What a girl wants

I have spent the last several months trying to keep up with this blog, and failing miserably. I’m not sure anyone reads it anyway so it’s more of a ‘for me’ thing anyway. Lately I’ve been finding a lot of inspiration in my daily life I feel I should share with the internet, even if the internet isn’t paying attention.


So I’ve been thinking a lot about who I am and what I want out of my life lately. It happens when you have a lot of extra free time due to being jobless and sick. I’m not a materialistic person. I don’t expect a lot of praise and fame for the things I do. I just want to be happy in my life, and so far the last nearly 30 years have had very few and far between fleeting moments of happiness.

I honestly don’t believe for a second that there is one person on this planet that is happy all the time. Doesn’t matter if your rich in famous, or poor and lonely, everyone has something missing in their lives. For me I think I may have figured out what it is and now all it takes is taking the steps to work my way towards it.
What is this ‘list’ you may ask. Well, not all the things I can wave a magic wand to get, it’ll take time, not mention patience to get. First and foremost, the thing I’ve been working on for 5 years, but keep falling off the wagon with…

My debt. Every time I get a little upset or things are not working out for me, how do I fix it? Retail therapy. I admit it; I’m not even the junkie you think I am. I want shoes and clothes like the next girl, but my worst habit, eating out. Somehow treating myself to dinner doesn’t make me feel as bad as buying a pair of shoes. Mind you if I had the shoes I could wear them continuously and get some use out of the money spent. Nope not me, somehow I feel as though if I spend it on dinner and drinks somehow it ‘doesn’t count’. Guess what? It does... big time.

Then you loose your job, or in my case quit because my job was literally trying to kill me, and guess what you have to do? Live off your credit cards. Wow, you wouldn’t believe how quickly things add up when they’re all going on one card. Well, I do. So guess what?! After the 30th of this month, my first pay check for my new job, no more cards. I’m done. They are going AWAY and I’m only using them in an emergency. Emergency NOT being I want to go for dinner and I haven’t been out in a month, but emergency being I need gas to get to work tomorrow or my car breaks down. No using the card unless I at the very least pay ONE of them off. It’ll be my ‘mini’ celebration. I don’t know how I got myself in this mess, but one things for sure, I need out.

The only way that’s going to happen? Actually become as stubborn as I know I can be. I need to stop ‘covering’ for people and then not actually getting the money for it. Treating me to a $20 lunch does not make up for the $40 I spent on covering you last night. My friends don’t do it on purpose, I know they don’t. But honestly, when’s the last time I asked you to cover for me after the check came? Probably next to never.

Second, I need to stick to my guns about what I’m looking for in my next relationship. I tend to get ‘lonely’ and settle for men who only use me for what I can give them. I’m not even talking about just sex either. It’s always one of three things, they want me to be their rock, but they don’t want to be mine. Just a quick bit of fun in bed, or even worse, financial stability. I don’t know when I became a human ATM machine of sex and money but I’m not playing this game anymore. I’m bored with it. Lose my phone number if your looking to hook up, or you need and ‘advance’ until pay day, or even worse you somehow mistook me for your mother and want me to fix you problems daily.

Yes, I’m ok when it comes to finance. I can budget better than most, but I didn’t budget for you and I’m not going to. Granted I like a little fun once in a while when it comes to bed time endeavors, but I’m tired of all the fun with none of the romance. I may be a guy’s girl and like to sit and watch football and drink beer with you, but it doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to be treated like a girl on occasion! It’s really not that much to ask for. I don’t want you to fall all over yourself treating me like a princess, cause frankly guys who do that and girls who think they deserve to be treated like that all the time make me physically ill. Literally.

But planning a special date or weekend on occasion. Surprising me with a love note or flowers you picked yourself. Or even just a random spontaneous burst of affection that literally takes me by surprise. It’s not too much to ask, and frankly I’m sick of making myself believe that it is. I’m going to hold out until I find it….face it, I’m not going to get any for a bit while I wait, but when I do….it’ll be worth it won’t it. I shouldn’t have to pretend that I don’t care if there’s romance in my life when I do. I REALLY do, I’m not settling for the alright relationship, I’m turning 30 in a few months and damn it I want and extraordinary relationship. I’ve done the single thing this long, I can hold out till it comes my way.

Third….well this post is getting long, so I’ll hold off on three until next time. Gives you something to look forward to.

Till next time, I’ll leave you with random text of the day.

Text from Nikki sent 11/12 1:06 a.m.: I need you to know that we were just pulled over for mooning while driving.