I think there may be something wrong with me.

I mean really am I the only 27 year old girl who actually wants to be monogamous and get married to someone I love and loves me back?

Honestly, it seems everyone I know now a days has no desire to be in a relationship....or at least a real one anyway. (except you Beth but you've been in a relationship since I met you....Different guys, but always in one) I've got a good friend who can't be without someone and when she isn't she's devastated...for about a week until she finds someone new. Then she sucks that relationship dry....more devastation, more moving on in another week. WHY!!??

I mean honestly I'm not a fan of being single. Which I'm coming to terms with right now. I have very little self worth since the break up, but what the hell....you expected me to be happy about losing someone I love. But there is NO WAY in a week (ok even 6 weeks at this point) I could even think about moving on to the next guy.

Granted I'm a flirt, but it stops there. Harmless flirting. I honestly believed for a while there that the Brit and I would reconcile and he would want me back. Well 6 weeks later and he's officially not even coming out to smoke with me anymore because he feels we need some serious space in order to move on. I wasn't ready for that. Damn my dreams. It's just hard for me to understand how a year ago this same man said he would do anything to be my husband, now he doesn't even want to be in the same room with me because he's afraid we may get 'involved' and that would be bad. How does one change one's mind so quickly.

What ever happened to the times when people actually fought to be in relationships with others. My parents married after knowing each other for 3 months, my father had only been divorced for 7 days when they married. You think a year later when they started to realize they were 2 VERY different people they got divorced and moved on?! NO....my parents toughed it out. Made it a point to do things both he and she liked, found ways to make their relationship work.

Now they had rough times, LOTS of rough times. But you know what they faced them and worked it out. NO ONE DOES THAT ANYMORE. Including me. I do everything in my power to not make waves just to keep someone in my life, I end up losing them. Why?! I have NO idea.

I guess my one dream in life is to just be there for someone and have someone be there for me. I want to be married and have someone to go home to everynight to cuddle with and tell them about my day. I want to be able to fight with someone and know there's no easy walking away and that we'll have to find a solution. I want to be able to help my significant other feel better when they're blue. I want to be there to support my man in rough times. I even want a built in movie partner even when I do want to see the cheesy chick flick or you want to see the bad action movie. I want someone to make dinner for besides myself. And most of all I want to be loved.....and I want to feel like I'm going to love someone like again.

Is this too much to ask?