Scars

I started crying in the Dominicks today while grocery shopping. I don't cry in public, what's wrong with me? Well, day one of being a non-smoker for one, for two....I was wearing my iPod and Papa Roach started playing....I always end up crying to this song. It pretty sums up how I feel about Dayne and I's relationship....actually every relationship I've ever had....but Dayne I loved so it hurt more.

Why talk about Dayne now? It's been nearly 3 YEARS since we were over. I don't know. Old 'Scars' sometimes don't heal completely and they rear their evil head occasionally. That and I heard some rumors I didn't like about someone he loves, and I don't want to see him hurt as much as I "should" just to be a bitter bitch. Too much compassion as they say makes me want to protect everyone. When am I going to learn ... wearing my heart on my sleeve and taking care of everyone else but me isn't going to get me anywhere too quickly.

Hopefully these new life changes are going to bring something good and positive into my life. Something to make me wake up with a smile, go through my day with laughter and go to bed content with myself. I can to the best for everyone else, isn't it about time I did that for me too? (It's a rhetorical question, you don't have to answer).

Well, day one as a non-smoker is almost done and over with. Can't say it wasn't hard, but it was easier than I first anticipated. I've been sans roommate all day so being alone probably helped. Both her and I ... I have no one to snap at ... she doesn't get snapped at :)
I'll keep you posted. I promise I won't stay this serious...I plan on keeping my sense of humor, just getting rid of the nicotine :)

Scars _ Papa Roach

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassion is in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever come around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
(But you didn't understand)
Now fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel