Thursday, June 19, 2008

I blog, you read...that's how this works.

I find the most insane things annoying in my life.

I can't stand a dirty bathroom, even though mine can use a serious cleaning right now, but really how can you feel clean in a dirty bathroom. But really when you walk into a public bathroom and it's disgusting ... I don't get it! Is this what you do to your bathroom at home? That WHY for the love of got would you do it here?! In public where people can catch you in the act?

I hate when people assume I know who they are because they've been to my bar/restaurant once. No lady I don't know your usual unless your usual is to annoy the hell out of me by asking for a usual.

People who assume they should get things for free. I just had 3 fillings at the dentist office, that's like what $50? Ummm..NO! But the doctor KNOWS me. Ok, but the doctor also has to feed his family and pay for the stupid huge house he just bought not to mention my paycheck. Pay me.

Stopping for gas. Now mind you, with gas prices, it's just even more annoying, but honestly, it's not even about that for me. It's about the ACT of stopping for gas. I HATE it with a passion. Pumping gas, whatever, I don't care. I just hate having to pull off my route and delay my final destination. You never need gas at a convenient time either, it's aways when your in a hurry, running late, or 10 miles from the nearest gas station. Ahhh...HATE it.

People who say 'what's up'. My smart ass answer, is always the ceiling. Seriously, it's not even proper English. Stop.

Camping. Seriously I don't see why pretending your homeless is fun! When someone asks me to 'go camping' I hear 'Want to sleep in a box under lower Wacker?' Uh NO! Trust me, I've TRIED camping. NOT enjoyable...not at all.

The term 'picked up'. Like as in I 'picked up' this chick in a bar. Every time I hear it, it infuriates me. Women are not beer from the liquor store, or inanimate objects to move. You didn't 'pick me up' otherwise you may have thrown out your back :) it's a horrid term. Retire it. I 'met' someone works just fine.

People who mis-use the words. If you don't know what a word means, please don't use it. You look like ridiculous trying.

The 'out do'er'. You know the type. The person that if you say something happened to you they have to one up you for whatever reason. Now I'm not talking about the person that says I can relate something similar happened to me...I'm talking about the moron that says, 'Yeah, you think that's bad...listen to this!' and then that thing turns out to be nothing comparatively speaking. Like the girl who was talking to my friend Nikki and I. Nikki's face is half metal, my jaw hasn't grown since I was 5 and I've had numerous procedures to get my 'adult' teeth to fit. NOT fun. This girl actually says..."I have TMJ, and when you have a boyfriend, that needs to be taken care of fast." First off let me explain that I work in a dental practice, EVERYONE has TMJ (temporomandibular joint), it's the joint that makes it possible for you to open and close your mouth. You have TMD, tempormandubular dysfunction or lock jaw. Second, you really believe because you can't give a blow job to your boyfriend is comparable to a broken face?! NEXT!

Men who bring the STUPID girls around me then claim they are the 'coolest chicks'. You're not fooling me. The extent of this bitches conversation the whole night was her hair, nails, make up, and where she got her purse/shoes/shirt. This girl gives amazing blow jobs, rides you like a porn star and/or let you do anal on the first date. She's socially retarded. I'm not dumb, I know you. You are an intelligent human being, I know you like to have conversations and I know your not having them with this MENSA candidate. Now just do her and move on because me getting stuck in a conversation with her, it's just annoying, and I don't get the 'pot of gold' at the end of the rainbow if you know what I mean.

People who feel the need to SLOW DOWN talking to you because you said 'excuse me' or 'what'. I'm not slow, I didn't ride the short bus, I'm perfectly intelligent, you just talked really fast or the phone cut out, or something caught my attention. It doesn't' mean you need to give me the dictionary explanation of every word that comes out of your mouth the second time. Don't talk to me like a small child and chances are I won't treat YOU like one.

I could go on, but I won't. I know everyone has things that annoy them...I'm sure I annoy the HELL out of people sometimes. To be honest the only reason I started writing this blog in the first place is in the back of the new 'People' magazine, there's a whole piece on 'The strangest place you 'picked up' a girl'. Thanks 'People' for making that term more acceptable. Then again, reading 'People' magazine isn't exactly pushing me right up there on the MENSA scale is it? :)

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