Brace yourselves ladies and gentlemen....I'm back.

I've taken a small break from the blogging. I had a lot going on with the holidays, my vacation, my personal life, and work. But now I'm finally ready to talk again.

First of all Christmas was a success. Dayne liked his gifts, the kids were ecstatic to get a 13' trampoline and Dayne and I whipped my families ass in Scene It the game. New Year's a lot less exciting. Dayne and I stayed in ordered pizza got some brews and played video games. My ten days off work were relaxing...well that is till the end.

On the very last day of my vacation is when the bomb hit people. For those of you who don't know yet...Dayne broke up with me. Now I'm sure your as shocked as I was with the news. Well, actually I was down right hysterically devastated and thought my whole world had come to an end. I've never felt so alone as I did at that moment. But a week and 3 days later I'm dealing with it a lot better.

I know your asking yourself why....and as my friend Liz's boyfriends says...'What is he an idiot?!' That's not the case. I've come to start to realize, Dayne needs to straighten some things out in his life before he can be with me...or so I don't sound so conceded...anyone. We pushed our relationship to far, too fast and we killed the spark instead of letting it flourish into the fire it could've been. I'm still in the blaming myself/angry as hell stage. But I'm getting better everyday. Amazingly enough he's being so nice for someone who just crushed my heart. At first that made me mad as hell, mainly cause I wanted to be mad and hate him. But I love him too much to hate him. So, needless to say, I'm single again. Who ever said being single was fun...was wrong. I liked having someone to go snuggle with every night. I like actually having someone to call whenever for whatever.

But I'm on my own, and starting to realize that's not such a bad thing. I'm convinced that once Dayne straightens out things in his own life, and I in mine....he'll want me back. At this point though that's just wishful thinking due to the break up being so new. Who know's we could end up like Jeremy and I did...best friends. Then again I never had sex with Jeremy and I already miss making love with Dayne......OK NEW SUBJECT...I'm starting to go off in fantasy world and that's NOT GOOD!!

So I've been looking at some places to live, and it looks like I'm going back to the city. One for the affordable reasons, and too...it'll keep my mind occupied! Anything to get OUT of Wisconsin is good for me. I'm looking at a March 1st move (cross my fingers I pay off Dayne's Christmas present debt by then...) but I'm moving forward and starting a new life.....on my own.

I've come to realize I've lost a lot of my friends by simply not being around or available for the last year. And for those of you who aren't speaking to me anymore. I apologize for being an ass....then again you probably aren't reading this anyway...

The good new is, I have talked to people in the last week I haven't spoken to since even before the Englishman and I got together. Turns out I'm not the only one in break up mode....Tom and Jimmy are both newly single. Jimmy after 5 1/2 years, so I guess I can't really complain too much. That must of hurt MUCH more. Anyway, I have a shoulder to cry on at least....and maybe some strong hands to help me move....one's that won't pass out anyway! (cough...fat kid...cough, cough)

I gotta go, the day's gettin' heated...people are yelling...(what else is new)...and I gotta work! Wish me luck in the new year...Hopefully 2005 will be a good year for Dawn.

By the way....know anyone that wants to buy some furniture?