So I haven't updated in a long time. I've had a lot going on, most of which I won't get into. I have way to much on my plate right now and I'm not sure if I'm going to go insane from it all or just break down and cry hysterically. Why is it I like to get myself in the most ridiculous (or ricockulous as Luke/Matt/and Erik would say) situations. I suppose it's because I like to beat myself up in the long run.

So basically for those of you who don't know (which by now I don't know how you don't) I fell in love, shocker I know, ME of all people actually falling in love. Except just like every other relationship I've EVER had there's a problem. He's British....(that's not the problem)...he's married. By married I mean married to stay in the country and get his citizenship, not married made a lifetime commitment to this women because he loved her. Now I know it goes against EVERYTHING I stand for and everything I've ever preached about when my caddy girlfriends were flirting around with married men with power. This man has NOTHING so it's not like I'm going after anything....he works hard for everything he has, provides for his wife...and her daughter (NOT HIS)....he has two kids back in England he still takes care of....and best of all....he loves me with all of his heart. It's hard to believe, but if you met him and talked to him for more than 5 min....you would know too. I've come very close to walking out of this crazy situation a million times. The whole relationship makes me sick to my stomach, the lies, the sneaking around, the once a cheater always a cheater thoughts in my mind. This whole thing makes me want to tear my hair out on a daily basis. But then when I'm with him all of that doesn't seem to matter cause I know how much he cares for me and I've never felt anyone care about me like that before. Now I'm sure your thinking how in the world did it even start if you knew he was married, LONG story if you want to know that one you'll have to call or email me. It wasn't like I woke up one day and decided to be with him....it was much more complicated than that...and has spanned over the last year before anything happened between us..... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ok, ok, ok, had to get it all out. Now my friends and family reading this think I'm insane cause no one has ever known me to act like this or be so weak in a situation..... but I guess they were right when they said love makes you do strange things!

By the way, Timberkivi hasn't updated his blog, but he has a jobby job now for any of you who were wondering. He works with my Brit, I got him a job with him here at North American. So he can't complain anymore. Besides he's doing so much real work now, he's shedding some pounds....of course it's because he walks into the building and starts instantly sweating, but hey it's the shedding of pound none the less!

I gotta go, I'm sure I'll get EMAILS on this blog so I'll talk to you all later. By the way Luke, I miss hanging with you. Are you mad at me? I understand if it's with this whole situation, but I still love ya your my favorite! No one could ever replace you!