You miss me?

Yeah...I know you did.

I know I've only been gone for 3 days, but hell when you don't have a computer at home and your computer at work is gay...then you only get an every other day postage.

Live with it.

So now Kivi is sick...he's got whatever the hell Dayne has. Which is just great considering that means I'm probably going to end up being sick as hell. No Kivi I still don't want to make out with you.....ewww....

I have come to the conclusion that I am sick of Dayne treating me like the gum on his shoe when I'm only trying to help and be civil and nice. Screw you. I won't try and help anymore. If you want to talk to me you know where I am. I'm not expressing concern for you anymore. It just gets me upset when you proceed to talk to me like I was a total stranger. I'm done. I've got news for you buddy. I have no interest in getting back together or being with you...I was just trying to be your friend. I'm aware you don't have a lot of them...so I was just trying to be there for you. Try having some consideration for people that care about you...it helps.

I'm done....

Sunday when Tony comes home from Vegas were having a cookin' party...ok it's just me and him...but when you have no life, that's a party. The new Family Guy is starting and Kivi will probably be over to watch if he gets home from Fond du Lac in time.

Schools out and I'm going to beat up Gemma now....

Am I bad or what?

I can't help myself....I walk into computer lab 3 days a week and each and everytime I have have to come straight here and blog.

I think it's an addiction. Then again I do have an addictive personality. I have come to figure out that's why it takes me a while to get over things. Like Dayne for instance. It's an addiction.

Just an update for you since I haven't said anything about it for a while. I'm getting over him pretty quickly as of late. I found out some MORE lies he told me thoughout our relationship. Although he'll tell me it's not true and what not or give me the you can't help who you like type thing...I think it's more of a you can't make up your mind what the hell you want type thing. Men, can't live with them can't kill them.

On a good note my best friend Eric just got transferred from Cali to St Louis! I'm so excited he's so close. I've missed him terribly. He's the male version of me...except cockier....but I love him to death and I'm glad he's home (or close to it.)

I'm also excited about being in school. I just gotta figure out a better time to go to bed so I'm not so tired by 3pm. I'm losing it by the end of the day. Yesterday I even fell asleep on the couch 5 minutes after walking in the door. That was SUPPOSED to be study time for my test today. WHOOPS.

So needless to say my life is one big traffic jam ... to much stuff too little time. I have the weekend free....just because TFK is leaving me for friends in Whitewater, what will I do with myself. Probably make that phone call to Jimmy and ask him to lunch like I've been meaning to do for months. Or Jules may come down too. Which ever I'll keep myself occupied somehow.

TFK....this one's for you!

I decided to post while in class once again because my poor TFK is having blog withdrawals.

Good news is Tony got my notebook up and running. YAY! Bad news is it's still at his house AND I can't afford to have my internet hooked up yet. But hopefullly by next month I'll be ok enough to hook up my shite.

Unless one of you out there in computer land wants to help me pay for it. **Stop laughing Fatty**

So I spent my whole day cleaning and cooking yesterday. Real domestic of me huh?! I baked for Pete, and for some odd reason I got a wild hair up my arse and decided to make sauce from strach. Why one would do this when their cooking for one I have no idea. I tried to invite Holly over, but she was going out with Andy...or as I like to call it...setting herself up. I then remembered Tony was supposed to come over and keep me company for the day. So I called...he was just waking up at 5pm. I told him to come over cause I made enough food for at least two. He seemed to enjoy it. It turned out well. TFK did ditch me for the day to pick up dog poo...but he's coming with to do laundry tonight, so I'll forgive him. And besides he came over for the night to keep me and Tony entertained. Even if he did eat Subway instead of my home cooked food. (kidding TFK...you know I love you.)

So I'm offically stupid...I came to class this morning. Half way here I realized I forgot my clothes for my day job. I blame it on Monday and the fact I get up way too early. I did remember the 10 loaves of banana bread for Pete in the cafe. But I'm pretty sure the Millers would be pissed if I wore my scrubs & lab coat all day. Although comfy...not exactly "North American" appropite attire.

So my 'naughty nurse' self must start actually 'listening'.....

Guess what?!

Ok people, guess where I am. It isn't at work since Blogger doesn't work there. I'm in class.

School....yes I'm using school time to update and let you know, my blogger is blocked at work from now on. I'm working at getting a notebook from Tony if he ever gets his butt in gear and gives it to me. I'll be around.... soon. I promise. Right now I'm just trying to get used to getting up at 3am....Damn the man ;)

Gotta go!

Class must begin.....

Good Morning to you too....

Why is it whenever I feel good in the morning someone has to kill that experience for me.

This morning I was approached in the parking lot. First thing this morning I have people asking me question on what happened between Dayne and I. I avoid the entire conversation and just say, well he likes someone else and I can't change that. Of course the whole time I staring right at his truck in the parking lot with his bike in the back....with the new tires I bought him for Christmas I'm sure.

Stop with the questions! I don't know what happened....I know it's over that's all I know. I know my heart is still tender about the whole situation so your not making it any better. My old roommate Jess even emailed me and asked when she was going to be invited to our wedding....GAH! I'm spent with this whole situation.

I just wish I could talk to him...just sit down and have a conversation. I told Heather the other night that I wasn't sure if I missed the relationship as much as I just missed HIM. He was my best friend. Heather pointed out to me I do defend him (and her) a lot. And maybe I should just let the chips fall where they may. Maybe I should stop defending his actions....and maybe I should because I can't explain why he does what he does.....but like I said, he was my lover and my best friend and the lover I can give up ....it's the friend part I can't let go of.

I have the weekend off...I have lots of plans with old friends and current ones. Maybe I'll get a little pick me up this weekend. I did have fun last weekend with Heather and Kivi at the Wolves game. It was a blast playing the 'how crazy can you act to get on the jumbotron' game. Well, here's my deep breath to start the day. Only 1 more day after today, and the weekend will begin for me.

Huh....

Haven't heard this song in a WHILE....heard it this morning...thought to myself... Funny I know that feeling :)

"My Happy Ending"

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

[Chorus:]
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

[Chorus]

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

Sleepy girl!

Ok, I'm at work ... but really my brain is back home...peacefully dreaming.

So I went home last night after enrolling in school, waited for the Fat Kid and went to do my laundry at the Laundromat....since my dryers at the complex SUCK. It was quick and painless...we then came home and watched a little TV and I kicked Fattie out.

As I'm starting to drift off since I was WIPED out yesterday....the Nextel starts beeping.

It's Dan. He's drunk and at The Ram. He's been drinking since the Cubs game and continued through the Illini game. Needless to say...he's wasted. Now friends drove him there, and they were planning on driving him home but since they were a little toasty too and driving to Des Plaines didn't sound like a good idea, he asked if I minded if he stay by me.

No problem...I made it clear to him I was TIRED though and I'd unlock the door for him, to just come in and go to bed. I don't know why I was trying to make ANYTHING clear to the very drunk, because it just doesn't happen.

I spent the next 2 hours trying to get him to go to sleep instead of kissing/groping me. Finally I just got him to start talking (boys talk alot when they're drunk I've discovered)....and I fell asleep while he was talking. BUT, then his phone alarm went off at 4:45 in the morning!!! Now I told him I'd take him home...I didn't say it would be on HIS time table.

Now since he was awake at 4:45....the groping starts all over again. IT'S 5AM PEOPLE! I'm sorry but NO. 5am when I go to bed at 9. Not 5am when you keep me up till 1. I finally just got up at 6am since there was NO point in staying in bed, Dan wasn't going to let me sleep. I got ready for work....while Dan laid around in bed. Then too him home to Des Plaines. I walk into North American at....7:22am. Mind you I don't need to be here till 8:30am. Damn I'm tired.

My day will now be full of caffeine....lots of caffeine!

One little drop....

...can cause a tidal wave!

Now this whole time I haven't told more than a couple of work people about my whole "scenario". In turn out of respect for me they have not said anything to anyone. Well suddenly in the last few days this whole thing has EXPLODED at me.

I already told you what happened yesterday. Well I guess since those two people came to me others have felt they can now too. In the last 7 hours of my day I've had people come up to me and tell me nasty little things I'm not even sure nor do I care if they're true, but I WILL NOT repeat (so don't even ask) about the new girlfriend, I've had MEN tell me what a (and I quote) scumbag they think he is. I've had people tell me they're sorry, but they're glad I'm out of that relationship because I've never looked better. And THAT'S just the tip of the iceberg!

In this whole thing I have NEVER wanted there to be sides. I wanted our break up to turn into a valued friendship with time. I wanted us to maybe be able to get back together down the road so I didn't want to burn any bridges....I still feel the same. It's he who chose the opposite direction. Now because of his own actions, people are siding....and not with him. Trust me, I'm doing just fine....I don't need or want sides. I just need my few good friends to go to when I need it. But it's nice to know your not the only one who thought the situation was more than funked up. I laugh when people feel the need to tell me their dirty little secrets, because I don't care. I laugh because Dayne has created his own revenge for me. I do NOTHING to fuel the fire, I admit, I blog, but only 3 people in this company have the address so I can express myself here.....he on the other hand he throws gasoline. I know Dayne though, and I know he's saying things like ...as long as we have each other and are happy nothing else matters....

....and for a time that's true....until you get bored and the "passion" dies...right?

Does it still hurt...yes, do I still love him....yes. Do I wish the best for him still...of course. But I have to admit in my own mind in my own sick and evil way....it's fun to sit back do and say NOTHING bad about either of them and even defend them at times, but still watch people come to me with their anger towards the two of them.

I think maybe I'm still more bitter than I thought....BUT....life is looking up for me and I'm glad I have some support through all this. Most of the things people are saying are just rolling off my back anyway, like I said, I don't care. The more I hear about it the more it makes me think about it and the more I have him on my mind when truly I'm trying to prevent myself from doing that. I found myself picking up AXE at the store yesterday, cause it was on sale. Wasn't until 4 aisles over I realized what I had done and put it back. He's still there, he still pops into my decision making....I push it out, but I think it's still out of habit. I do find some comfort in the fact that people care...but don't find comfort in the fact they are sticking there noses where it doesn't belong. Hopefully ... 8 months from now, I'll have graduated college, I'll be able to leave this company....and then maybe things will change. Who knows?!

FYI..just for the record.... none of this came from my friends in the warehouse.....

AHHH....I see now....

I find it humorous. BUT it's really not. I finally found out why people have been somewhat whispering behind my back a little. I was confronted at work, then again on the phone later that night. Why you ask?.....People think Dayne is cheating on me.

Turns out not a lot of people know we actually broke up. And in turn a lot of people have seen the new girlfriend and Dayne together. They assumed he was cheating on me behind my back, they were PISSED!

Now not only have I not made our break up public knowledge, but I kept to myself the whole him dating someone else in the company....except for a select few. Frankly I didn't want to make it public knowlegde that I was heartbroken.

I have set the record straight with the people I talked to....yes Dayne broke up with me in January, and yes Dayne is now dating someone else in the company. (I don't know this as fact, but rumor has it they're living together too....but I kept that one to myself, I don't spread rumors.) Funny thing was....the people I talked to yesterday thought THAT was more funked up than him cheating on me. I myself laughed at that comment. Yeah, I felt that way too...but whatever at this point. I can't change nor am I an impact on the decisions he makes anymore. If he's happy, he's happy....I've got other shite to worry about!

One a completely different note. My financial aid appointment went ... OK. I didn't qualify for the grants I was hoping for (thank you republican party) But I did apply for a Sallie Mae loan I don't see a problem getting. I now have to talk to my boss about me returning to school. I'm looking to start soon and in order to do that I'll have to do morning classes ... like 5am to 9am. Then come to work by 9:30 (if not sooner) . It'll keep my nights free for studying and a mini social life. Cross my fingers she'll go for it.