So...where've I been?

I've always said one of these days I'm going to write a book since my life is a walking comedy tour from time to time, but last weekend I ACTUALLY started writing.

From what I hear it takes like 2 to 3 years to write a book so we'll just see what happens. We all know my writing is sporadic to say the least but I got through about five chapters on Sunday. Three of which I've already tweaked.

But here's the taste in case you were curious:



Every girl grows up with the same dream. Fall in love, get married, have kids. Somehow it's ingrained into us from day one with movies like Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty. Fall in love, get married, have kids.

What they forgot to mention in ALL of those fairy tales, the horrible, time consuming, emotional roller coaster that is called dating.

Some people are very lucky. They meet and date a few people in life before they fall blissfully in love. Fairy tale ending and all. Others, well, we're still trying. Kissing one frog after another in the scum filled dating pool.

Now I'm the self proclaimed queen of bad dating, and I can tell you where it all began.

Behind the woods of my house with a boy, Jimmy, that lived on the next block from me. I think I was in the second or third grade. Innocent, sweet, and quick as hell!

My first kiss.

I don't remember the moments that lead up to that kiss, or even the moments after, but I remember the kiss. The beginning of my life long career of liking and/or meeting the wrong men in life. Sure, we all have our stories. Bad dates, horrible boyfriends, the one that 'got away', but mine are doies.

Hilarious, funny, tragic, mortifying my dating life could be described as SO many things. Good on the other hand isn't one of them. I've met some wonderful people along the way, learned some lessons, had some real fun. When life hands you lemons, make lemonade right? But I never thought for a moment life would hand me 30 and single.

I figured if I had to go through this much bad there must be something really great at the end. There had to be! RIGHT?! It's in the plan, fall in love, get married, have kids! Didn't they know the plan?

I know, in 2008 being 30 and single isn't so surprising or unheard of. At least that's what they tell me anyway, but I'm beginning to think there's a list of quotes people get handed when you move into a certain age group you suddenly need something to tell your single friends.

"Stop looking, it always happens when you least expect it.", or "It'll happen for you one day."

My personal favorite, "You're such an independent women, men your age are just intimated by that. They'll come around someday."

Seriously, these are the most annoying things to say to a single girl. I'd much rather hear "If you lost 20 pounds, maybe you'd stand a chance." It would sting a lot less.

So my question is, after that first kiss, do you pick your path? Do you made a choice at that fork in the road that either leads you into the direction of a life of marriage, white picket fence and 2.5 kids or the direction of broken hearts, dirty sex, pints of ice cream and lots of empty bottles of wine?