Since something happens to me every weekend in Janurary it seems....

First off...It snowed people! Not just a little but like 2 feet in 24 hours. I'm not big on the cold in the first place, but the cold AND the freakin' snow....PASS! Needless to say the drive home on Friday night from work, NOT FUN! And took almost 2 hours.

Saturday morning I was up bright and early to make the trek back to work pondering on why I didn't just sleep in the restaurant. I then phone pops and let him know 1...I made it to work in one piece and 2...mom's sicker than she thinks.

Turns out...I'M RIGHT. Dad get's home, puts mom in the car practically kicking and screaming the whole time that she didnt want to go. Skip ahead a few hours and I'm getting the call at work mom's having an emergency appendectimy. So next time folks you think it's the flu....but it feels 5 times worse....GO TO THE DOCTOR!

Skip ahead a week till yesterday and turns out mom's pathology report comes back telling her that there was a cyst on her appendix. And that cyst ladies and gentlemen....CANCEROUS. The surgeon seems to think they got it when they removed the appendix, but I'm still worried. She goes to her regular doctor on Thursday....maybe then....after the 2nd doctor opinion. I'll feel better.

I'm losing my damn mind.

No joke people I'm losing it. So far 2005 has gotten off to a REALLY nasty start. It starts with the Brit breaking my heart ... then we move on to the actual first week of Januray where I'm a crazy emotional basket case who couldn't even go one frickin day without talking to or hearing the voice of the Brit...so what happens the second week you ask. Well, I was thinking it wasn't going to be too bad....damn was I wrong.

I started out the week not too bad, then I just went to straight up pissed when I found out the Englishman was going on a snowmobling trip....NICE. Well, slowly but surely I got over that once he admitted to being insensative about it. So I figured I'd keep myself busy all weekend.

I worked Friday night till after 10, went home slept...woke up at 6am to go back to the day job Saturday morning then to Bennigan's at 10:30 to open the bar and work till 7:30pm when I finally got to go home!! Well, I went out with Holly (our plans we made last week) and were joined by quite a few other people for drinks later. Well about the time someone told me I was jealous of Holly cause she was much prettier then I...I knew it was time to go. Fortunely the whole night I'd been getting calls from friends from the city to try and get me to come downtown. Origianlly I didn't want to go..but after that little kick in the face by an unmentioned partier...I decided to get the hell out of dodge.

Well, should've just stayed HOME that night....the night was not all that...just a few friends standing around talking and catching up with LOUD music playing in the background. Well, club closes....everyone's being kicked to the crub, 'cept us, cause we "know people". Well I plant my happy ass on stage to wait for friends to finsih up so we could all hightail it out of there together. Then nature calls. and the damn bathrooms is on the thrid floor. I set my stuff down by a friend, to make the 3 story trek...gone 5 minutes TOPS...come back, NO STUFF!!

NO JOKE PEOPLE! There's maybe like 30 people in the whole damn place and someone took my shit, that was sitting RIGHT next to my friend. Fuckers....so as of this moment, I have no drivers licesne, no ss card, no credit card, shit I don't even have a blockbuster card....I'm a loser.

Brace yourselves ladies and gentlemen....I'm back.

I've taken a small break from the blogging. I had a lot going on with the holidays, my vacation, my personal life, and work. But now I'm finally ready to talk again.

First of all Christmas was a success. Dayne liked his gifts, the kids were ecstatic to get a 13' trampoline and Dayne and I whipped my families ass in Scene It the game. New Year's a lot less exciting. Dayne and I stayed in ordered pizza got some brews and played video games. My ten days off work were relaxing...well that is till the end.

On the very last day of my vacation is when the bomb hit people. For those of you who don't know yet...Dayne broke up with me. Now I'm sure your as shocked as I was with the news. Well, actually I was down right hysterically devastated and thought my whole world had come to an end. I've never felt so alone as I did at that moment. But a week and 3 days later I'm dealing with it a lot better.

I know your asking yourself why....and as my friend Liz's boyfriends says...'What is he an idiot?!' That's not the case. I've come to start to realize, Dayne needs to straighten some things out in his life before he can be with me...or so I don't sound so conceded...anyone. We pushed our relationship to far, too fast and we killed the spark instead of letting it flourish into the fire it could've been. I'm still in the blaming myself/angry as hell stage. But I'm getting better everyday. Amazingly enough he's being so nice for someone who just crushed my heart. At first that made me mad as hell, mainly cause I wanted to be mad and hate him. But I love him too much to hate him. So, needless to say, I'm single again. Who ever said being single was fun...was wrong. I liked having someone to go snuggle with every night. I like actually having someone to call whenever for whatever.

But I'm on my own, and starting to realize that's not such a bad thing. I'm convinced that once Dayne straightens out things in his own life, and I in mine....he'll want me back. At this point though that's just wishful thinking due to the break up being so new. Who know's we could end up like Jeremy and I did...best friends. Then again I never had sex with Jeremy and I already miss making love with Dayne......OK NEW SUBJECT...I'm starting to go off in fantasy world and that's NOT GOOD!!

So I've been looking at some places to live, and it looks like I'm going back to the city. One for the affordable reasons, and too...it'll keep my mind occupied! Anything to get OUT of Wisconsin is good for me. I'm looking at a March 1st move (cross my fingers I pay off Dayne's Christmas present debt by then...) but I'm moving forward and starting a new life.....on my own.

I've come to realize I've lost a lot of my friends by simply not being around or available for the last year. And for those of you who aren't speaking to me anymore. I apologize for being an ass....then again you probably aren't reading this anyway...

The good new is, I have talked to people in the last week I haven't spoken to since even before the Englishman and I got together. Turns out I'm not the only one in break up mode....Tom and Jimmy are both newly single. Jimmy after 5 1/2 years, so I guess I can't really complain too much. That must of hurt MUCH more. Anyway, I have a shoulder to cry on at least....and maybe some strong hands to help me move....one's that won't pass out anyway! (cough...fat kid...cough, cough)

I gotta go, the day's gettin' heated...people are yelling...(what else is new)...and I gotta work! Wish me luck in the new year...Hopefully 2005 will be a good year for Dawn.

By the way....know anyone that wants to buy some furniture?

Look at that date ladies and gentlemen! Christmas is right around the corner! Have you bought me some Christmas presents yet?

NO!!!

Well you better get crackin' :)

Now truthfully, I normally HATE the holidays! I end up spending a ton of money, and ringing in the New Year usually at work, usually alone. BOO! But this year, it's different. I'm actually looking forward to Christmas....getting excited even. This year I have a wonderful man to spend it with. The wife is off to Spain as of the 20th and will not be returning till New Year's Day, not to mention Dayne and I will be on will be on vacation from 5:30 on Thursday the 23rd until January 3rd. So not only will I be living with my lover for 10 days, I'll be vacationing with him for 10 days too! WHOO HOO! That's gift enough right there.

In actuality though, that's not the gift. I did get two of my presents...the kewlest Nextel phone there is: http://nextelonline.nextel.com/NASApp/onlinestore/Action/ViewPhoneDetailAction . And a forensic file casebook....because I'm a loser and spend most of my time watching A&E and Law & Order. There will be more, not lots cause Dayne and I aren't very rich people. He hasn't gotten his big gift yet...crossing my fingers he'll like it.....

So anyway, we had the Christmas party (YAY) and no one was thrown to the floor...unless you want to count the part where Kivi did the worm...nor did anyone have a pitch fit and throw things around...Kelly didn't even get a room this year. BUT there was a lot of fun to be had!! Well fun till the fat kid turned pale white and Dayne and I had to carry him to his room...on the other side of the what seems to be VERY large hotel. All and all....Good Times, Good Times.

Today is my last night at Bennigans before my vacation begins.....only today and tomorrow to get through....deep breaths and I'll make it....

Wanna go play some Molopoly? ;)

Curious? 100 things about ME!

1. I was born on Easter morning March 26 1978.
2. I am the only child from my mother and father's marriage.
3. My parents picked out the name Jacqulyn Gene for me until I was born...they decided I looked more like a Dawn Maire instead.
4. I do have a number of brothers and sisters, but none of them are full blood related. Some of those brothers and sisters aren't any blood relation what so ever ... like Becky... my half brother's half sister's sister. At least my family tree forks....A LOT! :)
5. I was raised Roman Catholic. Baptized, 1st Communion, and Confirmed to the church with 9 years of CCD.
6. Not too many years after that, I decided I didn't believe in organized religion.
7. I had my first kiss in the second grade by a neighbor boy in the woods behind my house.
8. I didn't have my second kiss until I was in high school.
9. When I was 10 I got caught stealing a 10 cent jaw breaker from the corner drug store, and the owner called the cops and everything.
10. But it wasn't the last time I stole....
11. My dad is very out going recovering alcoholic, he stopped drinking in my teens.
12. My mom is a codependent with a very low self esteem.
13. Combine the two, and you have my personality to a tee.
14. I love forensic science anything...books, tv shows, movies etc. I think it drives my boyfriend crazy.
15. I've never been out of the country. I've only left Illinois (besides trips into Wisconsin) 3 times in my life. Once to Washington DC on an 8th grade field trip, once to Puerto Rico for Christmas with my grandfather before the passed away, and once to California for my sisters wedding.
16. I'm too much of a planner that it bites me in the arse sometimes.
17. I started my first job when I was 14 at Taco Bell.
18. I started working 2 jobs by the age of 16 and still do.
19. I've been waiting tables/bartending on and off for 11 years now.
20. I used to like doing, now...not so much.
21. I've only had 3 REAL relationships in my life, but I've dated more than that.
22. Of those three one beat me up, one 'disappeared', and one I'm still with and love VERY much.
23. I have a shoe obsession.
24. I was once committed to a mental institution until my insurance ran out.
25. I don't think it helped much, but I learned to help myself.
26. I LOVE to dance, but don't get to much anymore.
27. I love music...goes along with the dancing...of all kinds, except country and death metal.
28. I have yet to discover my talent.
29. Before I die I want to try rock climbing, skiing, rollerblading, learn to play a musical instrument, travel out of the country & swim in both oceans.
30. I have two tattoos. One on my wrist and one on my ankle.
31. I want more.
32. I didn't loose my virginity till I was 18 and out of high school.
33. I've only gotten flowers 3 times in my life, once on my 21st birthday from my dad, once on Valentines day from my best friend, and my 25th birthday from my dad.
34. I received diamonds once, from my Beth, for Christmas.
35. I got pregnant when I lost my virginity, and miscarried.
36. I got pregnant again when I was 20, and miscarried again the day I went in for an abortion.
37. I think men should have to take more responsibility for birth control....like taking the pill too.
38. I used to want to be a mother REALLY bad, now I have no desire.
39. My oldest brother Rich is gay, and my brothers sisters sister Becky is a lesbian.
40. I'm a faghag and love hanging with gay men going to cabaret shows and bars.
41. I think the president is a racist, moralist, bigot who needs to go take a long walk off a short pier.
42. I hate politics, but for some reason I like talking about stupid things politicians do.
43. I have never registered to vote. And don't plan to.
44. My favorite coffee drink is a Venti Iced White chocolate Mocha w/ an extra shot from Starbucks. I rarely get them cause they cost like $5 a pop.
45. I think Starbucks is a rip off, but I can't help stopping there on occasion cause I love it so much. (It must be the crack they serve with the coffee)
46. I used to be a cheerleader/pom pon girl, before it was the half tops and hot pants uniform.
47. I'm NOT athletic at all, but I am rhythmic.
48. I was a stripper for 2 3/4 months to pay my rent when I was 19.
49. I only have 2 really good friends besides my lover. Jeremy, whom I've known since I was 14 and Beth, whom I've known since I was 20. The rest of them I love to death, but they haven't been through the trenches with me.
50. I think the best feeling in the world is a GOOD hug from somebody.
51. My place were I'm the happiest is in the Brit's arm when I can smell him. It makes me tinkle inside.
52. I love to cuddle ... A LOT.
53. I have wanted to be an interior designer for about 7 years now...even though I really have no ability to draw or design as far as I know.
54. I once worked as a photographer for a living.
55. I've only really truly been in love once....and it's right now :)
56. My favorite alcoholic drink is a Raspberry Stoli (has to be Stoli) Cosmo.
57. I ADORE Mexican food.
58. I really only eat sweets when I'm stressed or depressed, otherwise...I crave salty foods.
59. I busted up my knee cap when I was 17, it still bugs me.
60. I've had stiches in my index finger, my eyebrow, my chin, and my foot.
61. I've been arrested...Twice.
62. I was found innocent...Twice.
63. The first person in my whole life to tell me they loved me (including my parents), was my best friend Jeremy when I was 17.
64. From the ages of 18-20 I wore a size 32AA bra and weighed between 104 & 112.
65. Now I wear a size 38C (which I've grown out of) and now weight between 150-160.
66. In the last year I've gained 30 pounds.
67. I hate myself for it, BUT I know only I can fix it, and I need to get off my fat ass.
68. I have an obsession for food.
69. I'll eat Chinese, Italian, Mexican, American, Thai, Mediterranean....ok I'll eat just about anything...but seafood.
70. I'm allergic to seafood and bees.
71. I went jet skiing for the first time EVER this year.
72. I hate being alone, but I hate the idea of not doing anything for myself.
73. I'm DEATHLY afraid of failure and disappointment.
74. I'm a workaholic, because it's the only thing I seem to do well.
75. I only speak (or should I say email) one person I went to high school with.
76. I never went to college.
77. I never knew how.
78. I'm an social butterfly, but have a hard time expressing my true feelings.
79. I like dressing up and going out on the town on occasion.
80. I'm dyslexic and ADD, but don't believe in taking meds.
81. I now live in Wisconsin, and don't care for it too much.
82. I am a recovering cocaine addict. 7 years sober thank you.
83. I'm extremely sarcastic.
84. I once considered being an actress.
85. My boyfriend taught me how to play PlayStation 2 this year. Now it's an addiction.
86. I love to swim.
87. I work at a paper supply/janitorial supply company by day.
88. I think that plastic surgery is wrong for cosmetic purposes.
89. I hate reality T.V.
90. I have had a big crush on Ty Pennigton from Trading Spaces/Extreme Makeover for about 5 years now.
91. I randomly break out into tune, like 'Funkytown' & 'Safety Dance' for NO reason what so ever and usually when there's no music playing.
92. I can't sing very well.
93. I'm quite weird in my own opinion.
94. I hate the winters bitter cold, but I think it looks pretty.
95. I'm quite easily amused but the strangest things....Like the 'Fat Kid'...he amuses me.
96. I want to take a yoga class.
97. I have a strange addiction to reading other people's blogs.
98. I have always believed I will die at a young age.
99. I think the man I'm dating now is the man I will marry and spend the rest of my days with.
100. I actually could write a 100 more things....well at least 50, but I'll stop now.

I don't know if I mentioned this lately, which I should have, but haven't due to pure laziness, but I love my boyfriend.

NO, I don't think you understand. I love him like more than I have ever loved anyone in my whole life. (well next to mom and pops, but that's a different kind of love). I love the way he smells when he holds me, I love the way he can make me feel safe and content by wrapping his arms around me. I love the feeling I get when I know I'm going to be able to see and spend quality time with him. I love how silly he can be to remind me life doesn't have to be so serious. I even love his quite cute English accent. Very recently I fucked up and almost lost this amazing love of my life simply because I was stupid enough not to show him how much he meant to me.

I never realized before how much you need to tell someone they're the reason you smile, get up in the morning to face the day, or simply just keep your car from driving off a cliff since at this point since life has been on the shitty side. Now, I realize that everyday is something to work for and towards in a relationship.

Beth would be proud of this one....I actually finally realized, through a swift kick of reality, that I have to concentrate on TODAY instead of so much on the future. You would think a child of an alcoholic, and a recovering drug addict herself would have figured this out LONG ago, but NO....I have to plan out every aspect of exactly what I'm going to do and when. I forgot that if I don't concentrate more on today .... there will be no tomorrow.

Well, that's my did bit for the day. Mostly because I wanted to tell my honey I loved him because he deserves it.....I love you....:)

Lots has happened in the past six or seven weeks.....

In mid September sadly enough I had a friend commit suicide. Now I hadn't seen this friend in nearly 4 or 5 years, but he has always been near and dear to my heart. Randy was the type who made you laugh even when he felt like crying. He touched your life in an intellectual way that no one else could possibly think of the creative to reach. He was talented, creative, funny, and a wonderful person who felt as though his life needed to end so suddenly. I still have the birthday card he made for me 6 years ago, proudly displayed on my bullentin board. He will be missed by all of us....Nikki,Clover,Billy,Steve,Joe,Chisty,Kris,Brian,and even Stephanie & I wish you would have reach out instead of giving up. May you rest in peace my friend.

The month of October was pretty blah. Lots of political discussion, LOTS of work to be done. But I did take some time off to go up north to visit my ailing grandpa and introduce Dayne to the extended family. He was well liked (as I knew he would be), and it was nice to be out of town. We did get to tour the Liene's Lodge and Brewery.....fun times had by all. Holloweenie was spent with Kivi and Dayne at a road rally....we placed second out of all the beginners! WE ROCK!!! Although we missed half the stuff we were supposed to find but who cares we had fun...and fought, but mostly had fun. One sad note to October was when Dayne and I came home from up north, we sadly found my Fattie (the fattest cat in the world) paralyzed in the basement. Turns out he had a kitty heart attack and needed to be put out of his misery. It was sad and devastating and hurt A LOT, but it was for the best and he's in kitty heaven now eating all the tuna and ham off the table he wants :)

Now, November....well November hasn't started out the greatest either. No more time off...for a while anyway since were booked solid financially. Bush looks like he won the election so now we have to put up with the racist, sexist, moralistic, bigot bastard that doesn't even have a grasp on the English language for the next four years.....yay....wait NO...BOO. My life will go on even with him in office, but it would've been nice to see a realistic thinker in office. Hopefully the rest of the month will go well......we'll see, we'll see. I am happy for one thing though.... NO MORE POLITICAL ADS, SIGNS, OR RETARDED TELEMARKETERS CALLS! YEAH!!!!!