So why did I start a blog in the first place.

Well, it's simple...even though my posts are few and far between on here I do write everyday at home (or nearly anyway).

It's my release, my therapy if you will. I've been doing it for years to relieve stress in my life. Seems when put it on paper it eases the real life situation.

I always used my blog as a goof for keeping friends and family updated on my life. Since there's a little bit of my parents genetic makeup all over this fine US of A I figured I'd keep them updated this way. Well, now I'm pretty certain that I can count on one hand how many people I know that actually read this blog. So why not get a little more serious with my writing.....

Do I really have anything that personal to hide? Not really.

Do the people who still read the blog know most of it anyway? Yep.

'Inspiration from late night'....my last post, was actually something taken from my Nothingness book (aka diary, journal, whatever) I felt a bit of relief posting what was wandering around in my head. Like when you have a secret and you get the chance to say it out loud and you feel this weight being lifted.

I admit to all of you 5 who still read, you got a taste of "me" when the ex and I parted ways. In all honesty that really was my bitterness ... and lack of self-control after finding out he still read the blog. I mean really come on girls, if you had a chance to trash your ex, AND knew he was going to read it in cyberspace wouldn't you?

As much "fun" as that may have been, I'm over it. I do care for the guy and hope he has a happy life, with or without me in it. We had different views on how we wanted our lives to be, so I can't say that I blame him in the slightest. Took me a bit to get to that point, but here I am and it's a nice place to be. Chapter done.

Now opening a new chapter in my book of life. The "ME" chapter. I have to admit I'm being QUITE selfish as of late. So selfish I see it in myself. Now just in my own defense, school and work take a considerable amount of time, so the little bit of free time I do have I find myself hoarding it like a fat kid with cake.

I used to be ok with driving 3 hours to spend a few hours to hang with some people for the day. I used to all the time! Beth in Minooka, Eric in Joliet, Jeremy in Madison, even my own 'crew' of friends lived at least 45 minutes from my residence. Now I want people to come to me. Maybe it's from years of going to other people of I wanted to be social, but still .. no excuse. I apologize, but it's probably going to be like this for the next few months too.

Now, I love to see my friends, families, and/or potential lovers (wishful thinking aren't I?) It's more of a, I spent $700 a month on an apartment I see maybe 8 hours a day. 6 of the 8 are spent sleeping. So maybe it is selfish, but I like my home and since I don't see it too often, so I get a little greedy about wanting to curl up on my couch when I have free moments. For now, it works for me, eventually I'll have to give in if I want to have a social life and or lover ever again. But for now, it's going to have to work this way. IF your into weekends in, watching movies, early bedtimes, and dealing with me working ridiculous hours to have lazy Sunday afternoons reading on the balcony (dodging bees) ... stop on by, door's always open for company ....

And, I promise, next chapter ... I'll try and make it the all about "you" chapter just to make up for it.