a little more serious with my writing.....

Do I really have anything that personal to hide? Not really.

Do the people who still read the blog know most of it anyway? Yep.

'Inspiration from late night'....my last post, was actually something taken from my Nothingness book (aka diary, journal, whatever) I felt a bit of relief posting what was wandering around in my head. Like when you have a secret and you get the chance to say it out loud and you feel this weight being lifted.

I admit to all of you 5 who still read, you got a taste of "me" when the ex and I parted ways. In all honesty that really was my bitterness ... and lack of self-control after finding out he still read the blog. I mean really come on girls, if you had a chance to trash your ex, AND knew he was going to read it in cyberspace wouldn't you?

As much "fun" as that may have been, I'm over it. I do care for the guy and hope he has a happy life, with or without me in it. We had different views on how we wanted our lives to be, so I can't say that I blame him in the slightest. Took me a bit to get to that point, but here I am and it's a nice place to be. Chapter done.

Now opening a new chapter in my book of life. The "ME" chapter. I have to admit I'm being QUITE selfish as of late. So selfish I see it in myself. Now just in my own defense, school and work take a considerable amount of time, so the little bit of free time I do have I find myself hoarding it like a fat kid with cake.

I used to be ok with driving 3 hours to spend a few hours to hang with some people for the day. I used to all the time! Beth in Minooka, Eric in Joliet, Jeremy in Madison, even my own 'crew' of friends lived at least 45 minutes from my residence. Now I want people to come to me. Maybe it's from years of going to other people of I wanted to be social, but still .. no excuse. I apologize, but it's probably going to be like this for the next few months too.

Now, I love to see my friends, families, and/or potential lovers (wishful thinking aren't I?) It's more of a, I spent $700 a month on an apartment I see maybe 8 hours a day. 6 of the 8 are spent sleeping. So maybe it is selfish, but I like my home and since I don't see it too often, so I get a little greedy about wanting to curl up on my couch when I have free moments. For now, it works for me, eventually I'll have to give in if I want to have a social life and or lover ever again. But for now, it's going to have to work this way. IF your into weekends in, watching movies, early bedtimes, and dealing with me working ridiculous hours to have lazy Sunday afternoons reading on the balcony (dodging bees) ... stop on by, door's always open for company ....

And, I promise, next chapter ... I'll try and make it the all about "you" chapter just to make up for it.

Inspiration from late night.....

Sometime I think Carrie Bradshaw had it right.

Maybe it's not relationships I'm addicted to, maybe it's the pain.

A certain someone used to tell me I never seemed happy and could find the 'wrong/bad' in anything. Maybe he was right.

I seem to put myself in a serious of 'problem' situations. I seem to meet great guys who are committed to something/someone else. Part of me says, who cares, the other part asks me what the hell I'm doing.

Do I really go out and look to be with the unavailable to make myself miserable in a sense? Do I find myself only attracted to what I know I can't have just for the simple fact I know at one point it's going to end in heartbreak for me?

Somehow in my twisted reality do I like being the 'other' in someone's life? Is it the thrill? The chase? The feeling that someone else is risking what they have to be with me? Or maybe it's that fear of commitment. If they aren't available I don't have to let them behind the emotional 'wall' I put up years ago. Where as they're physically unavailable I'm emotionally unavailable. Good match huh? That wall's never comin' down.

I have yet to even decide if this is a bad thing or not. Granted it's not going to get me into a healthy relationship by any means. Once a cheater always a cheater ... we've all figured that out the hard way haven't we? But in the mean time, is it ok to just have fun and not worry about the complicated morals of it all?

Mind you, I am NOT out to hurt anyone. I know what it feels like to be deceived....but isn't that his problem to worry about not mine? Someone else also once told me you can't help who your attracted to. While I'm a believer in the fact you can help who you date, you can't control who your chemistry bubbles over with.

As adults we should be able to "control" these feelings when they happen, but who says we HAVE to. It's obvious most of the men in my life have never lived by the "control" rule, and they seem to be perfectly happy and content with themselves.

I on the other hand have lived and died by this rule (although accused differently on several occasions). Yet, I seem to be the one who's single, and not loving it so much. Granted I'm not looking to get married today, tomorrow, or hell in the next 10 years even, but to come home and share my crappy day or my funny story with someone would be nice. Not to mention feeling someone's warm skin against mine on occasion is a definite bonus.

I don't know, maybe you go for it knowing where it's going to lead and just hope your not so disappointed when you get there. All I know is I can't possibly feel like this for no reason.

Ahhh...Limbo here I am again.

S-T-R-E-S-S

WHAT A WEEK!

I went from being de-stressed over the weekend to re-stressed and crying by Tuesday. DAMN!!

Didn't help I couldn't sleep well Sunday and Monday, I couldn't't get my mind off a certain someone. Then Tuesday I lost my mind... sobbing in the bathroom at work. About work, not the certain someone of course.

Wednesday wasn't much better, but the evening did have some DEFINITE positive sides.

Dinner with Heather, Steve, and David for one. Starting out with drinks is always a good thing, then fabulous food, and even better company! Just what I needed to round out my crappy week of cluster-funks! And to top it off, I received a phone call right before dinner that I couldn't wait to return.

Flashing forward to after dinner ... I returned my phone call.

Let's just say it was nearly 10 before I went to bed, and I don't stay up that late for anybody. I woke up with a smile on my face again, late but with a smile on my face. I think he did discover my talent for talking too much when I'm nervous.

Damn him for being taken.

Don't worry there has been no pressure from either side for anything more than for us to be friends.... Just happen to be friends who flirt A LOT! Nothing wrong with that, right?Now I remember why I don't date too often. I don't get the "rules". Either that or my crazy schedule. Or maybe a little of both.

My theory, romance is dead ... and I'm in mourning.

FINALLY!!!!

FRIDAY 7/29/05

Do you ever feel....out of place?!

You don't seem to "belong"?

Where your not sure why it is you do what you do and why you go where you go?

I've been feeling like that lately. Like I'm in Limbo or something.

I don't feel right coming here to North American, I just feel like an outsider looking in. I know I concentrate on school a lot. But I just feel ... weird when I come here. Like everyone is developing happy relationships around me. (work related relationships of course) I'm sure it's just my imagination and I'm being too sensitive, but it feels like it.Then there's school. My gal pals that I work with are soon to be taking a header to graduation and leaving me behind for the next 3 months alone. Well not alone, but with the goof troop. Fine if they want to waste their money, so be it, but I can't afford to play around with 10 grand. Nakki (my teach) assigned partners today, and mine....completely ignored being assigned and decided to work with someone else. Which for me is fine since she's ghetto-superstar anyway, funny one day she started talking to another gal in class about me...in Spanish, now I'm not fluent...but I got the gist.

I am aware people do dislike Gemma and I cause we take the class very seriously. I'm aware that I'm not going to get along with everyone I meet in life. I'm FULLY aware of my age/maturity level is VERY different from those in my class. I'm also well aware I snapped on them once for being rude, loud, and inconsiderate to a sub teacher. I'm fine with that....I still can work well with others even if I don't respect them as people. I do it EVERYDAY at my job (day and night). Even though I feel as though I'm a little above most of them, and I know that sounds superficial, but really I'm not trying to....I still feel strange to go to class everyday. Can I deal with it ... of course it's only 3 more months then I'll never see these women again, but still.....

Then of course there's Bennigans. Now I know I don't spend as much time as everyone else does there. I haven't in years; I just seem to have a strange vibe whenever I do go there. Like something's just not quite right. Maybe it's cause I'm outgrowing the place, I have been there for 3 years. Maybe it's cause the laziness that runs through the place that drives me insane (cough...Holly...cough). Or maybe I'm just bitter cause I thought by now I could more on from this 2 jobs working thing. Either way I just don't feel like part of the family anymore.

And speaking of families, where the heck did mine go? Now my brother Ed has never been much of chatter, but he used to AT LEAST call me on occasion to bug me. This past weekend I asked if I could come visit the kids and him.... Too busy was my answer to that question. My parents, their ok....glad I'm out of the house again that's for sure. My pops recently got a new job (after being out of work for 3 months). He's working for Pepsi Co. and loves it. But I feel like I used to talk to them so much more. I went home this weekend and you would've thought I was a stranger with how they were acting. They love me, I know that, and I love them very much too....just goes along with feeling strange as of late.

So on to other news (is this post long or what) ....Kivi got fired ... he was trying to be nice and cover someone else's arse and he forgot the #1 rule of work. CYA not anyone else's. He's doing well, but I miss him for the humor break in my stressful day. He's been kinda MIA lately as well. I know for the most part it's because I'm in school and go to bed early and wake up even earlier, but I don't see much of anyone (not just Kivi) on the weekends either. I suppose it forces me to do my school work out of pure boredom....but I do miss being social and I think that\'s a big reason why I feel so stressed. And again, I blame me for that. I choose this I gotta live with it.

I had my best day of the summer so far. Marty (my saleman/boss) told my boss we were going to visit clients for the day...and instead, he took me to the Sox game where I got to see my friend Stefanie sing the National Anthem! It was a GREAT day of playing hookie! Drinks, food, a rain delay! So much fun! But... Shhh....don't tell ...

My sister is due in August with a baby boy (Logan). I\'m very happy for her. Her and Mike are going to make great parents! I suppose the only question is can you fit a car seat on a Harley? HMMMM.....

Just an FYI in case you were wondering since January I have lost a total of 27 pounds! Was 198 now I\'m 171, and still dropping. I can FINALLY see my nice curves again. Just some belly pooch to go! YAY ME!

Well, I best be off, I'm done bitchin' about my headache I call life. 3 ½ months from now I'll look back and wonder why I felt so stressed I'm sure of it. My life is just doing some REALLY fast life changes ... happens when you're a big girl .... And my body is just emotionally adjusting to the change. Now if I could just find me a nice, strong, preferably financially stable man to throw me around a bit I think I life would be good.

OH! And just a side note to a friend (you know who you are): Thank you very much for making that phone call....although she won't tell me what you 2 talked about, she was very happy she got to speak with you, and so was I. You haven't seemed to happy as of late, could be that your sick, or stressed, or a little of both... either way, I worry, so does she. I hope after talking to her you know you do have someone to talk to here, about anything or nothing. She's a great lady, and she loves you very much, like her own son. Your family may be far away but you did become a part of another, like it or not.

Have a good week people maybe next week I'll be in a better mood. Everyday creeps further toward my goal! Cross you fingers I don't SNAP before then.

Monday 8/1/05

Oh wow....what a difference a weekend can make.As usual I tried to cram 12 things into one weekend. FUN! Work, homework, housework and a wedding.

I worked Friday night, then came home and did a little homework. Slept and up again at 9am to go back to work, but I got off early to go to Heather's mom's wedding. Nothing glamorous. Back yard party.

Kivi came with me and we spent most of the evening in the backyard drinking champagne ....or maybe that was just me...

I did get to meet the infamous Steve and David. Two guys I could see myself hanging out with again. SO much fun! I mean REALLY there's nothing like a gay man that smells my boobs and then calls my perfume! Little creepy, but it was funny as hell.

I did get to see Chris and Matt again. Matt kept us in stitches as usual, well mostly Kivi, Chris and Heather. I was busy reading Dr. Seuss with a 6 year old. I got to meet the one and only Madison (Chris's daughter)...once the other kids left she found herself new friends...namely Steve/David/and myself. She is a feisty spitfire of a little girl. Reminds me of me ... scary I know. Only difference is she could be a runway model at the ripe age of 6, so she's MUCH better at getting what she wants then I am....

Speaking of getting what I want, yep, saw Chris again, and yep, I still have a big ol' crush on him. He wasn't helping the issue much with the flirting back and encouraging me. As Kivi and Heather said you could pretty much cut the sexual tension with a knife. BUT, it just goes to show you the story of my love life. I ALWAYS want something I can't have. Just look at my past few relationships ... Eric, the guy in medical school working nights NO TIME for me or anything else for that matter, then Mike (aka Kvas) now that was one I would've loved to keep around he was amazing mentally and phyically stimulating, BUT he was also a pro-stock motorcycle racer which kept him out of town 8 months out of the year ... not to mention I don't exactly compete with track girls from all over the nation. Would've been nice to keep him in my bed, but he was bouncing around a lot, no such luck. Then the last one (I promised remember) and if you read back a few months you'll see he was married and I should've known better from the start.

All three FABULOUS men. All three I still talk too on occasion. All three were men I couldn't have to myself. As much as I would like to, all three belong to something or someone else before I came along, and I wasn't going to be able to change that.

Which brings me to my problem at hand. Chris. He's happily building a beautiful home with another women, and I can't get him out of my head. It's called setting yourself up for failure, or at least that's what I call it. I figure the more I can say I'm setting myself up the more if won't feel like a let down (not like there's anything to let down, he belongs to someone else...plain and simple.) But MAN can that man can get me giggling like a frickin' schoolgirl. Pathetic huh?

I tell you what though....even if I can't have him, he still makes me smile. And when I say smile I mean that kind you do without even realizing it when he walks in a room. He makes me laugh, and regardless of our endless flirting I think this guy and I will be friends at the very least, for quite some time. Hey...if you can't win with the having the guy to cuddle with at night, you can settle for having him make you laugh at the moment you need it most.

Well, moral of the story is...Friday, I felt like crap and pretty down. By Monday I have a big smile on my face. It's nice to feel attractive again. It's almost like having a truly amazing sexual experience. I may not have gotten THAT far, but I have a smile back on my face as if I did.And this time, I got his number (and he got mine) ...What can I say, I don't stand a chance, but I can be the queen of wishful thinking! (Or dirty fantasies... same thing right?)

Wow these computers suck

So I wrote a really long post, but I can't seem to open a Word document I sent to myself here in computer class. So you'll have to wait till tomorrow.

I'll even update it to include this weekend.....so sorry peeps one more day you'll have to wait for me.

PROTEST!!

I protest blogging until Kivi does.....ok...till Monday then.

Hello again....

There hasn't been an update in a while....so here's what's going on in the life and times of Dawn (that's me)>>

One, (and this happened a few weeks ago) I promised Dayne I wouldn't mention his name in the blog anymore, he doesn't like it....so I'm going to refrain from doing it. My theroy is if you don't like it don't read it, but him reading I suppose means he cares what's going on in my life still....so I can't knock that. Unless something nice happens, then maybe I will blog about it....but for now that chapter is done. Besides, there isn't much to say anyway, moving on is a wonderful thing.

Two, I'm kicking Kivi into high gear with his diet. I'm not sure if HE knows it yet but I am. The kid asked me for help with loosing some weight, I'm going to do what I can to help...without being pushy and making it backfire. I'll even cook for the guy to give him a break from all the Subway :-) Well, as soon as I can get to the grocery store that is.

Three, Dan is STILL calling me, funny thing though, I never gave him my actual phone number just my direct connect. So when he calls...this time from the gas station down the street, it was pretty creepy. I may have to have TFK move in just for the protection. But then I'd have to turn my air conditioner on and that wouldn't be good....damn you double edged sword.

Four, school is going really well lately...mainly cause Maranda tends to tell us exactly what's on the tests. But I'm ok with that....ok not fully ok cause sometimes I think I'm memorizing instead of learning, but I made the directors honor roll, who am I to complain. Yeah for A\'s! My normal teacher is coming back in 2 weeks so we'll see if I can attempt to keep it up.

Five, work is work ... boring and busy. Nothing like getting chewed out because Starbucks didn't get their cups. Here are some things I here at work that I want to shoot myself when I hear them:

Startbucks customer: )'I didn\'t order a 12 oz Plastic Starbucks Tumbler
ME: 'Ok not a problem, what is it that you needed and we'll have them switched out for you
Starbucks customer: I needed a 12oz Plastic Starbucks cup
My thought: ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!

Salesmen: Well their actually getting more sheets per case with this toilet paper
ME: But it went from 96 rolls to 80 rolls, most people don't count the sheets, just the rolls per case.
Salesmen: Well that's dumb, they should look at the big picture.
My thought: These are people who clean toilets for a LIVING; you're lucky they're counting the rolls per case...let alone COUNTING!

Yep...I love my job.

Six, I had the best time this past holiday weekend with Heather and her family in Ohio. Heather, Heather's brother (Chris), and I drove down Friday morning bright and early and made it to Ohio by 1pm (Ohio time, noon here). We checked in, went and found Heather's mom (Nancy), her fiancé (Bob), and Heather's aunt and uncle (Judy and Fred) at the Mexican restaurant across the street ... they were hammered...it was humorous. After a much-needed nap we then went and met Matt (the groom to be) and went to his new brother-in-laws (Dave) house for a BBQ. Dave and his family were GREAT. At this point, Judy confused the sister-in-law for the bride and started hugging her. I really enjoyed myself. Chris and I discovered we really get along (mind out of gutter)....and Heather was happy cause now I had someone to talk to other than her.Saturday was the wedding. It was beautiful! About 50 people on a boatcruising the river. Very intimate, and fun for all. I caught thebouquet....and proceeded to chuck it into the arms of the flowergirl....but not as funny as Chris pushing a 10 year old boy to thefloor to get the garter. Fun was had, dancing commenced, and to topoff the evening Chris performed the interesting feat of accidentallykicking a cup off the boat and the ice flying out of the cup and down my shirt at the same time.

Sunday was the picnic. It was again FABULOUS. Great food, great people. This time Chris was throwing ice down my shirt on purpose.....typical of a guy to discover something and continue to do it over and over huh? But I did show off my bartending skills by making a perfect Black & Tan with a glass as a water bottle with the top cut off, bottled Bass and canned Guinness and a plastic spoon. I was proud!! The rest of the day was spent studying, napping, and lounging by the pool area. Heather's Dad (Capt. Ron) bought us dinner at the Mexican restaurant, where I proceeded to FIGHT with Chris and Matt about putting your lawn chair in your parking spot when you dig it out in the winter. They just didn't get it....and those are the people with flat tires and scratched windshields. Capt. Ron invited me to Florida too....YAY...I may just have to take him up on that one. We were going to see a movie after that, but then went back to the room and got a little to comfortable to go back out.

Monday was the trip home. Heather ACTUALLY took us home after much threahting we were going to be dropped at Greyhound. We made great time...thank you Heather for your impatient driving. It was enjoyable except for the part where I mentioned I had to pee....and so Chris took that to mean, pull on my seat belt every 5 to 10 minutes and talk a lot about water. BUT I made it home from the South Side of Chicago! YAY ME! I did have to RUN into the house, but I made it.

asically, to sum it up....I got to spend time with Heather whom I love, and meet her family who were some of the nicest, funniest, and most amazing & unbelievable people I've ever met. I was glad I went! I'll be looking forward to Nancy's wedding at the end of the month to be able to say hello to everyone again. And if you haven't figured it out by now I developed a slight 'crush' on Chris over the weekend, he was probably one of the nicest, chivalrous, smartest, and funniest people I've ever met, but just like any man like that, he's unavailable, so therefore off limits. Not married this time, but still off limits. DAMN I'm good at this liking guys I can't have thing :-) He did mention to Heather if he wasn't dating someone he'd ask me out.....but I'm not going to hold my breathe on that one.

Hmmm....maybe he has some friends....but...it's possible, it's possible.Ok so you got six new things in my life....

Well really more than that if you count how big six is. So that should tie you over for a while....

Till next time, miss me

Blah....blah...blah...

So for those of you who have been pineing way to know how I did on my final....you'll be happy to know I aced them both. I was quite THRILLED with myself. Although I know when my teacher actually comes back from medical leave, things won't be so easy, but I still continue to study as much as possible to keep up with the rude awaking some people will be getting when he returns.

I had another test today, did pretty well I think. Maranda is a good teacher, but sometimes she give us TOO many of the answers so no one actually opens their book, just the notes she gives us. Not good, not good. But it's their grade not mine.

Work is work as usual. I can be a 'challenge' at times not to want to hurt someone when they get REALLY rude with you , but I blame it on too much coffee not enough social life. Then again, that very much could describe me.....except I gave up coffee since Dayne and I broke up. I drank too much of it....it's not good for my health and I think I was getting too much caffeine. But the social life part...yeah, that's definitely true. I'll be taking on a full shifts as coordinated in August at Bennigans due to Toni having her hysterectomy. I'm glad, but not because I won't have the money in my pocket right away, but AT LEAST, I'll have a nice check coming and I won't spend the money as quickly as I do when it's in my pocket.

So, I'm going to Ohio in 1 week for Heather's brother's wedding. It's the 4th weekend, and my dumb ass thought it was 2 weeks away so now I have Sunday to find something nice to wear, clean the house, do laundry etc. Sunday will be busy it seems.....The week after that I have Tracy and Bruce's wedding reception, then I'm back to normal for a while. It's going to be a nice LONG 2 weeks of running around. But it's cool and it'll get me out of the house, for once. :)

Just FYI, I do have a 'friendly competition' going on with a friend from school. Stephanie and I are competing to see who can loose the most INCHES in 3 weeks. We were going for 2...but then realized it's the 4th of July weekend, it's going to be hard to stick to a diet when there's so much BBQ going on. And for me...I'll be traveling AND going to a wedding then BBQ. It'll be tough but I'm going to TRY not to eat like I've never eaten before :) You know me I like food. It is my boyfriend and never lets me down :) it does however break my heart when I step on a scale, but comforts me in the end .... HA! Basically ... if you see me eating something I shouldn't ... take it from me and say Stephanie wouldn't eat that... or something to that effect.

So, the last words today are for you Kivi.....

In a New York minute......

Let's dance let's shout

....shake you body right to the ground.

So yesterday I attempted to have a get together of sorts for Kivi's B-day. The big 22. Heather and I made food, I moved some stuff around, and preped for the people to come. Gemma and Jeff were the first to show, then Heather and the birthday boy, then....well...there was supposed to be a then but it didn't seem to work out that way. Lots of people told me they were coming, and then didn't...but hell what'ca going to do right?

Monica did drop by for a quick moment, she was called away to dinner with the fam. Mistarz did finally show late in the day with Heather and Megan but only stayed briefly before they took off. So the important people showed, and maybe we didn't have as much fun as getting ticketed in Lake Forest. Fun was still hat I think.

Other than that, life is the same old...same old. School, work, home. And now I have A ton of food leftover....so if you hungry, drop on by.

Happy Father's Day to you and yours :)

It's gettin' hot in here.....

...but the clothes are stayin' on people.

School seems to like to forget that there's a 5am class and they fail to turn the air on until 8am. That means right now I'm sitting in the computer room losing a few pounds. YAY!

So the weekend was pretty uneventful. I worked Friday and Saturday. Did my laundry and cleaned up a bit....then Sunday TKF, Holly, Heather, Tony and Steve came over for beer brats and daiquiris. Nothing like a frozen tasty beverage on a hot day. Mistarz was "too good" for us and used some excuse like "I'm working on my portfolio so I can get a job" Pssh...yay, right :)

I'm telling you, there's nothing goin' on in the tale o' Dawn. I'm hoping to get a few people together next weekend for Kivi's b-day, but I may just have to push it back another weekend. We'll see....We'll see.....

I'll keep ya updated I promise.

Don't look for me....

I'm not there. My allergies are working overtime and I feel like POOP!! I may end up coming in later after the meds kick in. I hate feeling like this.....

Shut up now!!

Ok ok! I'm blogging I'm blogging.

So I had some free time this weekend...THANK GOD! cause I needed it.

Saturday I laid around the WHOLE day doing nothing except play PS2. I even went and bought Kivi 'The Simms' cause I was bored and needed something to spend my gift certs from Best Buy on. Kivi on the other hand had a date....OOOOOOO....that seems to have gone in the 'right' direction. I'm so happy for that! Megan seems like a nice gal so they deserve each other.

I WAS supposed to have company later, but Tony for some reason got it in his head I was coming to Chicago. With my $6, I think not. So when he called me at midnight, I was already in my PJ's and didn't have any intention of changing. So instead I played PS2 till nearly 2am.

Sunday I got up early did my laundry, studied, and grocery shopped cause I was having company. I decided to make tacos. Kivi, Gemma, her boyfriend Jeff, Steve and Mistarz came over for the night. Somehow after we dragged Kivi off Rachet and Clank, and Steve and Jeff off Techan we decide to play Scene It....may I tell you TFK and I kick some monster ASS!!

Jeff seems to think we cheated. But we didn't we just have no lives and watch movies...A LOT. Mistarz and Steve did pull out their A game in the end and won the second round. By win I mean we just went back to start and let them play from where they were. (and we almost came back to take the second game too.)

This is where the night gets interesting....

By the way Chapter 12 do not do 266 do 269/ abbv. on page 270 in the orange book by Tuesday.

Ok back to the interesting part of the night.....

At some point within an hour Steve drinks a 2 liter of Coke, and is now VERY awake.
TFK and Mistarz decide to do a power hour. (where you take a shot a minute for an hour)
I decide to bartend (and cut it down to a power half hour due to lack of beer and how much I didn't want anyone to puke)
So for the next 30 min we watch Mistarz and Kivi do a shot a minute....until 21 anyway where the Fat Kid punks out and switches to Mike's Hard Lemonade.
NOW I've got a hyper caffeinated Steve on the PS2. A very drunk ass TFK, and a pretty heavily buzzed. This is where I decide to make some new house rules.

Rule 1: As always, if you eat or drink it you replace it.
Rule 2: I don't care how many guys are in the house this is a girls apartment toilet seat goes down when your done.
RULE 3: (and very important) NO HITTING ON MISTARZ UNLESS YOU HAVE A VAG!
and Rule 4: There is no sex in the champange room ...in my apartment this would be my bedroom.

Now why rule number 3 you ask? Well TFK can't keep his hands to himself when he's wasted and proceeded to be a little handsy with Mistarz ... A LOT!!! Since it was creeping me out, and Mistarz during Scene It became my new favorite person, the rule was set. Now if you don't get how drunk TFK was from the hitting on Mistarz...well he also proceeded to ask everyone about their sex lives also....he actually said the words... 'slip her the dick' then got excited that he actually said it and ran in another room to call PNuts and tell him..cause according to TFK...he's drunk he doesn't need tact. Ahh...the joys of being 21 again. Don't worry Megan we did ban him from calling you that night....and he's not ALWAYS like this with liquor (but really either way .. it's funny as hell) By 230am it was drag Steve away from PS2, Kivi pass out, and everyone go home time. Good times, Good times.

Monday Tony finally shows up AND buys me a grill for my balcony (YAY) and we cooked up some burger and dogs for Holly, him and I. After a few drinks, and a few more Law and Orders I was sleeping on the couch soundly. Relaxation was finally had!

Now it's back to the grind.....speaking of which.....

WHAT UP!!

Ok, so I've had some SERIOUS down days as of late.

You know the kind where your not sure why the hell your even getting up in the morning! Mainly because I'm just worn/stressed out..I know.. I know less then two months in school and your already worn out?!....well..yes. There just doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day for me to get every thing done. I'm cranky I admit it.

BUT the good news is that I don't have class again till Tuesday. And since Miranda will be teaching the class...I don't have to be in until a LITTLE later (like 530ish) AND I only have to work on Saturday this week at Bennigan's...so quite possibly I may get some rest and relaxation out of all this weekend and wake up with a new attitude on Tuesday.

This one's for you TFK...Gemma just asked me how old I was in '86...20 or something. You two will offically be friends now! Whores that you are :)

Alright...must work. But before I go, I just wanted to tell Bethany that I'm REALLY happy for you. Your happiness with makes me very happy. I hope you and Carlo do very well! Now, I still have to meet this guy you realize that don't you. And I mean BEFORE the wedding ;)

Hasta

Long time no post.....

So I've actually been doing work in computers so I haven't been posting TOO much.

Last weeks post I typed up and sent to myself seems dated so I'm just forgetting about it for now.

I'll highlight you on my weeks events instead.

Monday: School...work...homework...sleep

Tuesday: School...FINAL that was totally funked up since my teacher gave us the WRONG things to study..failed and was in bad mood all day....work....left early to get car, laundry, freaky Subway experience, home....sleep.

Wednesday: Day off from school...since it was the day after a final we get the day off before we start a new mod....slept in till 7:30 which RULED...work....TGI Friday's for dinner with my favorite boys. Steve, Mistarz, TFK, and Tony...it could have been a complete night if Philly would have been there, but alas he is at school. He was there in our hearts....home...sleep.

Thursday: School...learned of the final we were going to get to retake the next day, BUT was going to only have one day to study and cram all the 'new' information in my head....work, where I proceed to cram said information in my head most of the day....home, where TFK stopped by for a bit cause he was bored and watched me study...CSI: Las Vegas season finale by Quentin Tarrentino (is that how you spell it?) WHICH WAS AWESOME!!....sleep.

Friday: School...re-take final, do better but not the best....work...Bennigans...home...sleep.

Saturday: Bennigans....where I learn of Holly's indiscreetness with Rubo the night before and get really pissed off about since she told me she doesn't like him in that way....home...off to Irina's to play who's the oldest person at the party (I won.) Learn that TFK had an awesome date (I'm SO glad for that!!!) Learn once again what an ass my ex can be. And did I mention got drunk?....home...pass out.

Sunday: 6:30am....Remembered why I don't drink that often anymore. Attempt the 'hair of the dog' way out of my hangover....didn't work go back to bed.....10:30am....wake up take some aspirin and a ton of water...watch TV until I get hungry...texted Kiv and invite him to meet for lunch.....1:30ish...show up to lunch late cause guy finally comes to fix my kitchen drawer, drive over to lunch has now made me sick to my stomach....1:45ish...decide to just make myself throw up cause I'll feel better....2:00....MUCH BETTER, and now I can eat....3:00ish...go with Kiv to by PS2....3:30/4ish back at my place now playing PS2 YAY!!!...5ish...nappy time for Kiv and Dawn. Steve continues to play....9ish...everyone must leave Dawn's cause she needs to get up for school in the morning.....Sleep.

Today: School...so far same ol' same ol'

Just for YOU

I love you Fat Kid, so I'll post for you....

I actually WROTE a post at work, but forgot to send it to myself...so, this update will be postposed for the time being.

But for Fattie...I'll post this...

....# 6 thing that does it in the pooper: The fact that my re-final blew goats since it had words on it he STILL didn't give to us!

Running on empty.....

No really I am....

I'm extremely tired as of late. Maybe it's because I push myself so much, maybe it's because I get up before dawn every morning...whatever it is. I'm pooped.

I do get to leave work early today. Not for anything fun, to take my car to looked at by the body shop to determine damages. Then I have to make time to take it in for fixin'. I'm not thrilled...at all. I'm SUPPOSED to be going to St. Louis Memorial Day weekend to visit Eric, but if I have a rent a car, that's going to be a problem. I don't want to put a TON of mileage on a rent a car...then again it may be better for me to do it on someone else's car :)

So Mother's Day has come and gone. My mom and pops came up by me and we went to breakfast together. I was nice, I enjoyed it, and they actually weren't fighting for once. Kivi, David, Heather, Tony and I were supposed to go to Lou Malniti's for dinner together. Kivi was the only one who ended up having a valid excuse not to go...he took his mom. David 'forgot' my number. Tony didn't show or call till after he was supposed to be there. So forget them...Heather and I went alone. And enjoyed it. It was tasty. I haven't had Chicago style pizza in a while and I missed it. I still think Gino's East is the best though. :)

Ok, back to class.....

Progress anyone....

Just a quick FYI since I have a test today....

I lost 4 pounds last week! YAY!

I haven't been able to workout much since my accident so I don't feel as good as I usually do, but I was happy to see the scales tipping in my favor anyway.

I'm back to the gym tomorrow (hopefully) if I get to bed at a decent hour. I didn't fall asleep till after 11 last night so I got up at 3:30am instead of 2:50 like I usually do. So no workie outie for Dawnie.

Speakin of ridiculous o'clock in the morning...why was TFK texting me at 3:45 this morning?!

Because sometimes....

Life just sucks...

Trust me it does. Like getting up at 3am isn't bad enough, leaving school the other day...I got into a car accident.

I'm ok, there's minimal body damage to my car, no mechanical damage....that I can tell anyway. But I funked up a BMV. It wasn't my fault...he was being an impatient driver. I suppose it was both of our faults if you want to look at it that way. But all and all...it sucked. Now my back and neck are sore....with that burning sensation you get when your strain a muscle.

I was a big bitch to just about everyone I came into contact with on Wednesday. But I think I may have apologized to everyone on Thursday too. I just wasn't in the best mood and my spirits are kinda damaged because of it all. The one that I didn't understand asking...was Dayne. He sent me an email saying he hoped everything was ok. Now mind you a week ago when I was showing concern for him...he blew me off like I was a stranger. Then when he asked me for a work favor...I went out of my way, he didn't even say thank you when I walked back to the warehouse to return his stuff. Or when I sent him an email telling him about how the buyer and I spent some time and found all of his products and the way they were listed in our system, NADA folks. His department doesn't even do ANYTHING for my department...I still took the time, because I want to be his friend and be there for him. Not one thank you. That's why I snapped with the whole consideration thing. And that's why I snapped at him for asking if I was ok, I didn't think it was fair for him to be the nice guy, but have him make me look like a psycho when I do the same for him.

Now granted when I got into this accident...Dayne was the first person I wanted to call. Out of habit of course. But in realization and a moment of clarity...I knew I one, couldn't call him, and two, if I did he would just say stuff like...what do you want me to do?. I'll admit, I do miss having someone there for me to hug me when things like this happen...but I've gotten used to the fact that and life will go on. I just get pissed at myself when I start to do things out of habit. And in my own way I take it out on other people.

TFK was great. He wanted to know immediately if I needed anything or if he could come pick me up. A true blue friend. I myself was too busy crying over spilt milk to care about anyone else's feelings I guess and was just cranky as ever. But I did come into work just so we could FedEx Phil's b-day gift to him.

On that lighter note...Phil did get the package...he did love it, not because of what it contained but because Kivi and I are a couple of retards and went through all the trouble. YAY! We made the day! :)

Ok, class is about to begin....

....time to find out what/where the title bar is :)

Good Morning TFK!

How's it feel to be up almost as early as I am?

So TFK has to go to work early and I have a test today. Not a test I'm TOO worried about since the chapters it's on are common knowledge to me anyway.

It's last night that was fun and exciting. We went shopping for Philly's 21st birthday gifts. Phil turns 21 on May 5. Mexican Independence Day. Now I'm not posting what we got because I have sent Phil this site address...but let's just say it involved a commonly known store, a borrowed digital camera, lots of hi-jinks... and two of the most retarded people you will ever meet...(that being Kivi and I).

Phil if your reading this before you receive your "care" package.....Look forward to it. IF your reading this after....you know you love us :)

Look forward to you coming home to visit!!

Gemma's asking for a serious ass kickin' and who am I to deny that....

Later....

Looks like someone has a case of the .....

Mondays...

I HATE Mondays. One because I have only one day off I week so Mondays tend to sneak up on me...and two because it's the begins to a LONG week ahead of me.

My head is getting stuffy with a cold I believe. If it's the same thing Dayne and Kivi had....I'm taking one or the both of them down for getting me sick. I didn't want to get up for school today...but I forced my butt out of bed. It's not like I went to bed really late. I kicked Kivi out about 9:30 and then Tony out at 10....then again 10 is pretty late for me.

I did end up cooking yesterday...but without Tony. For whatever reason my phone was not working yesterday so I didn't know he had called and texted me like 80 times. He finally just showed up....I was almost done by then. I made Chicken Scampi from strach. AND it was damn good. Pretty proud of myself since that's the first time I tried that recipe.

The weekend was uneventful....I worked and was up on Friday for about 20 hours straight. Needless to say...this gal was SLEEPY. Saturday was another boring day at Bennigans...Saturday was spent doing laundry and studying for school. Sunday....nada...besides cooking and studying.

I did have a fun and funny moment in class today though. I didn't quite get the needle in far enough in Melissa's arm for an allergy test....I sprayed her in the eye with saline solution. YAY!! Now laugh it up...

I gotta work....

You miss me?

Yeah...I know you did.

I know I've only been gone for 3 days, but hell when you don't have a computer at home and your computer at work is gay...then you only get an every other day postage.

Live with it.

So now Kivi is sick...he's got whatever the hell Dayne has. Which is just great considering that means I'm probably going to end up being sick as hell. No Kivi I still don't want to make out with you.....ewww....

I have come to the conclusion that I am sick of Dayne treating me like the gum on his shoe when I'm only trying to help and be civil and nice. Screw you. I won't try and help anymore. If you want to talk to me you know where I am. I'm not expressing concern for you anymore. It just gets me upset when you proceed to talk to me like I was a total stranger. I'm done. I've got news for you buddy. I have no interest in getting back together or being with you...I was just trying to be your friend. I'm aware you don't have a lot of them...so I was just trying to be there for you. Try having some consideration for people that care about you...it helps.

I'm done....

Sunday when Tony comes home from Vegas were having a cookin' party...ok it's just me and him...but when you have no life, that's a party. The new Family Guy is starting and Kivi will probably be over to watch if he gets home from Fond du Lac in time.

Schools out and I'm going to beat up Gemma now....

Am I bad or what?

I can't help myself....I walk into computer lab 3 days a week and each and everytime I have have to come straight here and blog.

I think it's an addiction. Then again I do have an addictive personality. I have come to figure out that's why it takes me a while to get over things. Like Dayne for instance. It's an addiction.

Just an update for you since I haven't said anything about it for a while. I'm getting over him pretty quickly as of late. I found out some MORE lies he told me thoughout our relationship. Although he'll tell me it's not true and what not or give me the you can't help who you like type thing...I think it's more of a you can't make up your mind what the hell you want type thing. Men, can't live with them can't kill them.

On a good note my best friend Eric just got transferred from Cali to St Louis! I'm so excited he's so close. I've missed him terribly. He's the male version of me...except cockier....but I love him to death and I'm glad he's home (or close to it.)

I'm also excited about being in school. I just gotta figure out a better time to go to bed so I'm not so tired by 3pm. I'm losing it by the end of the day. Yesterday I even fell asleep on the couch 5 minutes after walking in the door. That was SUPPOSED to be study time for my test today. WHOOPS.

So needless to say my life is one big traffic jam ... to much stuff too little time. I have the weekend free....just because TFK is leaving me for friends in Whitewater, what will I do with myself. Probably make that phone call to Jimmy and ask him to lunch like I've been meaning to do for months. Or Jules may come down too. Which ever I'll keep myself occupied somehow.

TFK....this one's for you!

I decided to post while in class once again because my poor TFK is having blog withdrawals.

Good news is Tony got my notebook up and running. YAY! Bad news is it's still at his house AND I can't afford to have my internet hooked up yet. But hopefullly by next month I'll be ok enough to hook up my shite.

Unless one of you out there in computer land wants to help me pay for it. **Stop laughing Fatty**

So I spent my whole day cleaning and cooking yesterday. Real domestic of me huh?! I baked for Pete, and for some odd reason I got a wild hair up my arse and decided to make sauce from strach. Why one would do this when their cooking for one I have no idea. I tried to invite Holly over, but she was going out with Andy...or as I like to call it...setting herself up. I then remembered Tony was supposed to come over and keep me company for the day. So I called...he was just waking up at 5pm. I told him to come over cause I made enough food for at least two. He seemed to enjoy it. It turned out well. TFK did ditch me for the day to pick up dog poo...but he's coming with to do laundry tonight, so I'll forgive him. And besides he came over for the night to keep me and Tony entertained. Even if he did eat Subway instead of my home cooked food. (kidding TFK...you know I love you.)

So I'm offically stupid...I came to class this morning. Half way here I realized I forgot my clothes for my day job. I blame it on Monday and the fact I get up way too early. I did remember the 10 loaves of banana bread for Pete in the cafe. But I'm pretty sure the Millers would be pissed if I wore my scrubs & lab coat all day. Although comfy...not exactly "North American" appropite attire.

So my 'naughty nurse' self must start actually 'listening'.....

Guess what?!

Ok people, guess where I am. It isn't at work since Blogger doesn't work there. I'm in class.

School....yes I'm using school time to update and let you know, my blogger is blocked at work from now on. I'm working at getting a notebook from Tony if he ever gets his butt in gear and gives it to me. I'll be around.... soon. I promise. Right now I'm just trying to get used to getting up at 3am....Damn the man ;)

Gotta go!

Class must begin.....

Good Morning to you too....

Why is it whenever I feel good in the morning someone has to kill that experience for me.

This morning I was approached in the parking lot. First thing this morning I have people asking me question on what happened between Dayne and I. I avoid the entire conversation and just say, well he likes someone else and I can't change that. Of course the whole time I staring right at his truck in the parking lot with his bike in the back....with the new tires I bought him for Christmas I'm sure.

Stop with the questions! I don't know what happened....I know it's over that's all I know. I know my heart is still tender about the whole situation so your not making it any better. My old roommate Jess even emailed me and asked when she was going to be invited to our wedding....GAH! I'm spent with this whole situation.

I just wish I could talk to him...just sit down and have a conversation. I told Heather the other night that I wasn't sure if I missed the relationship as much as I just missed HIM. He was my best friend. Heather pointed out to me I do defend him (and her) a lot. And maybe I should just let the chips fall where they may. Maybe I should stop defending his actions....and maybe I should because I can't explain why he does what he does.....but like I said, he was my lover and my best friend and the lover I can give up ....it's the friend part I can't let go of.

I have the weekend off...I have lots of plans with old friends and current ones. Maybe I'll get a little pick me up this weekend. I did have fun last weekend with Heather and Kivi at the Wolves game. It was a blast playing the 'how crazy can you act to get on the jumbotron' game. Well, here's my deep breath to start the day. Only 1 more day after today, and the weekend will begin for me.

Huh....

Haven't heard this song in a WHILE....heard it this morning...thought to myself... Funny I know that feeling :)

"My Happy Ending"

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

[Chorus:]
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

[Chorus]

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

Sleepy girl!

Ok, I'm at work ... but really my brain is back home...peacefully dreaming.

So I went home last night after enrolling in school, waited for the Fat Kid and went to do my laundry at the Laundromat....since my dryers at the complex SUCK. It was quick and painless...we then came home and watched a little TV and I kicked Fattie out.

As I'm starting to drift off since I was WIPED out yesterday....the Nextel starts beeping.

It's Dan. He's drunk and at The Ram. He's been drinking since the Cubs game and continued through the Illini game. Needless to say...he's wasted. Now friends drove him there, and they were planning on driving him home but since they were a little toasty too and driving to Des Plaines didn't sound like a good idea, he asked if I minded if he stay by me.

No problem...I made it clear to him I was TIRED though and I'd unlock the door for him, to just come in and go to bed. I don't know why I was trying to make ANYTHING clear to the very drunk, because it just doesn't happen.

I spent the next 2 hours trying to get him to go to sleep instead of kissing/groping me. Finally I just got him to start talking (boys talk alot when they're drunk I've discovered)....and I fell asleep while he was talking. BUT, then his phone alarm went off at 4:45 in the morning!!! Now I told him I'd take him home...I didn't say it would be on HIS time table.

Now since he was awake at 4:45....the groping starts all over again. IT'S 5AM PEOPLE! I'm sorry but NO. 5am when I go to bed at 9. Not 5am when you keep me up till 1. I finally just got up at 6am since there was NO point in staying in bed, Dan wasn't going to let me sleep. I got ready for work....while Dan laid around in bed. Then too him home to Des Plaines. I walk into North American at....7:22am. Mind you I don't need to be here till 8:30am. Damn I'm tired.

My day will now be full of caffeine....lots of caffeine!

One little drop....

...can cause a tidal wave!

Now this whole time I haven't told more than a couple of work people about my whole "scenario". In turn out of respect for me they have not said anything to anyone. Well suddenly in the last few days this whole thing has EXPLODED at me.

I already told you what happened yesterday. Well I guess since those two people came to me others have felt they can now too. In the last 7 hours of my day I've had people come up to me and tell me nasty little things I'm not even sure nor do I care if they're true, but I WILL NOT repeat (so don't even ask) about the new girlfriend, I've had MEN tell me what a (and I quote) scumbag they think he is. I've had people tell me they're sorry, but they're glad I'm out of that relationship because I've never looked better. And THAT'S just the tip of the iceberg!

In this whole thing I have NEVER wanted there to be sides. I wanted our break up to turn into a valued friendship with time. I wanted us to maybe be able to get back together down the road so I didn't want to burn any bridges....I still feel the same. It's he who chose the opposite direction. Now because of his own actions, people are siding....and not with him. Trust me, I'm doing just fine....I don't need or want sides. I just need my few good friends to go to when I need it. But it's nice to know your not the only one who thought the situation was more than funked up. I laugh when people feel the need to tell me their dirty little secrets, because I don't care. I laugh because Dayne has created his own revenge for me. I do NOTHING to fuel the fire, I admit, I blog, but only 3 people in this company have the address so I can express myself here.....he on the other hand he throws gasoline. I know Dayne though, and I know he's saying things like ...as long as we have each other and are happy nothing else matters....

....and for a time that's true....until you get bored and the "passion" dies...right?

Does it still hurt...yes, do I still love him....yes. Do I wish the best for him still...of course. But I have to admit in my own mind in my own sick and evil way....it's fun to sit back do and say NOTHING bad about either of them and even defend them at times, but still watch people come to me with their anger towards the two of them.

I think maybe I'm still more bitter than I thought....BUT....life is looking up for me and I'm glad I have some support through all this. Most of the things people are saying are just rolling off my back anyway, like I said, I don't care. The more I hear about it the more it makes me think about it and the more I have him on my mind when truly I'm trying to prevent myself from doing that. I found myself picking up AXE at the store yesterday, cause it was on sale. Wasn't until 4 aisles over I realized what I had done and put it back. He's still there, he still pops into my decision making....I push it out, but I think it's still out of habit. I do find some comfort in the fact that people care...but don't find comfort in the fact they are sticking there noses where it doesn't belong. Hopefully ... 8 months from now, I'll have graduated college, I'll be able to leave this company....and then maybe things will change. Who knows?!

FYI..just for the record.... none of this came from my friends in the warehouse.....

AHHH....I see now....

I find it humorous. BUT it's really not. I finally found out why people have been somewhat whispering behind my back a little. I was confronted at work, then again on the phone later that night. Why you ask?.....People think Dayne is cheating on me.

Turns out not a lot of people know we actually broke up. And in turn a lot of people have seen the new girlfriend and Dayne together. They assumed he was cheating on me behind my back, they were PISSED!

Now not only have I not made our break up public knowledge, but I kept to myself the whole him dating someone else in the company....except for a select few. Frankly I didn't want to make it public knowlegde that I was heartbroken.

I have set the record straight with the people I talked to....yes Dayne broke up with me in January, and yes Dayne is now dating someone else in the company. (I don't know this as fact, but rumor has it they're living together too....but I kept that one to myself, I don't spread rumors.) Funny thing was....the people I talked to yesterday thought THAT was more funked up than him cheating on me. I myself laughed at that comment. Yeah, I felt that way too...but whatever at this point. I can't change nor am I an impact on the decisions he makes anymore. If he's happy, he's happy....I've got other shite to worry about!

One a completely different note. My financial aid appointment went ... OK. I didn't qualify for the grants I was hoping for (thank you republican party) But I did apply for a Sallie Mae loan I don't see a problem getting. I now have to talk to my boss about me returning to school. I'm looking to start soon and in order to do that I'll have to do morning classes ... like 5am to 9am. Then come to work by 9:30 (if not sooner) . It'll keep my nights free for studying and a mini social life. Cross my fingers she'll go for it.

AS PROMISED!!!

My conversation at the end of yesterday with David, TFK, Heather and I.

START FROM THE BOTTOM!!!!!!!!

----Original Message----
From: GTG Pick Pak

Ho-a beer, I need a beer, forTAY, ounces of the stuuuuufff, Me-not drunk, I know I'm straight,Fa, so fa much more to drink, SO-I can't stand on my own, HA-My jokes are so funny-G-you are my homie, and I need, a, noth, er beer

-----Original Message-----
From: Schumacher, Heather

And you know she was using..... NOBODY is that happy all the fricken time!

-----Original Message-----
From: Smith, Dawn

Those weren't the VonTrap Kids....those were straight up THUGS!

-----Original Message-----
From: GTG PickPack

cause Maria was a straight up gangsta-biotch

-----Original Message-----
From: Schumacher, Heather

I'm only wearing the pink helmet because I stole it off Dawn's head
I like making her cry by taunting her with her own pink helmet
window licker

-----Original Message-----
From: GTG PickPack

because the mother fuckin hills are alive

-----Original Message-----
From: Szyszka, David

question kivi, why is The Sound of Music your favorite movie?

So much stuff...so little time!

Who the heck decided the day could only be 24 hours! It's just not enough time to cram my life into it.

So far this week I've had something to do every night that I leave work. I'm damn tired.

Not like I'm about to make it better for myself by going back to school. But, I'm making a plan for the future. A REAL one. Unlike my fake plans for the future I made myself believe were going to happen for the last year. This one involves me and only me so no one can suddenly come in and take them away from me but me. (is that enough me's?) Can't complain about your life if your not going to get off your fat ass and do something about it.

Tonight I go to financial aid and write away my life. (well technically schools only 10 grand so not my whole life.) I should start school at the the beginning of May. I'm excited to start a new begining, bummed that my summer is pretty much going to suck! I just have to keep in mind this will bring me one step closer to marrying a doctor :)

After financial aid....I must grocery shop. No if's and's or but's about it. I HAVE to. My cupboards are bare as bare can be, not to mention I have stuff planned for Sunday so I won't be able to do it then either. Like I said...so many things so little time. Regardless of it all I have two things to look forward to. One...a good time this Sunday at the Wolves game with Heather and Kivi, and two next weekend off for the Cubbies home opener!

I may or may not get to go, due to the money situation....but I'll still take the weekend of rest for my Cubbies and at least watch it from my apartment with the windows open for the real life effect of being outside freezing with my team.

Lookie....Lookie!

Guess what I did.....

I changed up the blogie blog a bit. Added a hit counter, since I'm discovering more than just Kivi reads this thing....it's pretty. I like it ;)

I figure if I'm not going to major in design...I might as well get it out of my system somewhere.

I FRICKIN ROCK!!!

Ok, so I thought I did well on this evaluation test yesterday when I was told I only missed 5 out of like 200 (give or take) questions which in they're grading scale was a 91. But then I was called by my admissions counselor today to let me know I got one of the top scores EVER! You see the grade isn't out of 100 (since they cross out a bunch of questions on the test). It's out of a possible highest of 95.

So I rock the hizzy ladies and gentlemen. To think I was actually kinda nervous considering the fact I haven't been in school in almost 10 years. There was to be no use of calculators and I haven't figured percentages or done division with decimals without a ten key since I was in Jr. High.

Who's smart? I'm DAMN smart! :)

First of all lets talk about my birthday......

I took the day off...YEAH ME!....But I'm paying for it in the pocket book right now. Needless to say I think I deserve a day off once in a while so I took it. I spent the day shopping for a few do dads for myself. BELIEVE IT OR NOT I DID NOT BUY ANY SHOES!!

I did go over by the shoes....I did TRY ON shoes....I did not buy any. For anyone who knows me should know that's a pretty big feat for me to get through.

Anyway, I went home relaxed a bit and then prettied myself up for my birthday dinner. Tony came down from Chi-town and took me to Tuscany for dinner for my birthday. During our after dinner drink in the bar we started to watch the Illini game and before the first half was a quarter over we decided we should probably go back to my place to watch the rest considering Tony was rooting for Arizona. Good plan....

Within minutes of us getting back to my place Kivi Steve and Phil came over. Fat Kid brought the 'Grandma's Bar' shot glass for my collection...because he's a whore, but he did buy me a Blue Moon sign for my bar, so I can't complain too much. For a while it looked like just the five of us were going to be chillin' but by 8:30 Holly came and when the game was over Dan, D'Avis, and CarlMike (Kike or Marl) trickled in. Martinis were made, shots were poured, drinks were mixed....and drunkenness occurred (well, at least it did with me). Knowing I had to get up in the morning to meet the family for brunch was no match for how quickly I seemed to be drinking the Raspberry Stoli! Everything went well....until I called Holly a ditzy and she left in a tissy.

Party was over by 1ish....Dan and I went to bed, he laughed at me all morning when I had to get up and go to Wisconsin for brunch.

Brunch wasn't bad...actually the food was good. Would've been better had I not been hung over. But those are the breaks when your birthday falls the day before a holiday. I ended up snatching the bill...I don't make a lot of money, but I sponge off my family ALL the time so I wanted to pay. My brother had a pitch fit, but screw him. I left Wisconsin earlier than I usually would, due in part that my apartment was a disaster! So cleaning needed to be done.

Now the apartment in back in a somewhat of an order, and now I'm figuring out how to get my life that way. I did go visit and apply for college last night. Another good reason why it's a good thing Dayne and I broke up. He would have NEVER supported this. 4 days a week 6 to 11pm...then work Friday and Saturday nights....for 8 months, yeah right. It wouldn't have happened. But since I'm not in a relationship, and I have no one to please but me....I'm going for it. Admissions wanted me to start next week, but with commitments I've already made...I don't think that'll be possible. So May it is.

I think I'll look cute in scrubs :)

Damn that's a long post......thanks for the birthday wishes by the way to everyone that was kind enough to wish them....nice of you to think of me. For those of you who didn't, I'm sure it just slipped you mind, either that or you were just being jerks.....

So another year has come and gone.....and I'm another year older.

Do I sound thrilled....cause really I'm not. Not like 27 is some big mile stone birthday or anything, but I just keep thinking how much closer to 30 I'm actually getting. Thanks Fattie for reminding me EVERYDAY!

So far in my 27 years, I really haven't accomplished anything, besides a series of broken relationships and a string of dead end jobs. And that's sad. I'm looking to turn over a new leaf. I want to get out of this job....one because my job isn't very satisfying and two because it harbors a lot of memories I'd rather not fester into on a DAILY basis. But I don't want to move on to ANOTHER job I'm just going to end up hating as much...but just without the personal drama. So what to do?! Well I decided to look into a few vocational schools to see about getting a real career. Actually I'm going to talk to one tonight.

You see...I actually want to DO something with my life. I want to be happy with myself, I want a job that feels rewarding. And frankly sitting on my ass and saying I want to do something about it isn't getting me anywhere. Granted I have a feeling I'm going to put myself in some MORE debt, but hell...in the long run it'll be worth it right? Cross your fingers I don't chicken out on this one like I do with EVERYTHING else in my life.

Quite frankly I'm just sick of working two jobs and getting NOWHERE!

Guess who's still sick....

ME!


I'm feeling better due to the tons of oj and cold meds, but not 100% that's for sure. I stayed home yesterday due to the fact I had NO voice and would've been no good here yesterday anyway, and I'm trying to rest up for the weekend.

I did have a date yesterday....Obviously I was sick and that went right out the window. He ended up going to watch the Illini game with his boss. He felt bad that I wasn't feeling well and stopped by after the game was over.

I was already lying down for the night, so he curled up next to me and dealt with my forensic files shows that I watch till we both feel asleep for the night. He's a lucky guy he didn't have to work today, so he sat around with me this morning as I got ready for work, complaining the whole time I didn't want to go cause I felt crappy.

In case your mind is in the gutter....there was no hanky panky. I felt crappy, can't feel crappy and sexy at the same time. It was nice....and made me not want to come to work today. I've missed waking up next to someone.

Well the B day is tomorrow. Things are lookin' up....so.... Let the fun begin....

I'm sick.

This time not even emotional sick like I have been, but REALLY sick. My chest is heavy, my eyelids are hot, my body aches. I think I may have the flu. Damn you Cathy for bringing your germs to work with you.

The one thing I hate about being sick....I can't make up my damn mind worth crap. One moment I want to be alone with my sickness and for the whole world to go away. The next I want to be held and someone to make soup for me.

Granted I'm an indecisive person anyway, ask anyone. I can't make up my mind in a movie store! But when I'm sick....it's about a bazillion times worse. I'm a cranky beeacth. I NEED to be better because I'm haveing people over on Saturday and I have brunch on Sunday! I need to be better by tomorrow because I have a kinda of/sort of date....Damn you flu for choosing the worst time ever!

If I feel bad tomorrow...I'm calling off. Screw you cold I'm gonna kick your ASS!