Did you think 1st?

There are SO many moments in a day when you actually want to say to people, "Really, did you THINK first before you said/did that?" This week there have been more than a few with my friends and I.

For Katie: The guy in the Mini Cooper that insists on sitting in your blind spot! Really? Your car is tiny enough, let's just make it invisible! And really what kind of a 'man' drives a car with the name 'mini' in the name of the vehicle?

For Josh: The people who insist you 'broke' something. Now I work in the dental field, you would be SHOCKED how many times people actually call us to say we cleaned their teeth 'wrong' because now they have a tooth ache. Yes, we, in fact, used the cavity inducing toothpaste made of pure sugar to make sure you would get a toothache within a week. You have found our dirty little secret, we needed the money...what were we to do? Or maybe it's the fact this is the first time you've been to the dentist in 2 years?! That couldn't be it, Nah...had to be us.

For Nikki: While at a dinner for chair people for a battered women's shelter, a women ACTUALLY said "I just want to teach them how to do their make-up". Yes, it's true, when a women is being beaten senseless, now homeless and with the possibility of losing her children she is sure to be thinking..."Damn if I only had some Maybelline". Now I know when my ex was beating me within an inch of my life all I would have been happy with just a little Bonnie Bell at that point.

For Alex: When you go to Wrigley as a fan of ANY other team, you know your going to get razzed on. It comes with the territory at ANY ball park. When you go to Wrigley during the cross town classic and are a Sox fan, be prepared to take some hard hits. Fact is, for 100 years we've had this rivalry ... it'll continue to happen for another 1000. If you go and expect people to be nice and sweet, you might has well have taken the short bus to the park. Fine, like who you want, I don't care, but did you REALLY think no one would give you the business for it? Stop crying, you're a moron.

To Cristina: When I say things like...'Damn this water isn't getting hot' DON'T look at me and say, "Which handle did you turn". I am 30 years old, I have, in fact, turned on a faucet at least once or twice before. Did you really think I was going to say something like 'You mean there's a difference? I thought I could just 'will' it hot'. DUH?!

For my apartment complex: Whomever the brain surgeon is that keeps setting the dumpsters on fire...Stop. It's not 'cool' or 'funny'. Eventually you or GOD FORBID someone else is going to get hurt. Like from that aerosol can that exploded in last nights fire. By the way, I don't appreciate the smell of hot burning trash in my house, followed by the smell of wet burnt garbage. If I find you, I'll hurt you...while pounding your head into the dumpster I'll continue to ask, did you THINK first?! Promise.

To my moronic 1st dates: When your friends call while were just starting a date, it is NOT ok to invite them along. Especially when they are cuter than you are. By the way I'm always going to win on this one. I will invite my friends, they will be inappropriate and I will scare you. As Katie says, you are now voted off the island.

To the clothing makers: First and foremost 'extra low-rise' is NOT necessary. Basically that just says to me, start at my crotch. Crack cleavage is NOT cute on any girl. I don't know a single man that says, there's my future wife over there, you know the one with her ass hanging out...yep, that skank in ALL mine. It also causes the greatest fad of all time...the 'muffin top'. Even uber skinny girls get it when they wear their pants too low. 'Low rise' I'll give you, no one wants to tuck their jeans into their bra. 'Mom Jeans' aren't cool. But really? Crack cleavage with your undies hanging out? Leave SOMETHING to the imagination please. With that though also comes the other side of things...if you want your jeans to sell don't put words like "Husky" on them...really, because women aren't a size 4 they need to be called 'Husky'? I don't think so. Think about it for just a moment.

Ahh, how I love people in general. When people don't think before they act, or say things. It happens to all of us once in a while. But the true morons actually believe what they're saying/doing. They don't even think after! For the love of humanity people if your reading this, please don't be one of these people. Personally I blame reality T.V. Tila Tequila has sucked the brain out of everyone possible. Now here, mud wrestle in pudding and eat bull penis to prove you love me.