Setting things right....

I got a letter today.

An unexpected letter.

I find myself surprised by people everyday. Surprised in good in bad ways. Sometimes surprised enough to really make me think. And here's what I think:

First off, I was never mad. Just fed up. Fed up of hearing that I had said things, done things, or was portraying people in a negative way. I know a lot of the things I supposedly said, didn't come from my mouth, but from the imagination of others. I can't prove it, I can honestly say it that with a clear conscience.

I'm a believer in Karma. Good karma brings positive things your way, bad karma can ruin your life. I'm not sure if this letter was about either....but I know it made me feel like a weight had been lifted. Believe it or not as much as I like to 'intelligently argue' with people, I don't enjoy confrontation. I get defensive, and find later all the things that should have been said. Honestly, who doesn't.

I did say things in the past, not so nice things, against two people that didn't deserve it. (Ok, maybe they did a little....) I know I've also said this in the past, but I really don't have a problem with either of them. I was hurt, humiliated and thought my life was over. I felt no one could possibly love me again....and why would they. Because of that, I lashed out against the people who I felt caused the pain in my life. Really, I was the one causing it. For the most part, I couldn't figure out why it was I couldn't get someone I was so close with to talk to me, just for a moment....but I now know why. Would you talk to someone who couldn't say anything nice to you?!

I've come to the realization that no matter how many positive things people can say about you, you can only hear the negative. And for some reason, you can let the good go in one ear and out the other, but the bad just sticks in your head like glue...wandering aimlessly for explanation. Truth is there will NEVER be an explanation. People are going to have their opinions of you, some good some bad. Like you parents taught you when you were young, NOBODY'S perfect.

Break ups are never good, especially when their public. People search for closure, and sometimes, you just can't have it. I know that I loved a man with all my heart, the love faded, it ended. Shouldn't the love we had be all that matters. No he said, she said, could've, would've, should've. Only hoping each one of you can find that kind of love again one day.

I'm happy in my life now, for the most part, but I'll admit, I'm not fully healed. I am over it, the relationship that is. I don't want the relationship back, but I would like to put the past in the past. It's tough to do when you see someone you loved everyday and people in an office situation like to poke at these types of things with a stick to see what happens. Only time can and will heal those 'cracks' that are still left in the broken heart. I found myself defensive and closing people out, but I have now let myself fall in love again, and that love is strong. It's the best thing in my life I could've hoped for or asked for. My family, including my distant relatives, love him, my friends get along with him, and I'm best friends with his sister. He is quickly becoming my best friend, and I couldn't ask for any more for a man than what I have.

I hope it's the same for the two of them, and everyone else out there.

I think all parties involved have apologized enough. It's done. It's over. All our lives are on different plains, on different levels, and moving in different directions. I hope were all on the right track for happiness, if not, I hope all of us will someday find the track we should be on. Even if it does mean you have to admit your not the person you always saw yourself to be. That was my biggest hurdle.

All I can say now is Thank You. Thank you for making me think this hard, this long, and this much on the subject. I think it was clarity I needed, not closure.