Look at that date ladies and gentlemen! Christmas is right around the corner! Have you bought me some Christmas presents yet?

NO!!!

Well you better get crackin' :)

Now truthfully, I normally HATE the holidays! I end up spending a ton of money, and ringing in the New Year usually at work, usually alone. BOO! But this year, it's different. I'm actually looking forward to Christmas....getting excited even. This year I have a wonderful man to spend it with. The wife is off to Spain as of the 20th and will not be returning till New Year's Day, not to mention Dayne and I will be on will be on vacation from 5:30 on Thursday the 23rd until January 3rd. So not only will I be living with my lover for 10 days, I'll be vacationing with him for 10 days too! WHOO HOO! That's gift enough right there.

In actuality though, that's not the gift. I did get two of my presents...the kewlest Nextel phone there is: http://nextelonline.nextel.com/NASApp/onlinestore/Action/ViewPhoneDetailAction . And a forensic file casebook....because I'm a loser and spend most of my time watching A&E and Law & Order. There will be more, not lots cause Dayne and I aren't very rich people. He hasn't gotten his big gift yet...crossing my fingers he'll like it.....

So anyway, we had the Christmas party (YAY) and no one was thrown to the floor...unless you want to count the part where Kivi did the worm...nor did anyone have a pitch fit and throw things around...Kelly didn't even get a room this year. BUT there was a lot of fun to be had!! Well fun till the fat kid turned pale white and Dayne and I had to carry him to his room...on the other side of the what seems to be VERY large hotel. All and all....Good Times, Good Times.

Today is my last night at Bennigans before my vacation begins.....only today and tomorrow to get through....deep breaths and I'll make it....

Wanna go play some Molopoly? ;)

Curious? 100 things about ME!

1. I was born on Easter morning March 26 1978.
2. I am the only child from my mother and father's marriage.
3. My parents picked out the name Jacqulyn Gene for me until I was born...they decided I looked more like a Dawn Maire instead.
4. I do have a number of brothers and sisters, but none of them are full blood related. Some of those brothers and sisters aren't any blood relation what so ever ... like Becky... my half brother's half sister's sister. At least my family tree forks....A LOT! :)
5. I was raised Roman Catholic. Baptized, 1st Communion, and Confirmed to the church with 9 years of CCD.
6. Not too many years after that, I decided I didn't believe in organized religion.
7. I had my first kiss in the second grade by a neighbor boy in the woods behind my house.
8. I didn't have my second kiss until I was in high school.
9. When I was 10 I got caught stealing a 10 cent jaw breaker from the corner drug store, and the owner called the cops and everything.
10. But it wasn't the last time I stole....
11. My dad is very out going recovering alcoholic, he stopped drinking in my teens.
12. My mom is a codependent with a very low self esteem.
13. Combine the two, and you have my personality to a tee.
14. I love forensic science anything...books, tv shows, movies etc. I think it drives my boyfriend crazy.
15. I've never been out of the country. I've only left Illinois (besides trips into Wisconsin) 3 times in my life. Once to Washington DC on an 8th grade field trip, once to Puerto Rico for Christmas with my grandfather before the passed away, and once to California for my sisters wedding.
16. I'm too much of a planner that it bites me in the arse sometimes.
17. I started my first job when I was 14 at Taco Bell.
18. I started working 2 jobs by the age of 16 and still do.
19. I've been waiting tables/bartending on and off for 11 years now.
20. I used to like doing, now...not so much.
21. I've only had 3 REAL relationships in my life, but I've dated more than that.
22. Of those three one beat me up, one 'disappeared', and one I'm still with and love VERY much.
23. I have a shoe obsession.
24. I was once committed to a mental institution until my insurance ran out.
25. I don't think it helped much, but I learned to help myself.
26. I LOVE to dance, but don't get to much anymore.
27. I love music...goes along with the dancing...of all kinds, except country and death metal.
28. I have yet to discover my talent.
29. Before I die I want to try rock climbing, skiing, rollerblading, learn to play a musical instrument, travel out of the country & swim in both oceans.
30. I have two tattoos. One on my wrist and one on my ankle.
31. I want more.
32. I didn't loose my virginity till I was 18 and out of high school.
33. I've only gotten flowers 3 times in my life, once on my 21st birthday from my dad, once on Valentines day from my best friend, and my 25th birthday from my dad.
34. I received diamonds once, from my Beth, for Christmas.
35. I got pregnant when I lost my virginity, and miscarried.
36. I got pregnant again when I was 20, and miscarried again the day I went in for an abortion.
37. I think men should have to take more responsibility for birth control....like taking the pill too.
38. I used to want to be a mother REALLY bad, now I have no desire.
39. My oldest brother Rich is gay, and my brothers sisters sister Becky is a lesbian.
40. I'm a faghag and love hanging with gay men going to cabaret shows and bars.
41. I think the president is a racist, moralist, bigot who needs to go take a long walk off a short pier.
42. I hate politics, but for some reason I like talking about stupid things politicians do.
43. I have never registered to vote. And don't plan to.
44. My favorite coffee drink is a Venti Iced White chocolate Mocha w/ an extra shot from Starbucks. I rarely get them cause they cost like $5 a pop.
45. I think Starbucks is a rip off, but I can't help stopping there on occasion cause I love it so much. (It must be the crack they serve with the coffee)
46. I used to be a cheerleader/pom pon girl, before it was the half tops and hot pants uniform.
47. I'm NOT athletic at all, but I am rhythmic.
48. I was a stripper for 2 3/4 months to pay my rent when I was 19.
49. I only have 2 really good friends besides my lover. Jeremy, whom I've known since I was 14 and Beth, whom I've known since I was 20. The rest of them I love to death, but they haven't been through the trenches with me.
50. I think the best feeling in the world is a GOOD hug from somebody.
51. My place were I'm the happiest is in the Brit's arm when I can smell him. It makes me tinkle inside.
52. I love to cuddle ... A LOT.
53. I have wanted to be an interior designer for about 7 years now...even though I really have no ability to draw or design as far as I know.
54. I once worked as a photographer for a living.
55. I've only really truly been in love once....and it's right now :)
56. My favorite alcoholic drink is a Raspberry Stoli (has to be Stoli) Cosmo.
57. I ADORE Mexican food.
58. I really only eat sweets when I'm stressed or depressed, otherwise...I crave salty foods.
59. I busted up my knee cap when I was 17, it still bugs me.
60. I've had stiches in my index finger, my eyebrow, my chin, and my foot.
61. I've been arrested...Twice.
62. I was found innocent...Twice.
63. The first person in my whole life to tell me they loved me (including my parents), was my best friend Jeremy when I was 17.
64. From the ages of 18-20 I wore a size 32AA bra and weighed between 104 & 112.
65. Now I wear a size 38C (which I've grown out of) and now weight between 150-160.
66. In the last year I've gained 30 pounds.
67. I hate myself for it, BUT I know only I can fix it, and I need to get off my fat ass.
68. I have an obsession for food.
69. I'll eat Chinese, Italian, Mexican, American, Thai, Mediterranean....ok I'll eat just about anything...but seafood.
70. I'm allergic to seafood and bees.
71. I went jet skiing for the first time EVER this year.
72. I hate being alone, but I hate the idea of not doing anything for myself.
73. I'm DEATHLY afraid of failure and disappointment.
74. I'm a workaholic, because it's the only thing I seem to do well.
75. I only speak (or should I say email) one person I went to high school with.
76. I never went to college.
77. I never knew how.
78. I'm an social butterfly, but have a hard time expressing my true feelings.
79. I like dressing up and going out on the town on occasion.
80. I'm dyslexic and ADD, but don't believe in taking meds.
81. I now live in Wisconsin, and don't care for it too much.
82. I am a recovering cocaine addict. 7 years sober thank you.
83. I'm extremely sarcastic.
84. I once considered being an actress.
85. My boyfriend taught me how to play PlayStation 2 this year. Now it's an addiction.
86. I love to swim.
87. I work at a paper supply/janitorial supply company by day.
88. I think that plastic surgery is wrong for cosmetic purposes.
89. I hate reality T.V.
90. I have had a big crush on Ty Pennigton from Trading Spaces/Extreme Makeover for about 5 years now.
91. I randomly break out into tune, like 'Funkytown' & 'Safety Dance' for NO reason what so ever and usually when there's no music playing.
92. I can't sing very well.
93. I'm quite weird in my own opinion.
94. I hate the winters bitter cold, but I think it looks pretty.
95. I'm quite easily amused but the strangest things....Like the 'Fat Kid'...he amuses me.
96. I want to take a yoga class.
97. I have a strange addiction to reading other people's blogs.
98. I have always believed I will die at a young age.
99. I think the man I'm dating now is the man I will marry and spend the rest of my days with.
100. I actually could write a 100 more things....well at least 50, but I'll stop now.

I don't know if I mentioned this lately, which I should have, but haven't due to pure laziness, but I love my boyfriend.

NO, I don't think you understand. I love him like more than I have ever loved anyone in my whole life. (well next to mom and pops, but that's a different kind of love). I love the way he smells when he holds me, I love the way he can make me feel safe and content by wrapping his arms around me. I love the feeling I get when I know I'm going to be able to see and spend quality time with him. I love how silly he can be to remind me life doesn't have to be so serious. I even love his quite cute English accent. Very recently I fucked up and almost lost this amazing love of my life simply because I was stupid enough not to show him how much he meant to me.

I never realized before how much you need to tell someone they're the reason you smile, get up in the morning to face the day, or simply just keep your car from driving off a cliff since at this point since life has been on the shitty side. Now, I realize that everyday is something to work for and towards in a relationship.

Beth would be proud of this one....I actually finally realized, through a swift kick of reality, that I have to concentrate on TODAY instead of so much on the future. You would think a child of an alcoholic, and a recovering drug addict herself would have figured this out LONG ago, but NO....I have to plan out every aspect of exactly what I'm going to do and when. I forgot that if I don't concentrate more on today .... there will be no tomorrow.

Well, that's my did bit for the day. Mostly because I wanted to tell my honey I loved him because he deserves it.....I love you....:)

Lots has happened in the past six or seven weeks.....

In mid September sadly enough I had a friend commit suicide. Now I hadn't seen this friend in nearly 4 or 5 years, but he has always been near and dear to my heart. Randy was the type who made you laugh even when he felt like crying. He touched your life in an intellectual way that no one else could possibly think of the creative to reach. He was talented, creative, funny, and a wonderful person who felt as though his life needed to end so suddenly. I still have the birthday card he made for me 6 years ago, proudly displayed on my bullentin board. He will be missed by all of us....Nikki,Clover,Billy,Steve,Joe,Chisty,Kris,Brian,and even Stephanie & I wish you would have reach out instead of giving up. May you rest in peace my friend.

The month of October was pretty blah. Lots of political discussion, LOTS of work to be done. But I did take some time off to go up north to visit my ailing grandpa and introduce Dayne to the extended family. He was well liked (as I knew he would be), and it was nice to be out of town. We did get to tour the Liene's Lodge and Brewery.....fun times had by all. Holloweenie was spent with Kivi and Dayne at a road rally....we placed second out of all the beginners! WE ROCK!!! Although we missed half the stuff we were supposed to find but who cares we had fun...and fought, but mostly had fun. One sad note to October was when Dayne and I came home from up north, we sadly found my Fattie (the fattest cat in the world) paralyzed in the basement. Turns out he had a kitty heart attack and needed to be put out of his misery. It was sad and devastating and hurt A LOT, but it was for the best and he's in kitty heaven now eating all the tuna and ham off the table he wants :)

Now, November....well November hasn't started out the greatest either. No more time off...for a while anyway since were booked solid financially. Bush looks like he won the election so now we have to put up with the racist, sexist, moralistic, bigot bastard that doesn't even have a grasp on the English language for the next four years.....yay....wait NO...BOO. My life will go on even with him in office, but it would've been nice to see a realistic thinker in office. Hopefully the rest of the month will go well......we'll see, we'll see. I am happy for one thing though.... NO MORE POLITICAL ADS, SIGNS, OR RETARDED TELEMARKETERS CALLS! YEAH!!!!!

Ladies and gents for you reading pleasure I'd like to present to your reading pleasure......

THINGS I WISH NEVER TO HEAR ABOUT IN THE NEWS AGAIN!

(although wishful thinking cause I'll be hearing about them again and again and again....)

1. The election. Although this one will only last till November (hopefully if we don't have a repeat of 4 years ago.) I'm really sick of hearing about John, John, George W., and Dick. Thank god the presidential election is only every 4 years. If I had to hear about this shite every year....I'd be thrownin' the boob tube out the window. There's only one thing I have to say about the election....GET YOUR DAMN RELIGION OUT OF MY GOVERNMENT! There done. Now move on!

2. The Scott Peterson case. Isn't this whole judicial system thing based on the whole right to a speedy trail aspect? I don't see a year (or is it two?) as being speedy. Murder case in Chicago 3 days, 1 week tops...Murder case in Cali....3 years. Don't get it, not at all. Just get on with it. Guilty or Innocent, Sentencing, DONE! It's not that hard, I'm sure there are some people on this damn case that have seen Law & Order, take some queues!

3. Hurricane anything. Stop, just stop. I don't want to see on the news anymore people standing in line for tarps because there room is gone, estimated damage of the storms, how shocked people are that there houses on the ocean were destroyed during hurricane season. Granted I feel for the people who lost homes or loved ones. But come on you have to admit by the third one you were kinda chuckling a bit. I mean come on what are the chances of that many hurricanes hitting one place so close together. And how stupid were the residents to be shocked there are hurricanes during hurricane season. Not to mention the fact that who didn't think it was funny to watch a bunch of dumbass reporters feel the need to stand outside in the middle of a hurricane to report. But I'm done...don't want to hear anymore....

4. Michael Jackson's child moslestation case. Ok, granted the guys is off...WAY off. But I suppose if you lived in a place called the Neverland Ranch you'd be a little off too. Do I believe MJ molested little boys? Not really, he may have acted a too affectionate but honestly I don't think he realizes what he's doing when he is that affectionate. I mean seriously, his nose fell off cause he didn't realize what he was doing to himself. But regardless, if he did or didn't do it he needs help, LOTS. I don't want to see it anymore, on the news, Emeniem videos, cartoons, or bad joke emails. It's sad that man with so much talent went down hill mentally, and it's even sadder if these poor children WERE molested for obvious reasons.

5. ANYTHING about Britney Spears her wedding or her stupid white trash husband. I don't give a crap if she's funkin' up her life....nuf said.

6. Reporting about reality T.V. shows, like 'The apprentice' and 'Survior'. First of all, let's point out there's no REALITY in reality T.V. Now 'Cops' showed the reality of drunk white trash in ripped wife beaters with their uncombed mullets stubbleing along the sidewalk bloody cause he and the wife got into it. THAT'S reality. Putting me on an island and making me do stunts for prizes, that' s not reality that's an on location game show.

7. Martha Stewart. Granted I laughed when she was being charged. I hate Martha Stewart...her voice makes me feel as though I'm going into seizure. But following the whole trail, the decision, the decision not to appeal, seeing which jails she was picking from, seeing which jail she got into, and last nite was the 'how have Martha's first days been'. SHUT UP ALREADY! That women does not deserve this much attention, FOR ANYTHING!

And for now I'm leaving...I've gotten myself worked up!!!

*I'm a lair, were busy at work....I'll be back with more.

Funny how things change so much in a year. Last year I posted this on a friends website on December 3 2003. This year I'm very much in love with a guy I never thought I'd even date (considering he was married) Never know what your going to run into in life. So I thought I'd share:

I’m calling my turn on this subject just to vent some of my frustrations. While I’m new to this site and all I feel as though after reading some of the posts I just feel the need to vent too. First of all thank you for saying not all women suck I as a women know that some of them do, in which I will return not all men suck, but I know I’ve sure dated some that do.

I have discovered as time goes by men are threatened by the fact that I’m independent. I was always under the impression that this was a good thing, but the older I get the more I find that it’s not if you want a relationship. I work two jobs cause I HAVE to not cause I want to. Trust me I’d rather go home after a long day at the office rather than go wait tables for another 4 or 5 hours, but in order to support myself at this time, it requires me to work that other job. I know that my significant other (if I could snag one for more than 2 weeks) would rather see me more often, and if he would give more than 2 hours notice, I could make plans to get the day/night off to see you. Calling me 2 hours before I’m supposed to be there telling me to call in sick isn’t responsible and not my style. Let’s not forget that I depend on that money to survive and there is no way in hell I would let you pay my rent/car payment/etc that’s the stubbornness of being independent.

Another dilemma has been the quality of men that I meet, somewhat along the lines of what the SWG is going through. I’m not sure when it became common for people to marry before they call legally get into a bar, but somehow every eligible guy seems to be. Now at the age of 25 I’m meeting men that are either one cheating on there wives, two, out for sex, or three out for arm candy. Let me break it down for you fellas, I’m not interested in being the ‘other women’ no matter how good you tell me you can treat me. I was also raised with these nagging things called morals so sorry there will be no sex on the first date, or the second, or the third for that matter. We’ll have sex when I feel I’ve gotten to know you well enough to exchange in that intimate encounter, not when you’ve bought me dinner. Speaking of which, when did it become a requirement for me to have to sleep with you because you bought dinner? Does that mean when I buy dinner your required to rub my feet after a hard day of waitressing? Or clean my apartment, cause I could really use that! And these older guys (no offense to anyone) seem to think I’m there to look good and be quiet. Well, unfortunately I’m Italian and Irish, there’s one thing I don’t know how to be is quiet. I like expressing my opinions. Where are the guys I can sit and have a few drinks and have an intelligent conversation with expressing my opinions while you express yours without demeaning one others views. Come on people, they are called OPINONS not FACTS.

I’d also like to quickly clear this up for those of you who seem to be confused. My name for the record is Dawn, not ‘Just Dawn’. My parents did not name me ‘Just’ so therefore I’d like to stop being referred to as if that was my first name. Just because I can be comfortable with a bunch of guys does not mean I am one of them. I grew up with 6 brothers, OF COURSE I’m comfortable around guys and know a little more about how guys think, that doesn’t mean I’m still not a women. I can’t remember the last time a guy I knew didn’t say something along the lines of “It’s ok, it’s just Dawn.” I’m aware that it’s a sort of compliment, but sometimes it doesn’t feel that way. I’m a little sick of being the chick everyone wants to hang with, but too much like a sister/buddy to date.

Just for the record SWG I sympathize, the winter/holiday months are approaching rather quickly and I have no one to snuggle up to either while at the same time I have to go to every family function and answer yet again why I’m not married or in a relationship with someone. I’m starting to think it might be easier to tell them I’m gay that it is for me to explain how I can’t tolerate to be in a room with a guy for more than an hour before stupidity runs from his mouth or he’s trying to put his hand up my shirt. **Sigh** Doomed…. I guess it’s not SO bad to be alone (except when your roommate is planning her wedding then it’s kind of annoying) but it’s always nicer to have someone to call or come home to. I just keep telling myself it could be worse, I could’ve settled!

So toady is customer appreciation day at work. Which basically means they give us some free cheap crap, and buy us lunch....hot dogs and such....and say get back to work.

personally I'd like them to stop hiring people with 6 digit incomes that don't seem to know a damn thing and give me a decent raise since I'm the one having to deal with these customers on a daily basis. But that won't happen....since 'we didn't have a good year'. But that seems to happen every year.

They just officially cut the Brit OT too, which is A LOT of cash (well a lot to us anyway). But yet they haven't cut his work load, and anything that goes wrong is his fault....even if he's not even here like the shite that went down on Friday (we took vaca). My company makes NO sense.....

Still trying to lose some pounds. Even though I keep forgetting the gym gear I just washed. BUT!! My pops did just fix my bike for me so I'll be able to use that now, till the winter comes anyway and we get a buried in snow (I HATE WINTER). My mom and pops were even nice enough to set up my own bed at home. I missed my bed. A LOT! And on Sunday when I came home bloody hungover it was the coolest present in the WORLD!

Bah....I have a lot to say just no time to say it in....so for now...Hasta.

Ok, so the wedding's come and gone. I lost maybe 3 pounds (since my pants don't feel as snug I'm guessing)....and I got ridiculously plastered at the wedding and made an ass of myself to my boyfriend. Don't remember a damn thing or I'd give you details.....but Jess was pretty, for the bitch that she is.....she was a pretty bride.

Ok, so work is INSANE lately. I'm so stressed at my day job I can barely tolerate going to serve people at night anymore. Although for the boyfriend it's been TEN times worse so I can't complain too much (except for the fact then when he leaves here he doesn't have to go to another job....) The Brit's house is now officially up for sale (any takers??!!!) and once it's sold we can move into our own home! YAY! I don't know how much more I can take. Especially since I torture myself by spending these really nice weekends (or weeks like last week) with him...only to have to go back to sleeping on my own. I like naked spooning!! I want it now! But NO...I gotta live with the rents, and he has to have that whole wife thing.....damn it.

I think all the day's stress could easily be relieved if everyone could go home and nekid spoon! I'm patented that idear!

Geez....I haven't written in a while....SORRY folks. (although I say that knowing no one reads this damn blog)

I'm a little cranky folks, in case you haven't noticed.....I'm a little cranky because I have made the mistake of weighing myself on Friday. It was supposed to be stupid fun Holly and I were having when we were on the way home from a concert in Milwaukee. (Hey, when they put a scale that tells you your fortune in the women's bathroom, you can't help but to use it....)Instead I almost had a small heart attack when I discovered I'm REAL close to the 190 range.

Granted I knew I gained weight, but I didn't know I was getting that big. I'm a fat ass....
Needless to say, I'm changing my eating habits and going back to running DAILY if it kills me.

Why so cranky you ask? Well, I'm hungry damnit. I've gotten my body used to just eating when my tummy growls, now I won't fall for such advances from my tummy...No I'm not starving myself, but I have to balance my diet and stop all the snacking on junk. The Englishmen however has the fastest metabolism EVER so he can eat whatever whenever he chooses, right now that just makes me want to punch anyone with a metabolism in the neck.

FAT KID!!! Rally up! I say we take them all down!!!

Ok, breathing deeply......I'll keep you posted on my progress....right now I have 2 weeks till Jess's wedding and hoping to shed like 5lbs by they (not an unreasonable goal). I'm at (DREAD the thought of admitting it....) 188 now....maybe if I post it it'll help me keep on track. Cross your fingers and encourage the soon to be other fat kid if she doesn't keep on herself!!!

188 and counting....>DOWN NOT UP>>>>>

....the waves keep on crashin' on me for some reason....but your love keeps on coming like thuderbolt.

I'm going on VACATION! Yeah.

Ok, so I'm going to stay in a hotel in the area for 4 days, it's not like I'm going to Mexico or anything. I'm just not going to work for 4 1/2 days! YAH!~

As of 12:30 today...I'm gone I'm out, I'm going to be spending nekid time with my boyfriend! Sweet candy ass! And it's the Englishmen's birthday this monday! He's turing 34 this Monday...so no more saying your 33 (even if my mom didn't believe you).....

Ok, I have to actually work for the next few hours, not busy Saturday....call me....and come over to party with us (if your not already!)

.....you got me feelin' hella good so let's just keep on dancin'!

.....yeah-a, alright we'll spend the night together, wake up and live forever.

Damn! I haven't updated in a while! I think it's because I'm so busy at work I almost forgot I had a blog.....how can one forget! It's like I turned into Kivi for a moment!

Well, Gary was nice enough to comment in my blog that it popped into my email and I remembered, damnit girl you need to blog. You set it up to relieve stress.....do it damn it!

In answer to your question Gary...I'm not sure what kind of hobby I'm looking for. You see the man in my life goes to the track on Saturdays to ride his dirtbike. (While I'm serving tables for 10 hours....Nice) It's something he REALLY enjoys and it relieves a lot of stress for him. It got me to thinking that I really need something to relieve the stress in my life.

Right now, riding the El for hour would be a little difficult since I have only one day a week to myself ... and to myself I mean I don't have to go to work. Lately Dayne and I have been spending a lot of time going to a local park finding a quiet spot to lay out a blanket and spend the day reading, drinking beer, and being alone with each other..... and it's wonderful. But those moments are few and far between.

I could tell you my hobby is playing and electronic handheld solitaire game at night when I get home, but that could make me a loser. (take my advice people DON'T pick up one of these games! They are highly addicting, it may be harder to give up the solitaire than it was to give up the coke problem I had.) I could tell you my hobby is drinking beer, but that would make me an alcoholic. I could tell you my hobby is being intimate with my boyfriend, but that's more of a necessity than a hobby.

I don't have a knack for drawing or painting (although I love art....) I don't have a knack for writing (although I blog) I don't have a death wish so riding is out of the question (besides the boys might have a heart attack if I showed up with them) I just need something to take my mind off the day.

Dayne can tell you for this, I stress about EVERYTHING. I'm stress about his get together for his birthday, I'm stressed about work, I'm stress about finances, I'm stress about a place to live, I'm stressed about having to make it through today, I'm stressed about going to the white trash fair with my family this weekend (that's the Wisconsin State Fair for you non-locals) I'm pretty much on edge ALL the time. That's why Dayne and I make a great couple. He NEVER stresses unless it's about work, and about twenty minutes after he's left here.....it's gone. I want that power. Maybe I can make my hobby the ability not to have to plan EVERYTHING to a tee. But I doubt that will happen.

Ok, I have to start work now......I'll come back later when it quiets down and write some more since I haven't written in awhile.

Hasta.

I have just now decided I REALLY need a hobby, just for the stress relief alone. Suggestions?

...don't waste your time on me your already the voice inside my head....

My blog bores people I think, then again I didn't make to to entertain I made it to vent fustrations, so who the funk cares. :)

I have a million and one things I SHOULD be doing (not work wise, it's pretty slow this morning otherwise I wouldn't be typing this) but can't seem to motivate myself to do anything. I'm chalking it up to my accident and all the meds I've been on.

****I fell at work, sprained my lower back for those of you who don't know*****

So I'll make a list:

Things I should be doing, but just don't have the motivation to do

1. Picking up hours at the Bennigan's trying to catch up from this time I've been on workmen's comp.

2. Calling the damn Walgreens to see if I can get a receipt for my Vicodan that Dayne accidently threw away, but I need to turn into workmen comp.

3. Finding out where the hell my boyfriend is since he's not answering his phone when I call.

3 1/2. Kicking his butt if he rode his bike to work since it's supposed to thunderstorm today.

4. July's financial forecast (i.e. figuring out how I'm going to get those damned bills paid.)

5. Working to get rid of this extra 40 pounds! Damn the slowing of the metabolism.

6. Finding an apartment since I only have till October 1st to find a place to live.

7. Stop stressing over all the money I spent in the last month.

8. Find a birthday gift for my guy. O.K. I have a month for that

9. Getting sunglasses before I go blind from squinting.

10. Watching the reply of I love the 90's on VH1 for the laugh.

11. Figuring out how loud I can turn up my headphones and still hear the phone ring since Kelly's getting louder and louder.

12. Beating the crap out of the mofo's that decided to leave us with a $217 bill on Saturday.

13. Finding cheap ways Dayne and I can spend time together.

14. Finding cheap (but nice) hotels we can stay in when we need to have some private time so we don't have an experience like we did last weekend. FYI...never stay at the DAYS INN in Kenosha

15. Getting the song 'Funky Town' town out my head. Don't ask I don't know.

16. Organizing my desk.

17. Cleaning my car, inside and out. Mainly to get that smiley face off the back of my car and my boyfriend off my back about how messy my car is.

18. Figuring out why I find this ( Mental Drippings ) so damn funny.

19. Learning how to drive stick.

20. Getting a haircut.

21. Finding a stylist closer to home that I like so I can get a hair cut.

22. One word ladies .... Pedicure... It's open toe shoe season and I'm without one (shutter)

23. Finding new ways to please my man (and I don't mean in the bedroom)

24. Finding new ways to please my man (and this time I do mean in the bedroom)

25. Realize my addiction to reading other peoples blogs and coming to terms with it. (I need a self help group, do you think there's BA.

26. Finding out why the whole ....they make you run faschter... thing is just so funny to me.

27. E mailing back my best friend over in Iraq.

28. Figuring out where to take my honey for his birthday. Ok, I know I have a month

29. Getting back to work instead of typing here.......

30. Developing the pictures I took on the Fat Kid's 21st

31. Finding new music to listen to.

32. Realizing how old I'm getting because they made an I love the 90's and I can't believe the whole Amy Fisher thing and Ren and Stimpy first came out 12 years ago.

33. Calling Beth to let her know I have Friday and Sunday off.

34. Going to the bathroom instead of holding it.

35. Laughing out loud on how much money Brittany Spears is going to loose out on her 2nd marriage now (dumbass that doesn’t want a pre-nup!)

36. Buying shorts to wear since it’s damn hot.

37. Drinking my Venti Iced Double Shot White Mocha with whip cream…..maybe if I did I’d be motivated!

38. Asking for my vacation days. (Dear GOD! I need them!)

39. Finding a hobby before I go crazy….

40. Actually getting back to work instead of typing more.


***Update, 3 and 3 1/2 are done, found him, no bike, he just slept in***

Yahoo! News - Irish Pub Closes Over Smoking Ban

I tell you what this 'smoking ban' thing is the STUPIDEST law ever. I can deal with the separate rooms from smokers, or even some restaurant right to ban smoking, because it's an open area. I respect the fact you don't want me to smoke near your kids or in your house, but IT'S A FRIGGIN BAR! I even know ALOT of NON-smokers who smoke when they drink....get off your "I'm gonna die from your smoke" horse, suck it up and deal with it. One night isn't going to kill you TRUST ME. Or better yet stop hangin at bars and you'll be fine. But the first time you get a beer bottle to the face cause you wanted to stop a nic fitting, beer filled smoker from lighting up....don't come whining to me!...Cripes it may have been me.....you big baby.

U N A W A R E

Who's jealous I'm going to his movie premiere! I know you are! Ok, most of the people who read this blog are coming too...but hell. It sounds really cool to say I'm going to a movie premiere!

Good luck to Holly who may perform topless in a thong in the movie, but would never lie and say she was moving in with a friend in Vegas, but really moving in with a skanky stripper.

Oh and if anyone who's reading this WANTS to come and isn't already Holly would really love the support! It's at the Performing Arts Theatre in Skokie right across from Old Orchard (where the Doubletree Hotel is). It's $5....there's a showing at 6 and 8. Most of us are probably going to the 8 showing to go out afterward. Come join the fun.....

put on your big-girl panties and DEAL WITH IT. I spend WAY too much time reading other peoples blogs when I'm bored at work. I feel the need to give props where props are due. Be careful folk this stuff is rated R but I give her an A++ for being able to be so free with her life and lifesytle....if only my blog were so interestin'.....but I think my honey might kill me if it was......mushy peas, mushy peas :)

Have you ever had a day where it's possible that you could kill just about everyone you work with and just burst into tears at any moment from the amount of stress you have? I'm having that today.....but, even though he probably doesn't want the world to see it...I'm posting it anyway, this is what I get to cheer me up from my baby:

I know you probably don’t need to here this right now babe but I have to tell you anyway. Please don’t let these cocksuckers get you down; you’re worth so much more than any of them give you credit for, and your worth at least a million whore, bitch, slut, idiot, bimbo, demented crazy fucking nut job Kelly. So baby please please please know that you are my absolute world and you’re a very good egg and as much as this place and the people in it piss us off we both need this place right now (I really don’t know what I’d do if you left) so please try and forget about the idiots and there stupidity and remember I love you so much it hurts and when I see you like this it almost tear’s me apart. There are two things you can be sure of Dawn, you work with a bunch of fucking retards and you have a man whole loves you more than life itself (or anything it has to offer for that matter). So baby cakes, cheer up, I know it’s not much but you do have me

That just makes everything all better! I'm one lucky gal!

14Kt White Gold Aquamarine and Diamond Ring .20ct TDW - ICE.com - Product Detail

So I was looking at my birthstone rings (cause I'm bored on a Friday) and found this one....it's BEAUTIFUL!!!!

....Been chillin' at the Holiday Inn....(ok, I lie, it was the Excel Inn)

***BUSTED***

So as my favorite Enlishmen and I were preparing for our weekend together (i.e. loading up my car with stuff at the Kohl's parking lot) we were unexpectedly caught by our resident psycho.

Yes, we have been outed! Granted we were kissing cause it looks as though a LOT is coming together with the sepatation of the wife and all, but I don't think either one of us expected to be caught like we were.

It's Wednesday though and everything is ok as far as work goes. I told a few people that I like and respect at work so they wouldn't be offended by hearing via rumor. But all and all Dayne and I are pretty happy we can finally call each other boyfriend/girlfriend out loud without worrying if someone will hear and tell the wrong person.

YAY!

The Fat Kid had his 21st birthday so were proud that he's all growed up (even if his mom did call and try and make him come home). I do have a video of him riding the bull at Gameworks, but I think the kid ruined his tummy the night before by puking too much so not much drinking ensued. We did have video game playing fun even if everyone else punked out (losers!)

So I'm off (starting tomorrow) to housesit for the next 10 days for my bro who's off to Cali with the wife and kids. I'm not exactly thrilled considering I have to be FURTHER from work than I want to be, but I'll live....and I get to spend a little extra time with Daynecakes. (it still doesn't sound right unless it comes from Matt.) YAY.....I'll keep ya posted...

And in case Beth is reading...email me Eric's email address please :)

Love ya baby!

So Anyways... This is close to one of the funniest and truthful things I've ever read!!! Check out her past coulumns. This is funny stuff! UPDATE 6/23: The article is now not on the link, but the website is still funny as heck!

My Secret Life As A Prostitute

Ok I don't really remember how I find these things, but I get bored at work. This is some "interesting" reading to say the least!

Sure Thing, Babs

I dig this chicka's blog, she makes me laugh. YAY!

....nothing left for me to do but DANCE.

Let's start off with a BIG O' SORRY to my bestest friend Beth for me not keepin' her more informed on my life. I hate having such a hectic schedule I can't even find time to call people anymore! You and I need to have dinner. SOON! And considering the fact you've been with your man for how long now DAMN....and I've been with mine for 6 months now (yep it's been 6 months!) we should really arrange to meet each others significant others.

I'm up in Pleasant Prairie right now (which I LOVE....sarcasim in case you didn't figure that one out....) and your man is in Lake Geneva, we should meet up for dinner on a Sunday we all have free (before the Faire starts cause I couldn't be nor could I drag Dayne to the Renisance Faire!)

Ok, apologies out of the way. So my soon to be roomies boyfriend gave her the boot, or should I say gave her 2 weeks notice. Situation goes Andy (Holly's man) just up and decided to move to Vegas. So, Monday night, he just tells Holly he's leaving at the end of the month. He's already put in his 2 weeks at work and got an apartment out in Vegas. Now you would think after dating someone for 6 months they would give you at least the common decency to talk with you about leaving. Nope not Andy, he gave Holly 2 weeks notice instead. No offence to her but I guess that's what you get when you date a 22 year old boy! An emotionally retarded boyfriend. Needless to say, Holly's better off. She's one of the most beautiful gals I've ever met outside and in. SO therefore if there are any guys out there looking for a hot blonde....I got a newly single one. (not you Kivi, I don't care if she is on your list.)

Speaking of the Kivster....he turns 21 at midnight on Thursday! YAY! Dayne and I are using it as an excuse to get out of town and get a hotel room for a little private intimate time we can't seem to manage now that I'm back at home. Of course we'll be partyin' the night away for the fat kids B-day, but then Dayne and I are going to have our own private party for Saturday. :) YAY.

It's time to go break the receptionist, and get some more coffee so I can make it through this REALLY long day! Damn I knew I shouldn't have taken out Holly last night to drown her sorrows, although my baby is hurting more than I it seems this morning. I love you sweets. (you too Beth....and the fat kid too.)

Later....

IT MAKES YOU RUN FASCHTER!

...they know what it what, but they don't know what is what...

So I started bringing my headphones to work so I don't have to here about a certain red head turned blonde talk about her giant greasy jigsaw puzzle. Yes ladies and gentleman, that's what she refers to the car she just bought to fix up. Or had her fiance buy to fix up, but likes to tell people she's going to be the one fixing it up. Somehow I can't see this coming from the girl who does her nails on a daily basis at work, but whatever. Work is better now, but I think she knows I do it cause of her so she now does less work. I may be busier BUT I do have the banging beats of Paul Oakenfold in my ears so I'm happy! YAY me. Not to mention I have a cute as hell boyfriend who reminds me a million times a day what a wonderful person I am and what a tool she is. So I'm loved, she's psychotic so NAH!

Anyway, not much is going on. I moved so my commute for the next few months is mini torture, but I'll live and soon enough I'll be living with the love of my life and Holly so it's just a matter of sacrifice now. So....anyone know a good townhome for rent for a good price in the vicinity of Glenview/Deerfield....keep your eyes peeled I have till October!!

http://timberkivi.blogspot.com turns 21 next weekend. We are taking the fat kid out to Gameworks for drunken video game fun. I think it'll be a blast considering I'm dating a big kid, and I couldn't see the Kivster in a banging night club his first weekend at an official grown up. Now Kivi, this does mean your mom can not call and ask the 'Fruity Pebbles' question anymore!!! Alrighty then...I'm outie, I actually am busy. Just a breather. AHHHH......there I feel better.

Love you honey.

....they just strut...what the F*@& (edited for under 21 audiences)

I'm addicted to Brian Walsh's middle drawer. (HONEY CLAM DOWN!!! I SAID DRAWER NOT DRAWERS!!!) You see this guy in purchasing has the drawer of goodies. Like lemon drops and Dove chocolate but the best of all Twizzlers....I'm addicted to these stupidly good strawberry treats! I try to pretend I don't know anything about this drawer, but it's useless, it pull me toward it and next thing you know I'm cramming this twisted sugary treats in my mouth.

At least they're a fat free snack......

So work has been 'interesting' to say the least. I'm been working my butt off, but I have a couple of gals who think they're still in high school trying this, let's get her in trouble routine. Funny thing is my boss knows better so I'm not real worried. I personally liked the whole instance where they said I didn't know how to work customer service....huh that's interesting, I've been working in the restaurant industry for nearly 11 years and now suddenly I don't know how to take care of customers. INTERESTING....you would think in that amount of time someone would have told me that.
Oh well as Dayne says....Fuck em. I'm out to by myself a new CD player for work so I don't even have to here thier voices if I don't want to ... YAY....

OHOHOHOHOH!!! YAY!!! It worked. If you want to leave me comments, click on that little place where it says # comments in light blue! YAY! I'm a blog genius!

So? You like? I switched it up a bit....like decorating a new house. I made a few changes, spurced up my blog to make it more "me". I dig it. I'm trying to get the "comments" section to work so you can leave comments if you like (all 3 of you who ready my blog) but that's slow going. I'm learnin' as I go :). Look for more changes to come!

....pour some sugar on me!

I'm sick. Really sick. Not fever sick, but can't walk ten feet without feeling like I'm going to pass out and gasping for air sick. Which mind you makes waitressing really 'easy'. I decided to break down and go to the doctor today. Although I don't want to, I need to. Since the Mac Grill, Chili's, Applebee's and On the Border have all closed down we've been up 75% to 80% at Bennigans. It's going to be BUSY this weekend when the town finds out Mac Grill and Chili's are now closed too....BOO...I mean YAY for the money, but boo for the running around when I already can't breathe. Hence the going to the doc to break some of this congestion up so I can breathe easier this weekend. Ok, Kivi, I updated for you....even though you found other friends to hang with last night.

I hate myself today. I haven't said that since high school, but I really do hate myself today. I think it's going to be one of those days I'm not going to be able to stop crying if I try no matter what anybody says. It seems to be pick on Dawn day.....so far I've gotten the I don't dress to standards at work (and if I want to flaunt it I better look for another place to work) and the 'we're all aware your struggling with your weight' speech. ALL IN ONE LECTURE!!! Yah! I'm a fat ass who can't dress!

I want to go home now....bad....I can't stop crying...so I'll just stare at my screen pretend to work the best I can, and blubber like an idiot. I'm just so mad I'm taking this so personally ... I think it's the weight and the pointing out that my boobs are a little excessive at the same time...well damn what the hell am I supposed to to with them! They're there, I can't just tuck them away. I really do wish I could sometimes I really miss the 32AA I once was. If these were a boob job, I'd have them removed.

Enough, I'm off to blubber and feel sorry for myself for a moment. I love you hon, thanks for trying to make me feel better. Your the best.

Ho Hum life is so boring sometimes. Especially when your stuck in the routine that I'm in, work/pack/sleep.....(and the occasional couple of hours with the man in my life). As most of you know I've never been much of a good sleeper....damn that whole chemical imbalance!....but lately it's been even WORSE! Last night was the first time I fell asleep before midnight in FOREVER...but of course our very own timberkivi decided to wake me up with the 11 o'clock because he heard 'Pour some sugar on me'. BOO Kivi BOO!!!!

Ok, so needless to say I'm a little bummed about my move, packing up all my stuff just makes me depressed. I'm going to be furthest away from everything I love (except you honey) and it just depresses the hell out of me. As long as everything goes smoothly I'll be ok, I'll be a wreck until it does, but I'll be ok once it all settles.

So Kivi, your still in pursuit I see. Well, my advice, just let the cards fall where they may. If you push, people tend to push back. As for your non social life, well, stop letting the fam plan your life and maybe you could make plans with the rest of the real world :) I'm sorry if Monday,Wednesday, and Fridays having dinner with me at Benigga's isn't good enough for you. There's always Saturday, you could come hang with me all day!!(tee...hee)

I gotta work....hasta

So I don't have much to post, I do but I don't have much time....so here's a quote I ran across that made me giggle...

"Sermons are the opinion of one man, trying to kill three hours" Scott Parker Canadian Historian

You know there are some people in my life I'm damn thankful are there. Although some of my friends are young, they are still smart beyond there years at times. And some of them are older and still large children and that's a trait I resemble myself. Sometimes they take me back a bit by saying things I just wouldn't expect but are truly nice and sweet. (That's right Kivi I'm talkin' about you)

But sometimes, I just don't understand my friends. Don't get me wrong I'd pretty much do anything (besides kill a man, sleep with farm animals, or....well there is actually A LOT I wouldn't do....) for my friends and I'd like to think they'd do the same for me. If they don't feel what I was doing was right, they'd tell me, or if they were hurt by something I said/did, they'd tell me. That's what being a friend is. Being able to tell someone they're a F@#* up and knowing that all and all your going to be friends in the long run. It's also about supporting your friends even if they aren't doing exactly what you would have expected them to.

It is NOT however about giving someone the funked up silent treatment! If your my friend YELL AT ME! I make mistakes in my life and they are MINE to make. Right now I'm the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. I'm in love with a wonderful man who loves me more than I could ever have imagined. I know he's married, I'm the one who has to deal with that on a daily basis. If it was a typical marriage situation I would feel horrible, but it's not so I only feel somewhat horrible. I battle my own demons everyday....I don't need my friends suddenly not speaking to me with no explanation as to why. I know your upset, but would you rather have me lie about it?! I value each and every one of my friends like part of my family, when they treat me like trash to be discarded, it makes me feel as though they never even cared in the first place.

I've been around the block quite a few times I've had a lot of people who claimed to be my friends walk out of my life without a second thought, so I'm not about to beg for you to be my friend, but I wanted you to know I have had some of the best times I've ever had with you. I'd like to keep you as part of my life, but if you can't accept me into your life anymore, I understand too. This isn't how I planned things, it's just the way the cards were dealt........

Ok, Ok, Kivi....the part you've been waiting for....your advice.
I know Steve, I love Steve, you two are my comedic relief with your completely opposite personalities....yet your so alike...funny how that happens. I know that not much bothers Steve, he's one of the most patient people I know, I suppose you have to be when your the worlds slowest eater. So here the thing, it doesn't seem as though Steve and this girl dated for long but still there's probably some uncomfortablness there. One, your right you have no wheels, you would have to depend on others for a ride...so until you get your license back your kinda stuck. Two, can you really enter into a relationship with someone who doesn't like your best friend...yes, but will it work out....no, even if it does for a period of time there's always that feeling of being pulled in two different directions....one by your friend of forever, and the other by the girl your trying to date.

My thinking is since I know you is that maybe your starting to like this gal cause she's a cool chick to hang with and now you 'think' you have feelings towards the relationship standings since your (no offence) desperate for affection. Trust me I've been there. Tried to push a relationship with someone I thought was "perfect" for me and we would make a good couple....when really we just made good friends. I think you need to sit back and REALLY think about the whole thing. Right now I think you need to straighten out a few priorities in your life before you try and enter into a relationship anyway. I.E. looking further into getting your license back, paying off the psycho ex-roomies dad, you just started a new job you love...so let's try and get hired from temp status, and even looking into taking some classes Mr. College Drop out. Trust me when your the happiest with yourself, is when things just seem to oddly fall into place. That's what happened to me....granted making life difficult now, but trust me.

I love you Kivi (and Stevie too), but I think your at a part in time with your lives your just now discovering yourselves. Trust me I was there it's a weird age, trying to be an adult and a kid at the same time ain't easy (just ask Dayne.)....but romance isn't something you NEED in your life, it's something you want (who wouldn't) but being alone isn't bad at all either. You both have some great friends, wonderful families, and ME :) ok I was tooting my own horn....but seriously...having a relationship isn't easy...AT ALL...and in order to enter into one I think you really need to work on you first. Be happy being single work on your future a little. Not that you have to figure it all out in the next year, but think about it, is bringing a gal into your life right now really fair when you have so much extra baggage on your hands?

Ok, this is like the longest post ever! And I'm sure it's going to cause problems for me some where....but regardless....I always speak my mind, and hell that's what my blog is for. To a certain someone I'm sure is reading this with Kivi in the warehouse. I love you and don't you forget it!

Till next time!......

So I haven't updated in a long time. I've had a lot going on, most of which I won't get into. I have way to much on my plate right now and I'm not sure if I'm going to go insane from it all or just break down and cry hysterically. Why is it I like to get myself in the most ridiculous (or ricockulous as Luke/Matt/and Erik would say) situations. I suppose it's because I like to beat myself up in the long run.

So basically for those of you who don't know (which by now I don't know how you don't) I fell in love, shocker I know, ME of all people actually falling in love. Except just like every other relationship I've EVER had there's a problem. He's British....(that's not the problem)...he's married. By married I mean married to stay in the country and get his citizenship, not married made a lifetime commitment to this women because he loved her. Now I know it goes against EVERYTHING I stand for and everything I've ever preached about when my caddy girlfriends were flirting around with married men with power. This man has NOTHING so it's not like I'm going after anything....he works hard for everything he has, provides for his wife...and her daughter (NOT HIS)....he has two kids back in England he still takes care of....and best of all....he loves me with all of his heart. It's hard to believe, but if you met him and talked to him for more than 5 min....you would know too. I've come very close to walking out of this crazy situation a million times. The whole relationship makes me sick to my stomach, the lies, the sneaking around, the once a cheater always a cheater thoughts in my mind. This whole thing makes me want to tear my hair out on a daily basis. But then when I'm with him all of that doesn't seem to matter cause I know how much he cares for me and I've never felt anyone care about me like that before. Now I'm sure your thinking how in the world did it even start if you knew he was married, LONG story if you want to know that one you'll have to call or email me. It wasn't like I woke up one day and decided to be with him....it was much more complicated than that...and has spanned over the last year before anything happened between us..... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ok, ok, ok, had to get it all out. Now my friends and family reading this think I'm insane cause no one has ever known me to act like this or be so weak in a situation..... but I guess they were right when they said love makes you do strange things!

By the way, Timberkivi hasn't updated his blog, but he has a jobby job now for any of you who were wondering. He works with my Brit, I got him a job with him here at North American. So he can't complain anymore. Besides he's doing so much real work now, he's shedding some pounds....of course it's because he walks into the building and starts instantly sweating, but hey it's the shedding of pound none the less!

I gotta go, I'm sure I'll get EMAILS on this blog so I'll talk to you all later. By the way Luke, I miss hanging with you. Are you mad at me? I understand if it's with this whole situation, but I still love ya your my favorite! No one could ever replace you!

Ok, so I made a friend update, so here I go.....

Update is I have 2 jobs that keep me DAMN busy since one I'm SWAMPED at with customers calling and salesmen barking, and the other I'm SWAMPED when I'm there cause I have 2 retards working there who don't know their ace from a hole in the ground. Luke says they must be 'Punking' us.....I'm waiting for Ashton to pop out...he hasn't I'm disappointed to be stuck with the losers. Even when Kivi passed out he gave us fair warning first! These guys are just brain dead.

But just to make him feel better....Kivi....you have to be good enough for Blockbuster if Lloyd can get a job at Gamestop, you can get a job at Blockbuster.....you don't even get drunk and high EVERY day. Although that could be a requirement for your new job, you may want to check in with that. And if you do get a jobby job at the blockbuster, will you hook up the discount action for Luke and I's movie rental night?

Ok ok I really do have work to do....I got a burlesque show to go to tonight and a birthday in one week from today to try and get people together for. Hasta.....If you want to send presents for the BDAY....email me I'll tell you where to send them :)

DON'T YOU DARE DAMN ME TIMBERKIVI! YOUR THE BITCH WHO LIKES TO CALL ME AT 2am IN A DRUNKEN STUPER ON NIGHTS I GOTTA GET UP FOR WORK AT 6AM!!! By the way who are these randoms yelling into my voice mail....don't they know who I am? :)

Oh my GOD! It's been forever since I wrote in this thing! I tell you though my days do go by faster now that I'm not even sure what day it is half the time. I only have about 10 minutes right now, but I thought I'd update ya to let everyone know I'm still alive.

Beth got promoted at the Olive Garden. She's now management. And I'm SO proud of her. Next thing you know she'll be married with kids and I'll be Aunt Dawn all over again. Damn it Beth stop your making me feel old with all the growing up responsibility stuff. We're supposed to be still clubbing! (ok maybe not) but still! I'm going to end up the cat lady at this rate :)

Anyway....I'm out of time for the bitch session....I have too much stuff to do. My life is a mess right now so sorry if you think I'm ignoring ya...I'm not.

Much love for the peeps!

Welcome back KIVI. www.timberkivi.blogspot.com NOW YOU HAVE TO UPDATE TOO.

CONGRATS TO MY BETH AGAIN ON ALL HER HARD WORK PAYING OFF!!!!! LOVE YOU!

OK! Who misses me!! Cause I miss having time to write! Grrr....work sucks sometimes. Especially when you break out in hives on a Friday and then come into a mess on Monday.....BOO!

Ahahahahahahah! More stuff at 5:15! I'll write again soon....promise!

I had a very relaxing Sunday if that makes everyone feel better for me :)

Just so Luke doesn't keep yellin' at me about updating my blog....here goes....

First of all I heard from Kivi (in a prank phone call for collections to my work today)....his friends flipped a car and ended up unharmed so it had him thinking that's all. He's OK FOLKS!! Thank goodness.

Ok, so as I promised I'll let you all know why Valentines Day sucks. First it sucks when your alone. That goes WITH OUT saying. It sucks cause everyone is cutesy cutesy.....there's love crap EVERYWHERE you look....for no apparent reason ex's start crawling out of the woodwork to try and 'get back together' when it was stupid you even got together in the first place....everyone at work is getting deliveries and your desk lies empty...BLAH BLAH BLAH...those are obvious reasons Valentines is a crappy holiday. It big o' reminder you ALONE!

My theory on things though it that it also sucks when your with someone too. Why you ask? Well I'll be more than happy to tell you :)

I think people to TOO much hoopla around the whole thing! Girls say they don't want anything (but they do)...Guys have the pressure of obligation on them. They end up getting some stupid gifts for each other when in actuality they don't even want to. Basically here's the jist of it. If you can't get something for your significant other on Tuesday cause it's Tuesday and you feel OBLIGATED to do it on Valentines....your in the wrong relationship. Why in the heck do I want some guy to send me flowers (that die) and candy (that adds ten pounds to my hips I've been trying to loose since New Years) or some card you don't even REALLY know what it says but you picked it anyway because you just assumed I'd like it.

I would on ANY occasion have someone send me flowers to work on Thursday cause they thought it would brighten my day, rather than feel like they HAVE to get me something or I'll be mad. That's STUPID! I don't want someone walking on pins and needles stressing over what to get me or what I might say or if I'll like it. I'd rather have someone walking through the mall, department store, or cripes even the DRUGSTORE and think....huh I know Dawn would really like that...I'm going to get it for her. Gifts mean so much more from the heart than they do from the wallet. Remember that! Anyway, I'm leaving work in like 20 min. I gotta work! This was WAY quicker explanation than I wanted it to be but, at least no one can yell I didn't update! *cough*Luke*cough* Sorry ... seems I must have a frog in my throat. Later and Happy Valentines anyway! :)

By the way, I got a strange IM from Kivi over the weekend, I think something is up with him that I'm not aware of. It was really nice and sweet, but I'm not sure why he felt the need to send it. So Franquey if your reading, give this chicka a call sometime....she worries about you :)

On Friday night I got to see some people I haven't seen in forever. I've know Jeremy and Jason since I was 13 y/o, but since we've all grown up I haven't gotten a chance to hang with them in a while.

I got to meet my best friend Jeremy's new fiance. Considering the fact that I literally HATED his ex wife, I was pleasantly surprised that I love his new fiance. I'm SO glad he's happy and he found a great chick to be with. Funny how sometimes my personality can be over barring to people I just met. I tried to tune it down for her, but she was the one dragging me on stage to dance so NICE! I LOVED that!

So the weird thing was while I was with Jeremy and Jason my friends for the last 13 years, a guy at the bar tapped me on the shoulder and proceed to ask me if my name was Dawn. Well, yes.....then I took a good look at him and it turns out it was Mike, my neighbor when I was growing up. Now I've known that kid since I was like 3. Ironic that your with old friends you haven't seen in years and you run into someone you haven't seen in even longer! It was pretty cool though I have to admit. I hope Mike does get ahold of me, it would be cool to hang with him again.

Well that night I pulled a hamstring trying to catch Stacy when she fell, I ended up falling in the splits for the most part. HURTS!!!! But it's getting better, tried to run today, but I ended up just walking since my leg was still quite sore. Other than that it's been my normal BUSY day at NA. (that's North American not Narcotic Anonymous!) Sorry it's so short, but later in the week I'll write about Valentines and why it's such a crappy holiday, with or without a sweetie.

Huh, you would think since I haven't written in a few days I'd have some brilliant revelation to tell you.....but I don't, no big huge news....BORING DAWN!!!!

Oh, I got to meet my Starbucks boyfriend! That's news! Explanation for those of you who are a little in the dark....I work at a company that distributes all the paper products/cleaning supplies for Starbucks. Well, in the last few months this one guy from Starbucks just happened to get me every time he called to order. It started us chatting, and chatting, and chatting.....next thing you know, he came up to Bennigan's to meet me.

Ok, can you say pressure. You chat with a guy every week have NO clue what he looks like, he show up to your place of business that you look the worst at....but all was good. Gals he definitely was not a disappointment :)

He could only stay for a few, and he was off, but it was a good meeting none the less. He asked me what I was doing tonight......I'm still considering......

That's my news folks, sorry it's not that big! Love ya :)

So I have a new obsession....it's a stupid purse.

http://www.sephora.com/browse/product.jhtml?id=P60001

Yep, that's my new obsession. I won't buy it cause it's not worth $45 dollars for a purse I might use a few times....but I am obsessed with taking about this purse. Look how cute it is! It's a mini corset, what's not to love! Ok, ok.....I'll be dropping the subject now since I've been talking about the damn purse for 2 days now. I'm crazy, but when I see something that cute I have to talk about it until I get it out of my system. I figure if I tell everyone I know who reads this thing....then it's out.

Beth you can't tell me this purse isn't TOO cute!

Ok this time I'm REALLY done......

Kivi says I didn't update today, so I'm updating just to spite Kivi.

Go check out the photo section, Kivi signed my guestbook there.....

There, updated!

So today at work I had a revelation that my friend Luke would LOVE to work here at my office for one reason and one reason only. We talk in codes.

Now by codes I don't mean we have a secret language, I just mean we shorten everything we can. So does Luke. Luke shortens names like SJP (Sarah Jessica Parker) or food items such as the BBP (Brownie Bottom Pie). He'll even take everyday words and shorten them like the usue (is that even how you spell it?) instead of usual. Well here at work I came to the realization we speak Luke.

I was requesting a POD (Proof of delivery) online when Todd came to deliver RGA (Return good authorizations) while I was getting a request for an ETA (estimated time of arrival) on my voice mail. Oh MY GOD I thought to myself. I've turned into Luke and his abbreviated words. (not like it's just me this is common speak in the office)

I don't know why it took this long to hit me, especially since it makes me laugh so hard when Luke and Matty P shorten words like crazy, but now that it has I can't help but to giggle a little when I have to request a POD. TeeHee.

My god has it been busy around here. I know I know I'm a slaker and haven't written, but what the heck can you do when there's always calls coming in and salemen at your desk. Makes it hard to write don't it!

The only person I know who reads this everyday anyway is Luke so I must be REALLY letting him down. And for that Luke I'm sorry, I love ya and I'll make up for it soon I promise.

I'm taking the day off work tomorrow to do laundry and clean my house cause it's freaking me out that I haven't gotten anything done what so ever. So Friday I'll take some time to write...hopefully

OH MY GOD I AM SO BUSY AT WORK!!!

I'm going crazy from the amount of "busyness" I've been going through for the last 3 days. I'm either going to cry or drop dead, one of the two.

BAH! And I still have the rest of the night at Bennigans!

I'm a loser I keep forgetting to write. I did get a mini type promotion with no extra money today. I get more responsibility, so that's good.

But until I get a free moment ... ponder this ...

Why exactly do they call them blow jobs when you don't do anything of the sort?

Drive up teller machines with Braille? Ummm...why are the blind DRIVING!?

What is the deal with the Gen Y generation not counting oral as sex....if it has the word sex directly in it...you can factor it in the sex category.

Later peeps

I wonder about people sometimes.

Actually I wonder about people A LOT! I wonder why they treat people the way they do and think they can get away with it. For instance I'm a waitress at night. For some reason some people think this job sets you in a category next to pond scum so therefore they can treat you like the you really don't exist. I do my best to give you good service.

Here's some advice for you people who obviously don't eat out often.

1. When I say ONE coupon per table, it doesn't mean you can get separate checks and count it as another table. It actually mean you have to sit and ANOTHER table. Were not trying to scam you, so don't keep trying to scam us.

2. I don't cook the food I serve it. I understand if something is not to your liking and if you would like me to fix it I'd be more than happy too, if and only if you ask me to in a pleasant manner. Freaking out on me is not going to make me very happy and in turn won't make you very happy. I guarantee that.

3. I will continue to check up on your table, it's part of my job, I don't mind. But DON'T, I repeat, DON'T interrupt me when I'm speaking to another table because you need more dressing. IT'S RUDE! Not only to me because I'm speaking to someone else, but to the table I'm serving. How would you like it if it was done to you....DOUBT YOU WOULD!

4. Going along with that....if I ask you if you need anything else, please ask me for everything at once. Not send me for napkins, I come back, send me for dressing, I come back, send me for a refill on your soda.....etc...etc. It's annoying not to mention takes time away from serving other people. If I ask you if you need a refill and you say no, don't ask me for one 5 minutes later. Let me refill your drink then when I have time. Not 5 minutes from now when I'm trying to take a table of 8's order.

5. Speaking of large parties.....CALL A RESTAURANT before you and the fam show up. If there's more than 6 people, you should always call a restaurant and let them know your coming. It's only fair, that way we can have a table waiting for you, you don't have to give the host attitude because we can't accommodate you at that moment, and everyone ends up happy in the long run. Side note with those parties, don't make me stand there if you all aren't ready to order. Just because YOUR ready doesn't mean everyone else is. When the place if full I don't have time to stand at your table staring at 2 people while they try and decide if they want the Monte or the Ruben. IF your not ready, I'll come back, I don't mind. I do mind standing there like an idiot staring at you while you try and make up your mind.

6. This actually goes along with both of my jobs. DON'T tell me how to do my job! I've been waiting tables for almost 11 years, I'm pretty good at it. There's nothing worse than a table telling me how to wait a table. I should tell them what's in the salad cause they didn't know it came with bacon even though it states it CLEARLY on the menu. I should bring ranch and blue cheese with their wings cause not everyone likes blue cheese. (or as my day job goes...they don't need a customer # to order, they never have before....well no one can order with out an account so YES you DO!) I'm not a mind reader, I don't know what you like. And frankly if your that picky and need every modification in the world....EAT AT HOME. Unless you've lived in a hole the last 10 years your aware of the Ecoli virus, I can't cook your burger rare...SORRY....Bennigan's the corporation won't chance it. So don't tell me I can just go back in the kitchen and tell the cook to cook it less. Trust me Jose will tell me NO and laugh at me cause I know better.

and finally (for now) 7. If you go to a restaurant and you see it closes at 11 and you show up at 10:45....DON'T GO IN! It's ridiculous (or ask those of us at the Bennigans say ricockulous) The kitchen gets pissed they have to dirty the kitchen they just clean, I'm pissed cause I have to sit there for another hour while you take you sweet time to eat an pay. If you see a place is closing within minutes....don't torture the place by going in an having a casual dinner. Quick to go...maybe, but sitting there for an hour after the doors are locked and chairs are up NOT COOL. Most of us have day jobs that we would like to get some sleep for before I have to go to it!

Ok, ranting over....I feel better educating you all a little....back to work for me.

So have you ever done something you know is wrong, but you just can't help doing it? Maybe it's the whole excitement value of it, maybe it's the thrill of getting caught doing something naughty. I don't know what it is about it, but it's just such a rush you don't know how to stop the down hill spiral once it's started.

Now I'm not getting into detail about it so don't ask...I like to keep people guessing, besides, I'm not positive I'm going to do ANYTHING yet. It's just up in the air, and that up in the air stuff can be pretty interesting in itself. (NO I'm NOT having an affair even if everyone in my office thinks so.)

I can just see Luke and Kivi busting their buttons trying to figure it all out. Well, maybe someday I'll tell you, but for right now I'm just semi writing about it to get it out of my own head. I'm come to realize although my life is quite boring I do some weird things to make it interesting at times.....

Not much to update ya'll on today. I discussed with Holly about living with her for a few months in her one bedroom until we can get a larger place in Oct when her lease is up. She thinks it's a pretty good idea, so it may just work for us. We'll see how things go as the time gets closer.

My roomie is continually making my life frustrating. But what else is new. Now she's started eating the meals I pre-pack for myself. Now how slow do you have to be to realize they are packed in individual little containers for a reason! DUH! Soon I will be rid of her, then she's Roger's problem. I started looking into movers, and GEEZ are they expensive. Anyone know some nice strong guys willing to help me move from my 3rd floor apartment in June?

Well, check ya later.....

So I work out everyday before I eat lunch. Nothing TOO great but I do a mile then some easy lifting to cool down. Everyday it's been getting easier and easier....Hopefully soon I'll start seeing some results! :)

Between my new diet and my workouts I can tell you I do feel a lot better. It relieves a lot of tension for me I can tell you that. And since at the age of 26 I have slightly high blood pressure...tension relief is a GOOD thing. It's mostly because I work 2 pretty high stress jobs. But I'm doing what I can to improve it.

My pops is comin' to visit me at the Bennigans tonight. I haven't seen my family since Christmas so this is a good thing. I'm going to talk to him some about me POSSIBLY moving into his place while I'm homeless for 4 months thanks to the roomie movin' out earlier than originally planned. They MAY go for it, they MAY not. It's still a debate. I don't really want to since my parents are in Wisconsin and the commute to work will be horrendous....but what can you do. And it's only from June 1st till Oct 1st right! It'll save me some $$ too then I'll be able to afford my security deposit and such without a problem.

Of course I'll have to pay mom and pops rent to live there, but nothing like an ACTUAL apartment. Plus my mom cooks. I'll be able to help my mom out too without wanting to kill somebody like my roommate. Let's just cross our fingers and hope it works out. Maybe maybe maybe.

I'll be talkin' to Holly tonight too about moving. Just to make sure that's still what she wants to do otherwise I'll be looking for my own place.....that'll set me back! Alright....hasta for now. I got lots of work to do.

I think I may be officially homeless for 4 months from June 1st to Oct 1st. My plan was to move with Holly (and Luke) in October. Well since my roommate just sprung the big news about her wanting to leave in April. I'm stumped as to what to do.

I can get her to pay the rent till June 1st. When our non-existent lease is up. But from June to Oct when Holly's lease is up. I'm in limbo!! I tried to discuss with the rents about me living there for a few till Holly's lease is up...but so far they're still considering it. (Layman's terms for they really don't want me back even for the 4 months!) I offered to pay and I think that helped so I'm crossing my fingers I'm not sleepin' from couch to couch when June comes.

You wouldn't believe how stress of a living situation can put on a gal! I'm ready to cry and put my fist through a wall at the same time. OH AND I found out that there's a rumor going around about me having an affair with a married guy at work. He's not even rich so way would I be.....kidding.....I have morals but I guess the people here don't care. Well, raspberries to them!!!

Later peeps....

So a new week has begun! I really hate Mondays for the only reason that it seems every stupid person in the WORLD call here on Mondays. Some of them even get confused when you ask them where they are calling from. I didn't think that was a HARD question. But I suppose it is to much to ask someone what the name of the company they work for is.

So I had a pretty good weekend. All and all...good, except for my 'roomie' incident. Saturday I went to the jewelry show...that would have been WAY more fun if I actually had money to spend. But I did get to look at a lot of really nice stuff so it was fun. I dropped my friends off and went to nap for a bit. When I got up my roomie decided to inform me she's moving out in April instead of October. That's a full SIX months before I actually expected her to. So bottom line, I'm stressin' about the whole roommate thing right now. I did go out with Holly and Luke that night, so it calmed me down and made me forget my troubles for the moment.

Sunday I spent most of the day cleaning and cooking. I happen to be known as a huge pack rat. I keep everything....it's about time that stopped. Especially as much as I've been moving the last 3 years. I cleaned out a lot of old notes, Christmas/Birthday cards and such. I kept on to some of it. But I took 4 HUGE boxes down to 2 moderately sized ones so I'm pretty proud of that....

The cooking you ask? Well, I'm trying to change my eating habits into healthier ones. Since I work all the time, it's hard to cook everyday. So I made preprep meals and snacks for myself. Grilled up some tasty chicken on my G. Foreman grill (did I mention I love this thing!). I cut up some veggies and such and now I have 5 days worth of fruit, chicken for my salad, cottage cheese, veggies and salad fixins! I'm so proud of myself! I never actually thought about doing that until my dietian suggested it. It seems like I would have thought of it before, but sometimes I'm not all that swift. It's worked out well for me so far...lets see if I can stick with it.

My cold got the best of me yesterday so I stayed home. I know, I know....you missed me. But you will be happy to know I got ONE blood test results back and they were ALL GOOD! YEAH!

I go to the doc tomorrow new diet! YEAH SKINNY DAWN. Ok, I'm not a cow....but it'll be good to be in shape again. I did go to the grocery yesterday while home sick and got lots of healthy food. I made a keen observation though, why is it the healthier stuff is for you the more expensive it is. I can buy mirco burritos for like $.60...but I have to pay like $2.29 a lb for tomatoes that look half bad....doesn't make sense. They want our country to be more healthily but the only thing that's cheap is MC'D's....BOO on our economy for makin us fat!

I hate going to the doctor. I hate it because I don't ever remember a time I've gone to the doc and they haven't told me something NEW is wrong with me.

This time I had to give up a lot of blood to be tested. Turns out my fatigue could be something pretty serious. Let me break it down for you. My doc seems to think my one kidney that works isn't filtering enough junk out of me and basically I may be getting in laymans terms 'dirty blood' flowing through my veins making me feel mighty tired most of the time. That's what happens when your body is fighting off bacteria most of the time....it makes you tired.

Hopefully when the tests come back they say that this isn't true and I'm just low on iron or something....otherwise I'm going to have to look for a donor. But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Don't worry guys I'll be fine. This isn't the first time I've gone through this and I'm sure it won't be the last. I'm just not looking forward to dialysis if I have to get it. That sucks. But I want to move on from those thoughts though.....

Ok, happy thoughts. Good news is I'm going to see a dietitian on Saturday. I'm pretty pumped about it. I think it's going to be good for me to start eating better instead of grabbing potato soup on the go. I looking forward to getting back into shape believe it or not! What will you people do with me when I'm hot AND thin! HAHAHAHAHA.

So by the way Luke I don't work on Saturday. We still making plans? Just wondering.....

I disappointed Luke by not writing on the 2nd, I was busy putting my finances in order so I can finally wipe away some of this credit card debt. I'm so close, yet so FAR away. I need to stop spending money. But when your down and out and NEVER home it's easy to spend money without even realizing it......

So I started working out today. I'm starting slow and working my way up to it, but I walked 2miles uphill on the treadmill at lunch. I felt a little jello-like when I got off...but that's expected I suppose. Especially on artificial walking ground. I feel good about myself for actually doing something I said I was going to do. Now I just have to keep it up and I'll be fine. :) But, since my doctor told me to start taking care of myself or I'm going to regret it early in life....I think I'll be pretty dedicated to keeping it up.

Anyway, my new year is starting out well. No major catastrophes to report. Although I do have to figure out a way for me to separate myself from some of the life sucking people I started hanging with last year. It's easier to say your going to do it that ACTUALLY doing it. All and all they are fun to hang with....but they aren't good for my self-respect, esteem, or karma. But I'm a firm believer in what goes around comes around so....I have to do it in a way that feeling won't be damaged. Sometimes I think I purposely make my life this complicated.....

You know if you know anyone that won the lottery or came into a lot of money somehow lately....can you ask them if they could let me have $20,000? If that's asking for too much I'll take $10,000. I just want to pay this stuff off and start fresh again. No more crappy roommate I can't stand....no more credit card debt (now I know better)....no more stress of how I'm going to scrape together my car payment and still go and chill with my friends without looking like a cheapsake.....Oh well, the new year WILL be better I hope....check back I'll keep you posted on my debt relief. It is currently about <---this is an estimation $8400.00

I hope Luke is glad I updated.....I have a doctor appt tomorrow so I'll be in late to work so I may not have time tomorrow...but I'll try. No Promises.