UPDATE!!

UPDATE: 12/6/08

So I started all of this lifestyle change stuff on 11/22/08. Let me tell you it's one of the hardest things I've ever done. I got REALLY emotional about it.

I know it sounds really silly, but eating every 3 hours and writing everything I ate down was a real challenge for me. It just made me feel really guilty about everything I ate and on top of it...make me sick to my stomach because I had this constant feeling that I was eating too much.

With the help of my friends (thanks Jimmy) it helped me realize I wasn't doing anything wrong. Imagine the 2 take out meals a day, even if it's "less food" its way more calories and fat. I know I know it's basic but I honestly need someone to tell me the basics sometimes to check me back into reality. It helped.

So week two was a lot easier. I am prepared with fruit, veggies, legumes, protein and even my vast array of multi-vitamins and medical meals. I have drank so much water its unbelievable how much more time I spend in the bathroom. I cut my coffee down to one cup a day...I had a half a cup of Jon Anderson’s coffee yesterday and got so hyper I almost ran in circles for an hour.

It's amazing how awake and alert I feel in one week. I have a cold, but feel NOTHING like I felt last year when I had one..It’s like a minor inconvenience not a train wreck like it has been in the past. Finding time for the gym has been harder to fit in, but I do what I can when I can. I'm taking a more relaxed approach to it. If I fall off the wagon, I don't feel as guilty and I just know I can pick up again the next day, or even the next meal.

Week 2 made me pretty proud of myself. Even more proud when I went in for my check up...even though I seem to be losing in my lean body mass...which isn't unusual in your first 2 weeks, I lost 9 pounds! NINE POUNDS. I can't tell you how thrilled I was that even though I struggled so much in that first week (and ate a whole pizza) I lost nine pounds.

What I'm doing is working, and that makes me feel really good. I'll keep you posted as it goes on ... right now .. the 40 oz of water I drank, and the 20 oz coffee, is desperately making me run for the nearest washroom.

Leave of Absence

All,

Ok, so here's the deal since my Facebook status sparked a furry of questions.

As of Friday I will be sort of M.I.A for the next 12 weeks. I will not be in hiding, I will not be in a hole (no one's giving me lotion in a basket), I'm not joining a cult (I don't like Kool-Aid that much) but I have decided to make some serious changes in my life.

I decided I do not want to be on my anxiety meds forever. Believe it or not someday I'd like to have the opportunity to start a family. With my health history, I would NOT be able to do that now or if I continue on this path. No, there's no one in my life (shocker) & NO I'M NOT PREGNANT.

In order for me to stop the anxiety attacks, and possibly start sleeping like a normal person someday I have to make some sacrifices and really make an effort to change my lifestyle. Some of you may get like this in 10 years, but I don't have 10 years to figure it all out. By then I'll be a diabetic, or have serious heart disease or worse. I know I don't tend to 'share' all my problems with all or any of you, but this is something that is really important that I have to do for me.

As of Friday I start a 12 week therapeutic lifestyle program called Firstline Therapy. Basically it's individualized program for me based on blood tests, medical history and time management. It is something my doctor is strongly encouraging me to do and really feels that it will help me get off the meds and on a better path. With any kind of medical or non medical life change, this won't happen overnight, but to simplify it's a program that will help me change my unhealthy habits and forms of behavior.

I desperately need to develop a way to get some 'mental clarity'. As much as I truly love all of you, my main problem is I forget about myself. I worry or take care of everyone else before myself, and lets face it, when I need the help...I don't or won't ask for it. This last year has been extremely difficult for me. Financially I'm destroyed, emotionally I'm crippled, and physically I just can't seem to function properly anymore. I'm not happy, and I haven't been for a long time.

Please do not take any of this personally. I, of course, will ALWAYS be here for any and all of you. If you really need to talk and know I'll get it (Matt) ... I'm here. If you want to stop by and say hi (Katie)... you know where I live. If you just think of something that will make me laugh (Nikki) .. I would love to hear it. Or really need the house cleaned (Alex and Jon) before the health department condemn your place, let me know. But I can not fix your problems or make them my own anymore. 30 years of that have made my body and mind that of a 60 year old. I'm literally falling apart and if you want to keep the Dawn you know and I hope love, I will need every bit of encouragement as possible to keep me on the right track to make sure I don't have my first stroke at 37 like my father.

Trust me when I say this was a rough decision to make. Taking control of your life never is... Not to mention the rough road I'll be taking for the next 12 weeks. I will slip, I will probably fall right on my face a few times though it. I just hope at the end of it all, you'll all still be there and really encourage me to go in the right direction. ... my God I sound like I'm going into rehab!

I'm still 'Just Dawn', I'm still going to pop in to see you from time to time...you are all like family (or are family for that matter). I thrive on the social setting surrounded by those I love the most (all of you) ... it would be impossible for me not to speak with you all or disappear off the planet, you just won't see me as often. With the holidays coming anyway you'll barely even realize I'm gone :) Although if you want to buy me some wicked presents I'm all about it...

Ok, I'm done. If I have ALREADY made plans with you before I made this decision (Jon Anderson I will still try and get us in for Crystal Method, Jimmy I'm still coming to visit!) I will live up to my obligations to you. Otherwise, I hope you'll throw me an email, or a text, or even a phone call from time to time and say hi. (by the way, I somehow left my phone at home today)

Happy Holidays to all of you, I wish the best to you and your families. If I don't have your address I'll need it soon for Christmas cards! See you all sooner than later, or around Valentines day...

Love,

Dawn

I LOVE this new Kayne....

Everyone's been there at least once. Or I like to think I'm not the only one anyway.


I’m not loving you
Way I wanted to
What I had to do
Had to run from you
I’m in love with you
But the vibe is wrong
And that haunted me all the way home

So you never know
Never, never know
Never know enough
Til it’s over love
Til we lose control
System overload
Screamin no no no no no

I’m not lovin you
Way I wanted to
See I want to move
But can’t escape from you
So I keep it low
Keep a secret code
So everybody else don’t have to know

So keep your love locked down
Your love locked down
Keepin’ your love locked down
Your love locked down
Now keep your love locked down
Your love locked down
Now keep your love locked down
You lose

I’m not lovin’ you
Way I wanted to
I can’t keep my cool
So I keep it true
I got something to lose
So I gotta move
I can’t keep myself
And still keep you too

So I keep in mind
When I’m on my own
Somewhere far from home
In the danger zone
How many times did I tell you
‘fore it finally got through
You lose you lose

I’m not lovin’ you
Way I wanted to
See I had to go
See I had to move
No more wastin’ time
You can’t wait for life
Were just racin’ time
Where’s the finish line

I’m not lovin’ you
Way I wanted to
I’ve been no one new
I got no one new
No I said I’m through
But got love for you
But I’m not lovin’ you
Way I wanted to

Gotta keep it going
Keep the lovin’ going
Keep it on a role
Only god knows
If I’ll be with you
Baby I’m confused
You choose, you choose

I’m not lovin you
Way I wanted to
Where I want to go
I don’t need you
I’ve been down this road
Too many times before
I’m not lovin you
Way I wanted to

You lose
You lose
You lose
You lose

Who had a good weekend?

Go ahead guess?

Ok, ok, it was me. After running a fever from late Thursday into Friday I wasn't sure it was going to be all that great of a weekend, but it turned out perfect.

Saturday Erich came over with his daughter, who painted me a picture I'm now using as fridge art. She was too cute and so well behaved the whole day! Normally taking kids to the city can be one of two things. Totally scary and horrendous, or fun exciting and enlightening. It was defiantly the latter.

Iz pointed out things only a child would notice since lets face it we adults don't see the obvious anymore. She walked all over Michigan Ave and State Street. We went to Lego Land, the Disney store, the Sears Tower, and even to lunch. It was fun to catch up with Erich, get to know his daughter, and the weather was PERFECT that day.

By the time the day was over, we had one tired girl on our hands. I drove down Lake Shore Drive to show the sights and sounds of the lake shore like Navy Pier's Ferris wheel lit up at night. Erich and I ended up at Friday's across from my house with a little girl all curled up in the booth sleeping off the day. Really I couldn't have asked for a better day. My legs hurt the next day, but no pain no gain really :)

Sunday was another good day. I got to take my kiddies out. Kayleen needed a homecoming dress and who better to take her than Aunt Dawn. Since my brother and sister in law were at work, I got Zach and Emma too. Nothing like taking a 9 year old boy and a baby dress shopping let me tell you. I eliminated the outlet mall after 45 minutes of hooker dresses made of paper I think and shoved all the kids back into the car and sped off to Vernon to a REAL mall.

All I can say is ONE STORE!! That's it! 10 dresses max tried on and one she fell in love with. Honestly it fit her like a glove! Funny thing is she thought her dress was going to be like $150, NOT in my presence! The dress was marked from $80 to $39.00, and when we got to the register, it rang up for $25! HOLLA! With the necklace and earring she got she spent a total of $40.00, all she needs now is shoes and undies. I'm good at this. :)

Good thing too cause I was LOSING the 9 year old and 16 month old FAST. I treated Zach to a sundae at McDonalds for being so good on our way to my Aunts house for lunch. I gotta tell you though, after all that, by 430, I was DONE! My immune system isn't all back up to par and I ran like the dickens for 2 days straight!

Monday my trainer called me, guess what? He has the flu! It's going around I suppose. He asked if we could start on Monday the 6th instead, although I could feel free to get my butt to the gym myself. Well, yesterday I went and chopped all my hair off (ok not all of it but a good 6 inches) and went to look for a dress for the weddings I have the next few weekends. So...no gym for me. Tonight, I'm having dinner with Beccathena, well possible dinner. If not, I'm attempting the gym instead. I am still fighting this cold/flu thing I have so who knows how long I'll be there, but here's to hoping :)

GET EXCITED!!

Guess what starts for me again on Monday? No no...guess...it's BOOT CAMP TIME!!

This time not so 7 days a week since I have WAY too much going on in the month of October. Weddings, Becky coming into town, family days on Sundays it's just too complicated to commit to 7 days a week and get all my other things done. You know like laundry and cleaning the house....

My schedule will go like this...

Monday - 1 hour of pure hell (if not more since it's an early day at work an my buddy knows it)

Tuesday - 1/2 hour strength training (which if you know me you know I SUCK at doing unless someone makes me)

Wednesday - 1 hour cardio easily enough

Thursday - 1/2 hour strength training

Friday - 1 hour of pure hell (if not more since it's my day off)

I'll be taking Saturdays and Sundays off for the time being since I have work and weddings and Stan's 20th reunion coming up. Sundays are family days since my Aunt has been going downhill quickly since the cancer reached her lymphnoids ... sigh.

But what better time huh? It's not going to be easy at all, but I started this once I can end this now. I was doing really well until my friend moved to Cali and I cut my hand open. (Excuses, excuses) Well, he's back for 2 months for work, and he's willing to get me back into the swing of things if I'm willing to do the work.


Wish me luck. :)

So...where've I been?

I've always said one of these days I'm going to write a book since my life is a walking comedy tour from time to time, but last weekend I ACTUALLY started writing.

From what I hear it takes like 2 to 3 years to write a book so we'll just see what happens. We all know my writing is sporadic to say the least but I got through about five chapters on Sunday. Three of which I've already tweaked.

But here's the taste in case you were curious:



Every girl grows up with the same dream. Fall in love, get married, have kids. Somehow it's ingrained into us from day one with movies like Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty. Fall in love, get married, have kids.

What they forgot to mention in ALL of those fairy tales, the horrible, time consuming, emotional roller coaster that is called dating.

Some people are very lucky. They meet and date a few people in life before they fall blissfully in love. Fairy tale ending and all. Others, well, we're still trying. Kissing one frog after another in the scum filled dating pool.

Now I'm the self proclaimed queen of bad dating, and I can tell you where it all began.

Behind the woods of my house with a boy, Jimmy, that lived on the next block from me. I think I was in the second or third grade. Innocent, sweet, and quick as hell!

My first kiss.

I don't remember the moments that lead up to that kiss, or even the moments after, but I remember the kiss. The beginning of my life long career of liking and/or meeting the wrong men in life. Sure, we all have our stories. Bad dates, horrible boyfriends, the one that 'got away', but mine are doies.

Hilarious, funny, tragic, mortifying my dating life could be described as SO many things. Good on the other hand isn't one of them. I've met some wonderful people along the way, learned some lessons, had some real fun. When life hands you lemons, make lemonade right? But I never thought for a moment life would hand me 30 and single.

I figured if I had to go through this much bad there must be something really great at the end. There had to be! RIGHT?! It's in the plan, fall in love, get married, have kids! Didn't they know the plan?

I know, in 2008 being 30 and single isn't so surprising or unheard of. At least that's what they tell me anyway, but I'm beginning to think there's a list of quotes people get handed when you move into a certain age group you suddenly need something to tell your single friends.

"Stop looking, it always happens when you least expect it.", or "It'll happen for you one day."

My personal favorite, "You're such an independent women, men your age are just intimated by that. They'll come around someday."

Seriously, these are the most annoying things to say to a single girl. I'd much rather hear "If you lost 20 pounds, maybe you'd stand a chance." It would sting a lot less.

So my question is, after that first kiss, do you pick your path? Do you made a choice at that fork in the road that either leads you into the direction of a life of marriage, white picket fence and 2.5 kids or the direction of broken hearts, dirty sex, pints of ice cream and lots of empty bottles of wine?

So..what's going on?

Basically not much.

I had my 'day of doctors' the other day. First up every girls favorite yearly visit...The OGBYN. I love mine. I've been going there for 15 years pretty much and every time I go he makes me laugh so hard. Of course he always gives me the 'Dad lecture' about safe sex which is always fun but then there was this conversation:

Doctor: Ok, scoot down here a bit, well your cervix looks awesome.

Me: Did you just describe my cervix as 'awesome'?

Doctor: I believe I might have.

Me: I believe I'm going to have to put that on my resume.

Most would be put off by these things, I personally thought it was hilarious and felt the need to call Nikki when I left.

Then I went to my new PCP (primary care physician). It was my first time meeting him and I've been through a couple of doctors in the last few years TRYING to find one that will listen to me about my issues so I was a little sceptical. Alex goes to the same doc and seems to really like him so I gave it a shot.

I LOVED him. While I sat and went on and on about my problems with anxiety and sleep and blah blah blah, I actually started to cry. Surprisingly enough, then he did too! Not sobbing tears, but tears....I was shocked and slightly thrilled.

Why thrilled? Because it meant for the first time a doctor is ACTUALLY listening to me about my issues. Instead of handing me a number for a shrink he sat and talked to me about what we could do to fix it. Step by step, not all at once.

To be honest I'm a little scared....scared this is literally going to cost me a fortune I won't be able to afford and then the help will stop AGAIN before it even gets started. He gave me a script for sleep meds, and apparently I need more sun cause I have a vitamin D and K deficiency, but I can't afford to fill the script or get any vitamins till Wednesday when I get paid, so technically Thursday. I figure I don't go back in till a week from Friday so I suppose being a few days behind isn't so bad. We'll see....

On a happier note, I've decided to go running after work a few nights a week that I get off at a decent hours. There's an awesome park by me for it so I'm kinda killing 2 birds with one stone. Weight loss and vitamins (from the sun of course)





I also found out a friend of mine (Mike) is coming home from Iraq in August, WooT! (I also discovered I can chat with him online so that's been my laughter for this evening...Thanks Mike.)...com'n ladies he likes long walks on the beach AND spooning!!






Also my friend Eric is coming home from Iraq in October. From the looks of it, him and his wife might start trying for a family then! I'm thrilled! They will be such great parents.





My sister is due with Cody in Cali any minute now...ok 6 days, but it's her second, so I say any day now. Since Mike and Mer are the best parents I know they will do amazing with their family of soon to be 4 so I'm doing a little happy dance for them!(she will kill me for this pic though)





The little sis, Becky, will be coming in from the west coast too in October for a wedding. Guess who's going to be her date so I can spend some time with her? ME!! YIPPEE!!! I can hardly wait! At least at this wedding she can drink legally! :)

Other than that, life is a little boring. I'm working and living as much as possible, and for the most part, I can't ask for much more than the great friends and family I've got! Lucky girl I am...and Mike just named me the most beautiful girl on myspace **cough..LIAR..cough** but it's a title I'll gladly hold (since it was an awesome compliment) until someone tries to take it from me. Mike, I've been meaning to ask. Where's my crown and sash? Do we have to 'fight' again?

LOVE IT....

You know me I love controversy ... drama, no ... but anything against the 'norm' hell yes!

(really what is normal anyway? And who had the right to say it was?)

That's another WHOLE blog..

This one about the Katy Perry song 'I kissed a girl' I love that song, brings me back to my early 20's and bad girl times with Beth...the video was very Dita Von Teese to me too.

Then I found this remix today! By KhaK Black, he remixes his own shots in with the original video, and it's to say the least ... HOT!! Loves it.. NOT for those who don't like the song; or seeing hot women make out in lingerie.

I'm sharing!


By the way, I'm still not gay doesn't mean I don't know hot when I see it.

Did you think 1st?

There are SO many moments in a day when you actually want to say to people, "Really, did you THINK first before you said/did that?" This week there have been more than a few with my friends and I.

For Katie: The guy in the Mini Cooper that insists on sitting in your blind spot! Really? Your car is tiny enough, let's just make it invisible! And really what kind of a 'man' drives a car with the name 'mini' in the name of the vehicle?

For Josh: The people who insist you 'broke' something. Now I work in the dental field, you would be SHOCKED how many times people actually call us to say we cleaned their teeth 'wrong' because now they have a tooth ache. Yes, we, in fact, used the cavity inducing toothpaste made of pure sugar to make sure you would get a toothache within a week. You have found our dirty little secret, we needed the money...what were we to do? Or maybe it's the fact this is the first time you've been to the dentist in 2 years?! That couldn't be it, Nah...had to be us.

For Nikki: While at a dinner for chair people for a battered women's shelter, a women ACTUALLY said "I just want to teach them how to do their make-up". Yes, it's true, when a women is being beaten senseless, now homeless and with the possibility of losing her children she is sure to be thinking..."Damn if I only had some Maybelline". Now I know when my ex was beating me within an inch of my life all I would have been happy with just a little Bonnie Bell at that point.

For Alex: When you go to Wrigley as a fan of ANY other team, you know your going to get razzed on. It comes with the territory at ANY ball park. When you go to Wrigley during the cross town classic and are a Sox fan, be prepared to take some hard hits. Fact is, for 100 years we've had this rivalry ... it'll continue to happen for another 1000. If you go and expect people to be nice and sweet, you might has well have taken the short bus to the park. Fine, like who you want, I don't care, but did you REALLY think no one would give you the business for it? Stop crying, you're a moron.

To Cristina: When I say things like...'Damn this water isn't getting hot' DON'T look at me and say, "Which handle did you turn". I am 30 years old, I have, in fact, turned on a faucet at least once or twice before. Did you really think I was going to say something like 'You mean there's a difference? I thought I could just 'will' it hot'. DUH?!

For my apartment complex: Whomever the brain surgeon is that keeps setting the dumpsters on fire...Stop. It's not 'cool' or 'funny'. Eventually you or GOD FORBID someone else is going to get hurt. Like from that aerosol can that exploded in last nights fire. By the way, I don't appreciate the smell of hot burning trash in my house, followed by the smell of wet burnt garbage. If I find you, I'll hurt you...while pounding your head into the dumpster I'll continue to ask, did you THINK first?! Promise.

To my moronic 1st dates: When your friends call while were just starting a date, it is NOT ok to invite them along. Especially when they are cuter than you are. By the way I'm always going to win on this one. I will invite my friends, they will be inappropriate and I will scare you. As Katie says, you are now voted off the island.

To the clothing makers: First and foremost 'extra low-rise' is NOT necessary. Basically that just says to me, start at my crotch. Crack cleavage is NOT cute on any girl. I don't know a single man that says, there's my future wife over there, you know the one with her ass hanging out...yep, that skank in ALL mine. It also causes the greatest fad of all time...the 'muffin top'. Even uber skinny girls get it when they wear their pants too low. 'Low rise' I'll give you, no one wants to tuck their jeans into their bra. 'Mom Jeans' aren't cool. But really? Crack cleavage with your undies hanging out? Leave SOMETHING to the imagination please. With that though also comes the other side of things...if you want your jeans to sell don't put words like "Husky" on them...really, because women aren't a size 4 they need to be called 'Husky'? I don't think so. Think about it for just a moment.

Ahh, how I love people in general. When people don't think before they act, or say things. It happens to all of us once in a while. But the true morons actually believe what they're saying/doing. They don't even think after! For the love of humanity people if your reading this, please don't be one of these people. Personally I blame reality T.V. Tila Tequila has sucked the brain out of everyone possible. Now here, mud wrestle in pudding and eat bull penis to prove you love me.

I blog, you read...that's how this works.

I find the most insane things annoying in my life.

I can't stand a dirty bathroom, even though mine can use a serious cleaning right now, but really how can you feel clean in a dirty bathroom. But really when you walk into a public bathroom and it's disgusting ... I don't get it! Is this what you do to your bathroom at home? That WHY for the love of got would you do it here?! In public where people can catch you in the act?

I hate when people assume I know who they are because they've been to my bar/restaurant once. No lady I don't know your usual unless your usual is to annoy the hell out of me by asking for a usual.

People who assume they should get things for free. I just had 3 fillings at the dentist office, that's like what $50? Ummm..NO! But the doctor KNOWS me. Ok, but the doctor also has to feed his family and pay for the stupid huge house he just bought not to mention my paycheck. Pay me.

Stopping for gas. Now mind you, with gas prices, it's just even more annoying, but honestly, it's not even about that for me. It's about the ACT of stopping for gas. I HATE it with a passion. Pumping gas, whatever, I don't care. I just hate having to pull off my route and delay my final destination. You never need gas at a convenient time either, it's aways when your in a hurry, running late, or 10 miles from the nearest gas station. Ahhh...HATE it.

People who say 'what's up'. My smart ass answer, is always the ceiling. Seriously, it's not even proper English. Stop.

Camping. Seriously I don't see why pretending your homeless is fun! When someone asks me to 'go camping' I hear 'Want to sleep in a box under lower Wacker?' Uh NO! Trust me, I've TRIED camping. NOT enjoyable...not at all.

The term 'picked up'. Like as in I 'picked up' this chick in a bar. Every time I hear it, it infuriates me. Women are not beer from the liquor store, or inanimate objects to move. You didn't 'pick me up' otherwise you may have thrown out your back :) it's a horrid term. Retire it. I 'met' someone works just fine.

People who mis-use the words. If you don't know what a word means, please don't use it. You look like ridiculous trying.

The 'out do'er'. You know the type. The person that if you say something happened to you they have to one up you for whatever reason. Now I'm not talking about the person that says I can relate something similar happened to me...I'm talking about the moron that says, 'Yeah, you think that's bad...listen to this!' and then that thing turns out to be nothing comparatively speaking. Like the girl who was talking to my friend Nikki and I. Nikki's face is half metal, my jaw hasn't grown since I was 5 and I've had numerous procedures to get my 'adult' teeth to fit. NOT fun. This girl actually says..."I have TMJ, and when you have a boyfriend, that needs to be taken care of fast." First off let me explain that I work in a dental practice, EVERYONE has TMJ (temporomandibular joint), it's the joint that makes it possible for you to open and close your mouth. You have TMD, tempormandubular dysfunction or lock jaw. Second, you really believe because you can't give a blow job to your boyfriend is comparable to a broken face?! NEXT!

Men who bring the STUPID girls around me then claim they are the 'coolest chicks'. You're not fooling me. The extent of this bitches conversation the whole night was her hair, nails, make up, and where she got her purse/shoes/shirt. This girl gives amazing blow jobs, rides you like a porn star and/or let you do anal on the first date. She's socially retarded. I'm not dumb, I know you. You are an intelligent human being, I know you like to have conversations and I know your not having them with this MENSA candidate. Now just do her and move on because me getting stuck in a conversation with her, it's just annoying, and I don't get the 'pot of gold' at the end of the rainbow if you know what I mean.

People who feel the need to SLOW DOWN talking to you because you said 'excuse me' or 'what'. I'm not slow, I didn't ride the short bus, I'm perfectly intelligent, you just talked really fast or the phone cut out, or something caught my attention. It doesn't' mean you need to give me the dictionary explanation of every word that comes out of your mouth the second time. Don't talk to me like a small child and chances are I won't treat YOU like one.

I could go on, but I won't. I know everyone has things that annoy them...I'm sure I annoy the HELL out of people sometimes. To be honest the only reason I started writing this blog in the first place is in the back of the new 'People' magazine, there's a whole piece on 'The strangest place you 'picked up' a girl'. Thanks 'People' for making that term more acceptable. Then again, reading 'People' magazine isn't exactly pushing me right up there on the MENSA scale is it? :)

BOO!!!!

Look, I'm all about pushing limits and going against the flow. I'm all about making inappropriate jokes and saying anything politically incorrect. I can take what I dish out and am not offended by people easily. Seriously, some of the things that come out of my mouth I'm pretty sure I'm driving the bus straight to hell. (I'll have stripper poles, vodka, loud music...and all my friends) But this....this isn't even close to what I call funny.

This was being sold at a Republican State Convention along with some other 'proud American' pins.Seriously? Can we give Texas back? They're giving us a bad name.

I can't get the link to add from my BlackBerry, but if you click the title (of this post that is) it'll take you to the Dallas news.

FANTASTIC!!

I have a 'friend' on MySpace that blogs these fantasticly funny blogs that literally make me laugh out loud.

This was the first paragraph of Officail DYNASTY's blog yesterday:

I'll get 2 up there out of the way quickly and relatively painlessly. Ladies, I am sure most of you have white pants. Don't wear them, honestly, ever. It is worse than wearing glitter, having your lower back tattooed, and holding a sign that says "HJ: $5". White pants = instaslut. Don't ask me to elaborate, just take my advice and run with it. Not that the girl behind me in line at Target would have done much for herself without the white pants, she had raccoon eyes and a tongue ring to go with her extra makeup, but the white pants just screamed "you can have my pussy, just buy me a drink and pretend you want to call me tomorrow."

First I'd like to point out he said it not me, but I thought it! 2nd, I don't own or never would own white pants, nor do I have a lower back tattoo or wear glitter...so therefore...THIS is pretty much what races through my head every time I see ANY of this stuff, that or women who insist thier underwear is 'club gear'. Oh how I love that other people write it for me :)

Perma headache

So basically the world likes to crash down on my shoulders ever dang chance it gets.

I went out of town for a few days, what a disaster! Pops got the flu, everyone turned into Captain Cranky Pants and basically I just couldn't wait to be home and in my own house.

So I thought anyway...

My car broke down yesterday. Literally my brakes are pretty much done, and I have to drive to Wisconsin tonight to drop it off. I'm so frustrated, I don't even want to type about it anymore..

GAH!....

Blah...

I've been feeling pretty blah the last few weeks.

I know, I know....I cut my thumb, then my niece went into the hospital with some mystery illness ... then the dreaded stealing of my identity. I mean really who would feel great after all that?

But honestly, I've felt worse than normal. I don't 'share' very well unless I'm playing Doogie Hoser and typing away in my "journal". I tend to smile and laugh, make jokes, tell people I'm fine, when in reality inside I'm screaming bloody murder. I cry in private and smile in public, it's a vicious cycle.

I found comfort in food again, not smart I know, but it was better than the alternative of climbing to the roof of my building and jumping off. Any progress I made with boot camp has faded. Which again, does not make me feel great. But, I making an effort in other ways. I won't go into detail, but change will be good.

I have decided to turn this negative into the most postive thing I can. I'm going out of town for the long weekend, a nice relaxing weekend in Chippewa at my house in Wisconsin. I'm going to be lazy and make my parents take me to the movies to see Indiana Jones (because I'm a ten year old boy apparently). When I get home..that's where the project to change begins.

Part of it I've already began and I'll tell you about later, but know I'm definatly trying to buck up and get on the right 'train' for once. Deep breath and wish me luck! Till then I hope to bring you some more 'fun' writings :)

Just when you thought...am I the only one?

Now maybe 7 people ACTUALLY read my blog so it really doesn't get out to the masses, but I love it when I read an editoral in the Sun Times and it pretty much sums up everything I'm thinking. Thanks Sun Times for this, it made me happy :)

Politicians should take credit for all of their great ideas

May 20, 2008Recommend (5)

Thank you, Gov. Blagojevich, for open road tolling. We know you're the man to thank because we can't drive down a toll road without seeing a big blue sign that says: "Open Road Tolling. Rod R. Blagojevich, Governor."

So, thank you.

Even if each of those 32 signs cost state taxpayers $15,000.

Even if ordinary road signs cost just $200.

Even if the Illinois House is full of rude meanies who don't appreciate what you've done or know enough to say so.

We do. We say, thank you.

What we don't understand is why the House passed a bill last week that would ban you and other statewide elected officials from putting your names on signs for state projects.

We think politicians should put their names on more things, not fewer, so we always know just who to thank.

When we get our property tax bills in the mail, for instance, it would be nice to find a little note included: "This property tax increase brought to you by Mayor Daley."

And when we stop at a 7-Eleven, it would enormously thoughtful to see a sign such as this at the counter: "Hope you enjoy the sales tax increase! Cook County President Todd Stroger."

Again, just to know who to thank.

http://www.suntimes.com/news/commentary/959258,CST-EDT-edit20b.article

Things you should never tell or do in front of a women....

Reveal how much your car cost. I'll be honest. I REALLY don't care; it doesn't make you cool to have an expensive car, or if you got a huge deal on in, all I care about is if it's going to get me to dinner without breaking down or am I going to have to push it in my new dress...end of discussion


Clean your gun. Don't laugh, this has ACTUALLY happened to me, MORE than once. Now, I have a huge fear of guns on top if it, I don't care if it's taken apart or put together, it's just going to send me into instant panic attack. Unless you're dating a firearms expert, keep your guns put away.


Polish high school trophies (which you still have displayed). Personally, I'd like to go back into the past when I was skinny and display my Barbizon modeling certificate with pride, but let's start living in the future shall we?


Refer to your mother as your best friend. I love my parents too, but there are just something's you don't discuss with your parents, therefore they are NOT your best friend. They're your parents...there's a difference. If you are discussing last night's sexcapades with your mom, you need help. Get the phone book now and call a therapist.


Rap. STOP!!! PLEASE!! 'Nuff said.


Check out our assistant/roommate/the baby-sitter. I know there are girls out there that are hot, some of them I'll even point out if your lucky. But there in the distance or walking by or on TV, not the girl I work/live/or works for us. It's a little to close to home. Women can get territorial you know. All this makes me think is that your picturing her when we're having sex. Fine if you do it....I just really don't want to think or know about it.


Question our footwear. Only if you seriously WANT to get hurt will you ever question a woman's footwear. Even if we bitch about how much our feet hurt, I picked these beautiful creations to put on my feet because, well, LOOK at them they're fabulous! The only thing you should say about my shoes is, 'Damn, those look amazing!'


Blow-dry your hair. Men who 'manscape' are not manly.. at all. Especially men who 'blow dry'. You look pretty homosexual to tell you the truth and most of the gay men I know wouldn't blow dry. Stop, get a better haircut and STOP!


Tip less than 20 percent. Nothing says 'cheap bastard' like living the waitress/bartender 10%.


Celebrity impressions. I think this goes right along with the 'rapping'. No matter how good you think you are, you're not. We are not laughing with you, we are laughing directly at you and thinking...this man will never see me naked...ever!


Impressions of us. Unless for some reason you really want to get punched in the face, just shake his urge fast. You never know when we might be pre-mestral and actually throw you from a moving vehicle for such shenanigans.


Forget to carry cash. Annoying when you ask me out on a date, but I have to tip the valet, or pay for the parking, or worse... pay for dinner, because you couldn't take the 12 seconds to stop at the ATM and be prepared for the date. I'd rather you be 5 minutes late than look at me and ask for cash.


Flip it, flop it, swing it around, tug on it, adjust it, scratch it, or do anything that will remind us that it's just a goofy appendage and not a mystical source of pleasure and satisfaction. Honestly if you learned any kind of tact or manners growing up you should know better. Don't play with your balls in public. If you what to have 'man day' and you can all scratch your balls, adjust yourselves, and talk about you penis with each other, fine. The only time I want to know or think about your penis, is when it's about to satisfy me. Call me selfish, but it's true.


Wii. No man, no matter how cute, sexy or manly, looks cool playing Wii. You look like a moron, EVERYONE does! For that matter, leave the Guitar Hero at home too. You can't expect me to actually think...man what a rock star I can't wait to get in his pants, or God I've always wanted to do a baseball player/bowler. We're not fooled that easily my friend, really you just look like a moron with a controller/guitar jumping around acting the fool. This will never make woman swoon....unless she's into comic books and the Starship Enterprise.


Spit. Disgusting, nasty, gross, ewww....no matter how you say, it should never be done. I once had a guy try and spit past me, all he successfully did was spit on my feet..., and then I nearly vomited.


Scream—at the dog, at the guy who just stole your parking spot, at the TV. Because, no matter how much it deserves it when we hear you raise your voice, we have an idea of what we're in for. Short temper? You know I have one too, I AM a woman aren't I? Nevertheless, let's face it, no one likes to be yelled at, ever. When you loose it on the dog...or the valet, or the game...it just makes me think your going to talk to me like that. Or put me through wall...either way...it's not good


Talk about former exploits. Ever. I have former sexcapades as well...trust me if you don't want to hear the amazing blow job I gave to my ex; I don't want to hear about the acrobatic sex you had with yours.


Use the words bitch, slut, tramp, or whore, unless referring to another man. As a woman, I'm totally allowed to use these words, and do on a daily basis. You however, are not. Mainly because I'm pretty sure the minute we have a fight or something happens your going to be saying the same thing about me....and right now, while you're trying to sleep with me, I don't want that image.


Tell us you're going to kiss us. (Just get on with it!) There are few, rare, almost non- existent moments when this is sexy, or hot. Life is not the 'Notebook'... it's actually much hotter when you just plant one on us when we least expect it. Live in the moment, don't plot your every more, you might be pleasantly surprised what we're capable of :)

All better! ... well sort of

So I'm finally all healed up in the 'thumb' department. It is going to be a mighty interesting scar I tell you.

FYI, don't cut yourself open with a serrated knife, it leaves nasty scars. Ok, really to be honest, don't cut yourself period, it's just not fun.

But if me cutting my hand open (a $664.00 visit to the hospital by the way) and my 11 month old niece being in the hospital for a week with a UTI that spread to her kidneys thanks to a crappy hospital that mis-diagnosed it, if all of that wasn't enough on my plate....

...I had my identity stolen.

OH YES!! Everyones worst fear happened to me (because honestly why wouldn't it!). Last Tuesday I spent the day crying my eyes out and attempting to make sense of why my bank account had now been cleared out. It still doesn't make sense in my head yet.

There is SO much to do when you get your identity stolen .. SO much!! I'm taking the best I can with one call at a time one piece of paper at a time and one nerve racking conversation at a time. What else can I do really?! I'm kinda borderline, slitting my wrists and ok to tell you the truth.

I have awesome friends and family that keep asking if I need help....my biggest problem is I don't even know how to begin to ask for it. I have bills that are due on Thursday and no real bank account right now. Yes, I HAVE 2 bank accounts, but one hasn't given me my money in full back yet and the other is only 'opened' not more the $100 in it. It's like the horrible limbo I'm in that feels HORRIBLE, most of the people I've talked to have been REALLY nice about the whole 'situation' I'm in and are being pretty lenient with me. To be honest though, it doesn't make this problem any better. Where are those sugar daddies when you need them huh?

Needless to say, I will be back in the 'disappear' stage for the next few month. Which truly sucks cause it's summer, but I need to get on track and I can't spend any money. NONE, I don't even know how I'm going to go grocery shopping at this point, but I'll work it out. I always do, I land on my feet somehow every time, but I'm sick of the 'testing' to see if I will. Good news is sense I'm all healed up, I'm back at the gym as of tomorrow....YEAH. I've kinda missed it.

Hopefully by the next time I'm able to leave the house, I'll be skinny :)

Be warned it isn't pretty....

My hand still hurts, and my right arm is killing me from a tetnus shot, but I survived! Here's the out come:

My party was AMAZING!!

I thank all of my friends for coming and joining me on on mourning my 20's and making my party a success. Katie was an amazing party planner and Alex and James are amazing friends for my gift of Alan for the night! I love you all!

By the way, in case your just randomly reading this. Alan is an old friend that moved to Texas, Alex and James surprised me by flying him in just for the night.

All of my "Boys" Alex, Jonny, James, Stan Stan my favorite black man, Alan, and Jimmy

The loves of my life Alex and Beth

KATIE!! My wonderful party planner and I

In response part duex....

Ok....

Here's the deal. There were a LOT of thing said on this site both could be looked at as mean, hurtful and possibly bitter. All not true.

Anyone who knows me or who may or may not read this blog knows I am HIGHLY verbal and opinionated. BUT those of you who may not have seen or talked to me in a long time might take what I say as offensive and hurtful.

For that I'm truly and deeply sorry.

Honestly ... I just feel deeply and passionately for some things just like you might about others. I did have a strong reaction to the last comment on my blog about gay bashing....I decided in everyones best interest, it's really not worth posting.

Why you ask?

Because it then gets into this he said/she said of opinions.

That's what it all comes down to. Me trying to express my view, you with yours....

When it comes down to it, it's everything I've ever respected in a CONVERSATION!!!! You listening to my opinion without disrespecting it. Granted I could take a lot what is said as disrespect, but I don't ... and I won't.

That would be like me asking you to choose between me and a friend, or family member, or life partner..... I would never say that....

"Choose me or....."

"I'm better because...."

"You KNOW I'm right because...."

All totally irrelevant!

One thing I pride myself on is having a HUGE diverse group of friends. Best thing about my friends, they all don't agree on everything....but we all respect what we believe.

Josh, to you especially. I RESPECT everything that you believe. Doesn't mean I don't think some of it is unfounded, but I think you are entitled to your beliefs and opinion! Thank you so much for making my blog very interesting for the 1st time in years! :) I've never thought of you as anything other than an intelligent amazing human being ... and I would hope you felt the same...

and by the way....the email I sent to get other to review it...said nothing other than this is what a FRIEND though of what I posted....I just what you 'first' reaction. The only reason, is to make my anger and frustration subside....trust me it worked. I do understand, I don't agree, but understand.

Turning 30...

Or 29 repeated as I like to say!

What have I done today besides thank everyone for the best wishes ever?

Worked! Get Excited!

This is what 30 looks like after a full day in a packed dentists office! A little tired, I admit, but not bad for the big 30! Good genetics I assume ;)

And honsetly who ELSE has a 30 rack like this :) Thanks to Alex for THAT reminder! HA!

In response....

I’ve decided to take this one step at a time with my response to this comment. I’m not going to lie when I first read it, I was infuriated by it. I wasn’t even going to publish it as a comment on my blog, then I thought, that would just make me look ignorant, so I calmed down for a day or so and here’s what I did.

I sent it so as many diverse people as I could think of, asking for their opinions. From the UBER religious, to the moderate, to the non believer. From gay to straight, male to female, black, white, Hispanic, "mutt" if you will…to see what their initial reaction to it was. Specifically I told people humor was ok, but ignorance was out of the question. Honestly I got a lot of "I will not dignify this nonsense with a response." Which is funny to me cause I’m always all about saying something…but I digress.

I also wasn’t sure how I was going to keep my thoughts straight when attempting to reply since when you’re upset, you tend to go in several directions and not keep your thoughts straight. So I’m going for more of an editorial style. From here on out everything Josh said will be in italics, everything I'm responding will be in bold...hopefully it'll all be clear.

Here goes nothing:

Actually, Dawn, if people kept their mouths shut and actually DID keep it in their bedrooms, you wouldn't hear speeches like this. Seriously? You want to talk about people keeping it in their bedrooms? Just as many hetero people are guilty of PDA as homosexuals. I've never seen two gay people having sex in public and trust me I've been to a LOT of gay bars, I'm sure people have, but I'm not one of them. I have on numerous occasions seen heterosexual couples having sex in public from every where from Cubs game to a night club. Not to mention the oversexed TV, billboards, magazines, etc.....really...you want to talk about keeping it in the bedroom? Don't you get it that that is what the whole speech was about? Homosexuals shoving their agenda and what they do in their bedrooms down OUR throats? Do you see heterosexual parades? Agenda (def): A list or program of things to be done or considered. Is consideration really such a bad thing? I wish more people were a little considerate. Those parades you speak of, are to promote tolerance and equality, YES there is some flamboyance and promiscuous, I don't fully agree with all if the blatentness of it, but then again ... there are extremes with everything! ... Jewish people don't protest the Christmas parade, I'm not going to burn down the neighbors’ house for his excessive Christmas decorations or sue the store for playing Christmas music. I don't knock the Polish parade, or start comparing Mexicans to Islam when its Cinco de Mayo...it's all the same difference. People dressed trashy, walking down the street, holding hands, making out, etc? Are you talking about Taste of Chicago or Boy's town here? Really it describes both. Hell, that sentance describes the high school down the street, or the mall! Or how bout the "gay games", modeled after the Olympics? Ever looked into that? It's disgusting! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, personally I think pierced lips or facial hair is disgusting, but I'm not going to make government policy against it. Very distasteful (again in the eye of), orgies open public sexual behavior, etc. WHERE?! Did I miss it!!! I didn't see a single orgie! We're you there to see it happen, or just assuming a stereotype? It's like someone took the Olympics, as wonderful and amazing as it is, and turned it into this horrible disgusting thing! It's like they turned a Ruth's Chris filet mignon into a McDonald's cheeseburger Why not just compete in the regular Olympics?! Do they have a "no homosexuals" rule? Or was it the "no men in speedos making out on the track field" rule that did it. Hmm, yeah, that's probably what it was. I'm very sympathetic to that. I can never wait to get back into my bedroom either. Just gotta show the world how much I love being a hetero! This is actually my favorite line of this response to me. I mean REALLY have you seen a gay man run? Do we honestly want to see the humiliation of a lesbian beating the pants off the Russians in the javelin throw? And isn't bob sledding just kinda gay anyway? OF COURSE they don't have a "no homosexuals rule", I'm sure there ARE gay people in the Olympics, you just don't hear about it cause they keep it to themselves. Don't ask don't tell .. blah blah blah. They do have a no athletic ability rule of sorts you do have to qualify. That's like saying get rid the Special Olympics too cause they don't have a 'no cripple' rule. Do you know how many 'events' are modeled after the Olympics? I just competed in the 'beer Olympics' last year, and the 'bar Olympics' is one of my favorite Fridays competitions. Honestly.....it's just a word, meaning international multi-sport subdivided into summer and winter sporting events. And if you want to look at what's disgracing it, much like the MLB, it full of steroid and performance inhancer users , the athletes IN the Olympics are hurting the Olympics not the gay games.

The point is, nobody cares, or wants to hear what these people do in their bedroom, just like they don't want to hear what I do in mine! You are correct, but you do and get to talk/post about who YOU love and hold her hand in public you even posted you two kissing on the internet. Why isn't that considered inappropriate or disgusting? If you love someone you should be able to freely express it. APPROPRIATELY of course! If you don't want to see it, stop looking it up on 'Flicker'. And for anyone to say that it IS a healthy lifestyle, is obviously living under a rock. What lifestyle do you think is spreading and has spread aids faster than any other in this country?? HOLY CRAP!! Josh, you really need to get out from underneath that 1980 religious rock your under. This is actually the most uneducated mis-informed sentence I've ever seen! I will quote a friend here he wrote me in response to this: "There is a difference between sexuality and lifestyle. Sexuality is who you prefer to see naked. Lifestyle is the company you keep, music you listen to, clothes you wear, food you eat, etc. There is a difference between not liking something and thinking it is wrong. It’s okay not to like something. I don’t like watermelon jolly ranchers and country western music, but I don’t dare say something is wrong (which is the same as saying “I don’t agree with it”) I find it hard to believe that people intelligent enough to compose an email message on a computer are still ignorant enough to think they have the world figured out and can declare for all humanity what is wrong and right. Who gave them this right? A fairy tale god? A false sense of infallibility? Or are they just so smart they unlocked the mysteries of the universe before anybody else managed to?" - Jeff P. I agree with Jeff. You don't have to AGREE with homosexuality, but to say it as a whole is unhealthy? That's just ignorant and one sided.

There's a big difference in gay bashing, and not agreeing with the gay lifestyle. I obviously don't agree with it, and yes, it IS a lifestyle. Your opinion, but really why would someone CHOOSE to be killed, bashed, looked down upon, segregated against for their life time so they can have a 'life style'...that doesn't even make sense! Can you tell me why some men prefer blondes? Or really thin girls? Or why some women get turned on by rock hard abs? If I got to CHOOSE who I was attracted to I wouldn't have fallen in love with a loser who put my head through a car window. IF this is the case, I choose to be black and attracted to hippie men with beer guts and don't shower...get me to a tanning booth STAT! But just because I don't agree with it, doesn't mean that I don't love them just like I love anyone else. I have friends who are gay, and I love them and cherish their friendship the same as I do anyone else. Can you really say you love someone if you can't be tolerant and accepting of who they are? I think that's an oxymoron.

It's so unfair of you to throw someone who disagrees with something into a "hate group" of people who "gay bash". They are SOO different. I completely agree. Bash by def: to criticize another harshly accusatorially and threateningly. That speech was criticizing HARSHLY and ACCUSATORIALLY of the gay community. And to make a policy against gays is THREANING so by definition that is bashing. Ok, another quote: It is irreprehensible for her to make a speech about the "Dangers of Gays" and to try to push public POLICY against them!!!! (Remember Hitler and the Jews???) - Erich R. To tell someone they are wrong because they don't believe in what you do, or try and make public policy about is not a positive thing, for ANYONE gay or straight. I have my own opinions and reasons why I don't agree with it and why I believe it IS a lifestyle and a choice. But that is something we can discuss if you like. But I just had to stick up and speak up for the OTHER side of this argument. Aren't we excited that we live in a country where we can have opinions? But let’s remember opinions are NOT based on any kind of scientific fact. I don't think this is a very fair video, and it's as one-sided and offensive (it was a recording, of what she said, that's not really one sided, it more of her straight out opinon) to us non-gay bashers as it is to the gays who MADE the video! If you ARE gay, you better get out there and do your research and find out what lifestyle you're getting into! It's scary, and it's 10X as dangerous as a heterosexual lifestyle! Aids is growing faster than ever before! Here's where I HAVE done research. Of the 40 million people on Earth with AIDS most cases were contracted through heterosexual sex on the African Continent. Most of the new AIDS cases in the US are heterosexual women of color, most prostitutes and IV drug users. Now, I do not choose to live my life in a promiscuous way, but it doesn't mean that I'm one to judge someone who does. I'm also a recovering drug addict and know I put myself into danger A LOT when I choose to do them, is anyone telling me I'm worse than a terrorist? Hetero and Homo has nothing to do with the spread of AIDS. It's not possible for AIDS to spread faster because two women went to bed, or because a man ejaculated into another man. That's just stupidity! In the gay community sure it might be more possible to contract something, lets face it, their having more sex. Another quote, just cause I liked it: "Having sexual contact with a carrier (same sex or not) of the HIV virus is what gives you AIDS. It is true that many homosexuals are promiscuous, but that is an aspect of the lifestyle they lead, not their sexual orientation. If there was a minority community of heterosexuals that lived a similar lifestyle, I guarantee AIDS would spread just as quickly. It’s astonishing that people in 2008 actually think a virus can jump farther off a penis that it can a vagina." Jeff P. Honestly, that's probably why every gay person I know are such happy people, they're getting some more than the rest of us :) But I also know plenty of gay men and women that don't sleep around that choose to be in loving committed relationships with their partners and are hard working contributors to society. My little sister Becky (who I LOVE) works with disabled children and the deaf, she has the biggest heart of anyone I know, she also sports a mohawk and is a lesbian. My brother Rich (whom I LOVE as well), works for a charitable group helping to fund individuals and organization that will carry out projects and programs which better humanity, he went to Desert Strom with the Air Force, he's also a out and proud gay man. If that is a 'lifestyle' is something that we should shy away from, I'm afraid to find out where our society is going.


Don't go criticizing what I'm saying until you go out there and do your own research, because I have. For instance, google "why aids is spreading" or something along those lines. You'll find a few facts in almost every article. "aids is most common among gays and spreads fastest throughout the homosexual community" "drug use helps with the spread" and "unprotected sex helps spread it." But first and most critical, they always stress the homosexual lifestyle. I want you to know by FAR I am not trying to be critical but informative. You can find anything you want to support your opinion on the internet. I can find a site that will support a claim that molesting children is ok, or raping women, or even bulimia. It doesn't mean it's an informative educated or right for that matter. I understand your religious standings as well....remember we once went to the same church. But I also left that church when they wanted me to denounce my family because of who they were instead of embracing and loving them for who they were. If Christianity is supposed to be tolerant and loving, it shouldn't be so critical and guilt driven. I decided to live my life with faith. I do, say, and live my life making decisions and doing things that I won't regret. If I do hurt someone or myself, I forgive or ask for forgiveness and move on, but I don't regret...I LEARN. I believe in a higher power, but I believe it lives in my heart not in a book that has been interpreted a million times over the years. I don't believe in taking only certain 'excerpts' from a book and applying it and not living by others. Golden Rule really....do onto others as you would have them do onto you. Would you want someone to make a video that you’re terrorist and recruiting children because you’re a vegetarian? I highly doubt it. SO to the makers and the posters of that video...

I'M LISTENING TOO! (us individual lovers). Believe it or not, you can love a person even if you disagree with their lifestyle! At least some of us can.

In conclusion, I really just want to express that opinions are JUST THAT, opinions. I'm not right or wrong, neither are you. I had a lot of people, gay straight married religious (even a priest.) tell me that you sounded fearful of the gay community, I don't want to make the assumption you are based on one post. I also don't want to include the intolerance of the people who told me to tell you to go to hell....it's not right and it's just as pig headed of an argument as that video was making. I want you to understand and respect my opinion as much as I understand as respect yours. I don't like all gay people, nor do I like all straight people. But I also don't like all Jews, or Christians. Or black, whites, or Hispanics... or all men or all women....I like the people I meet for the people they are.

Words like this politicians just spread hatred and intolerance of people. Saying 'GAYS' as a group did this is like saying all black men are rap artists or gang bangers, or all Jews are rich and cheap....stereotyping is bashing. Our forefathers came to this country to get away from religion and politics. Please keep your religious beliefs out of my politics, think of what's productive for the country, not looking at what's wrong and finding a scapegoat. I could go on and on about that, but I'd be here all night.

I want you to know, it was about 50/50 with the people I showed the post to. Some of them embraced the lifestyle, some are very against it, but all of them agree in tolerance of people. I’m never going to agree with everything another person is saying…EVER, nor am I going to agree with how everyone lives their lives. I will agree to disagree, but I won’t agree to spread hated of any group. That's all I'm trying to promote...with a little humor and sarcasm of course.

Gay Bashing...

There's nothing that infuriates me more than gay bashing. When some random IDOIT on the street does it I just roll my eyes at his stupidity. But when views like THIS somehow make it into our legislature, it ANGERS me. Homosexuality is not a disease to be cured! Why don't you spend your time thinking about these countries REAL problems instead of what they do in their bedrooms that doesn’t hurt anyone? Peoples sexuality doesn't destroy nations, this kind of thinking does.

Moments with the fam....

Today is my niece Kayleen's SWEET 16. Yes, this makes me feel old, but I love her more everyday because she thinks I'm crazy...

....it's cause I am :)

This is my nephew Logan, I don't know what makes me happier. The cowboy hat, the pants around his ankles, or the fact he doesn't seem to have a care about either and continues putting letters on the fridge.

This is my pops. There are not many men in my life that totally get me....this one does, completely and still loves me for it :) He makes me smile....cause he's just as 'special' as I am.

Why do I love my friends?

In the last 2 days I've gotten the following text messages that just make me SO happy people think of me in these moments enough to share.

I'm in love with the voice in the elevator and the way it says lobby.

Choices Choices Hmmmm....regular gasoline or premium gasoline? Tsk Tsk thats it I quit...Too hard for me

I was u on stage last night basically having sex to a justin timberlake song! HA! (In my defense this has never happened)

What's up love New Orleans is UBER dangerous to my liver! My co-worker got sick last night and still continued to walk down Bourbon.

I just saw an Amish midget! I love this hospital.

(and my personal favorite) OR you could just have a quickie sex change in Mexico

Babysitting the last 72 hours has made me decide to come home and get my tubes tied.

Roomservice ok or would you like me to cater in?

I demand Zima and I demand it now

I think it's pretty clear...my friends are twisted and messed up. Then again, so am I so I like them that way.

I'll never forget....

I wrote this a while ago, and thought I'd post it to share with Facebook, since I got a jolt of emotion with this photo. And since Facebook doesn't have a blog, I'll direct your attention here :)

It's a wonderful Valentine I got from Randy Pratt forever ago.

July 22, 2006 - Saturday

Lost.....but found I found the most amazing, heart wrenching, tear jerking, wonderful gift today.

Something I got a LONG time ago from someone very special to me and has always held a place in my heart.

Years ago, I lost contact with this friend, but he never left my heart. About a year ago I got the worst email I've ever gotten in my life. This man that made such an impact on my life at one point in time, had taken his own life.

I never did find out why, hell I never even found out where the funeral was. I just know I cried more than I had cried in a long time and even though this friend and I hadn't talked in years, I had a void in my soul now that he was gone.

Randy was an amazing soul, for those of us who were fortunate enough to meet and let Randy in our lives, we are better more amazing people because of it.

The gift I found today.....a wonderful Valentine's Day card he hand made for me with this note inside.....

Dawn,I've written this card about four times and still can't get it right. Everything I try to express my love with words, they sound empty. It's hard to verbalize pure emotion. Instead, I've decided to put my promise to you in writing.

I will always love you. If you need or want anything, a friend, protection, a shoulder to cry on, a hug, money, food, shelter, an escape, or just someone to talk to, I will be here to give that to you. No matter what, you will always have my heart.You are the nicest, most beautiful, and caring friend a person could ask for and I am honored that you let me into your life, even though I don't deserve someone as good as you.

Dawn, I love you.

Happy February 14th

Randy.

.....all I have to say to that is, if all of this was true Randy .... I would be describing you, not the other way around.I hope your soul is free now, and your at peace. Someday I'll be there to join you to tell you what I should have told you over and over since I got this card, how much I love you too.

Quote of the day...

Let me set you up first. I wear a radiation badge at work due to the fact that I work in a dental office that takes Xrays several times a day....while playing with the ID badge my co-worker says....

Co-worker: So do you think being exposed to all this radiation will prevent us from having kids someday?

Me: I'm pretty sure my sex life is what's preventing me from having children so I'm ok with the radiation at this point.

A little something

So I know everyone and their brother is commenting on this whole Health Ledger death thing, but I wanted to throw a little something out there.

I myself am looking at this in a whole different light than most. I myself have been struggling with insomnia and sleep deprivation for as long as I can remember. It's called restless mind syndrome and it's a living hell. When you finally get the chance to lie down and relax, your brain won't shut off. There's no rhyme or reason as to why, it just doesn't. My brain work more and longer in a night than it does in a full work day.

There's no switch to through, or special meditation, or magic pill to take, it just something you have to learn to live with. Since I've had it for so long, I myself have learned to cope. I did have some pretty scary instances, even a hospital stay due to my NEED to sleep. I even took too many sleep meds myself before. NOT because I wanted to die, just because I wanted my brain to shut off for a few hours so I could get some much needed rest.

Have you ever not gotten enough sleep at night and wandered around in a sort of 'fog' of caffeine and grogginess the next day. Do you think you make clear and rational decisions in that state? Well image spending EVERYDAY in that state for month or in my case YEARS on end. It's a challenge to get through everyday, well now it's a lot better than it used to be mostly because I'm learning how to get through the days and nights better. Some nights are good, I don't wake up every 20 minutes, I sleep more than 2 hours. Some are worse, I stay awake for 24 to 48 hours at a time wishing for my body just to give out and let me get just 10 minutes. It's a guessing game though. I never know what it's going to be like. It's my own personal hell, and that's probably why I have so much self loathing, too much self reflection.

Regardless, I consider myself lucky. Lucky I know what my problem is, and how to have learned self control. Heath Ledger wasn't so lucky, in his state of mind, he thought taking a mix of prescription drugs and OTC sleep meds would be helpful to him. I don't think for a second he wanted to leave his daughter and this world at such a young age with nothing but the world at his feet. My heart goes out to his family and friends, and especially that little girl of his. Hopefully this is a wake up call for all those people who suffer like I do. Don't try and solve your problems with 'magic pills' it just won't work, there's no such thing. Learn to live life the best you can with your disease, trust me it's the only thing that you can do.

Starting new for 2008

For me 2007 could not have ended fast enough.

From day one of this year it's been all down hill. NYE was the day after my best friends wedding and after driving for what seemed like 10 hours, I was home long enough to change my clothes eat a quick as hell dinner and out the door again to go out with friends that wouldn't take no for an answer.

It was fun for the most part....a bit of drama but nothing too big. And then the year got off to it's shitty start.

I had been unhappy at my job for a while by the new year, but I really didn't see me doing anything about it. Really, how and when would I find time to find a new job, and lord knows I can't be without one. For me it just kept getting worse and worse. I started to feel more worthless in my daily life.

Let's face it, I don't have a husband, boyfriend, kids or much of a life so my job means everything to me. I define myself by what I do everyday, and everyday I was slipping into a deeper and deeper depression brought on by a corporation that didn't deserve my dedication. By July, I decided to take control of my life again, little did I know, I was going to spin myself into a downward spiral of depression, self loathing and chaos.

So far in 2007 I had a total of FIVE jobs! North American, Santa's Best, TMP, Power Plate, and Northfield Labs. That's more jobs in 5 months than I've had in 10 years. I thought I was depressed and self loathing before, after all that I couldn't even begin to tell you how much I just wanted to jump off a bridge.

So when I got the position at Northfield Labs, I knew it was temporary, but I also knew I really needed to start 2008 on a better foot than I did 2007. I made the mistake of living off my credit cards for the months that I was on and off work. Not the smartest thing I've ever done, but at the moment I had no choice, or at least I didn't feel like I did. I hid a lot of my problems from my family and friends, I already felt like a loser, I didn't need anyone else to SHARE it with me. Well when I started at Northfield I though the least I could do is to try and head in a better direction....so I took some steps.

First of all I admitted I was in over my head. Sound silly? Well, it's an important step to take. It's like admitting your and alcoholic...you just have to get over that denial your putting on yourself.

Next, I figured out HOW much debt I was in, and then did a LOT of research and found a credit counseling service that helped me consolidate my debt.

Last, I found a new full time job. Northfield ended their temp position with me 2 months sooner than they told me. So the day before Christmas weekend, I was jobless again. I spent the next 5 days sitting on my computer sending out my resume to about 60 places. It was, to say the least, tiring! But it paid off. I had a few great interviews and was offered two positions. One was for a software company being a sales assistant, the other an office manager for a dental practice. While one offered me a considerable amount of money more than the other, I decided to go with the dental practice.

Why you may ask? Well, money doesn't make the world go round....at least I don't think it does. As much as I could use some right now, I took a few jobs this year with the promise of more money ... and look where it got me. Plus, I left a large corporation because I didn't like the way I was treated, I figure in this small practice, I can be treated like an individual and appreciated for my ability. 5 years from now I could be in a position to help him open a larger practice and I'm pretty happy to be in the place that I am. The money isn't so bad that I couldn't survive...so why sacrifice happiness for cash? I decided against it. I've been there a week and so far so good. I'm pretty content.

Now, that was my 'job life' of 2007 as for the rest of my life? Well, it's pretty uneventful. I had a few dates before the new year, some good, some god awful horrible. *note to future dates, please don't do stupid things like talk about my rack, invite me to 'spend the night' because you feel I've had too many (aka 3 drinks in 5 hours), point out my flaws, or order dinner for me....it's not good...not good at all.* I was feeling a little bad about my situation so I don't think my heart was all into the dating thing when I attempted to per sue it. The good dates ended up being very cool guys, but I just wasn't all there for them...so pretty much I'm still really bad at dating.

I did get into touch with some old friends...and I'm thankful for it. Very thankful. My friends have been the little bit of joy and happiness in my life lately. They are there when the jobs, my self esteem and the money isn't, thank god.

So more than ever I was glad I got to end 2007 and begin 2008 with a new job, a few new/old friends, and the building back of my self esteem. Who knows, by the next new year, I could be a whole new woman....

doubt it :)