So...where've I been?

I've always said one of these days I'm going to write a book since my life is a walking comedy tour from time to time, but last weekend I ACTUALLY started writing.

From what I hear it takes like 2 to 3 years to write a book so we'll just see what happens. We all know my writing is sporadic to say the least but I got through about five chapters on Sunday. Three of which I've already tweaked.

But here's the taste in case you were curious:



Every girl grows up with the same dream. Fall in love, get married, have kids. Somehow it's ingrained into us from day one with movies like Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty. Fall in love, get married, have kids.

What they forgot to mention in ALL of those fairy tales, the horrible, time consuming, emotional roller coaster that is called dating.

Some people are very lucky. They meet and date a few people in life before they fall blissfully in love. Fairy tale ending and all. Others, well, we're still trying. Kissing one frog after another in the scum filled dating pool.

Now I'm the self proclaimed queen of bad dating, and I can tell you where it all began.

Behind the woods of my house with a boy, Jimmy, that lived on the next block from me. I think I was in the second or third grade. Innocent, sweet, and quick as hell!

My first kiss.

I don't remember the moments that lead up to that kiss, or even the moments after, but I remember the kiss. The beginning of my life long career of liking and/or meeting the wrong men in life. Sure, we all have our stories. Bad dates, horrible boyfriends, the one that 'got away', but mine are doies.

Hilarious, funny, tragic, mortifying my dating life could be described as SO many things. Good on the other hand isn't one of them. I've met some wonderful people along the way, learned some lessons, had some real fun. When life hands you lemons, make lemonade right? But I never thought for a moment life would hand me 30 and single.

I figured if I had to go through this much bad there must be something really great at the end. There had to be! RIGHT?! It's in the plan, fall in love, get married, have kids! Didn't they know the plan?

I know, in 2008 being 30 and single isn't so surprising or unheard of. At least that's what they tell me anyway, but I'm beginning to think there's a list of quotes people get handed when you move into a certain age group you suddenly need something to tell your single friends.

"Stop looking, it always happens when you least expect it.", or "It'll happen for you one day."

My personal favorite, "You're such an independent women, men your age are just intimated by that. They'll come around someday."

Seriously, these are the most annoying things to say to a single girl. I'd much rather hear "If you lost 20 pounds, maybe you'd stand a chance." It would sting a lot less.

So my question is, after that first kiss, do you pick your path? Do you made a choice at that fork in the road that either leads you into the direction of a life of marriage, white picket fence and 2.5 kids or the direction of broken hearts, dirty sex, pints of ice cream and lots of empty bottles of wine?

So..what's going on?

Basically not much.

I had my 'day of doctors' the other day. First up every girls favorite yearly visit...The OGBYN. I love mine. I've been going there for 15 years pretty much and every time I go he makes me laugh so hard. Of course he always gives me the 'Dad lecture' about safe sex which is always fun but then there was this conversation:

Doctor: Ok, scoot down here a bit, well your cervix looks awesome.

Me: Did you just describe my cervix as 'awesome'?

Doctor: I believe I might have.

Me: I believe I'm going to have to put that on my resume.

Most would be put off by these things, I personally thought it was hilarious and felt the need to call Nikki when I left.

Then I went to my new PCP (primary care physician). It was my first time meeting him and I've been through a couple of doctors in the last few years TRYING to find one that will listen to me about my issues so I was a little sceptical. Alex goes to the same doc and seems to really like him so I gave it a shot.

I LOVED him. While I sat and went on and on about my problems with anxiety and sleep and blah blah blah, I actually started to cry. Surprisingly enough, then he did too! Not sobbing tears, but tears....I was shocked and slightly thrilled.

Why thrilled? Because it meant for the first time a doctor is ACTUALLY listening to me about my issues. Instead of handing me a number for a shrink he sat and talked to me about what we could do to fix it. Step by step, not all at once.

To be honest I'm a little scared....scared this is literally going to cost me a fortune I won't be able to afford and then the help will stop AGAIN before it even gets started. He gave me a script for sleep meds, and apparently I need more sun cause I have a vitamin D and K deficiency, but I can't afford to fill the script or get any vitamins till Wednesday when I get paid, so technically Thursday. I figure I don't go back in till a week from Friday so I suppose being a few days behind isn't so bad. We'll see....

On a happier note, I've decided to go running after work a few nights a week that I get off at a decent hours. There's an awesome park by me for it so I'm kinda killing 2 birds with one stone. Weight loss and vitamins (from the sun of course)





I also found out a friend of mine (Mike) is coming home from Iraq in August, WooT! (I also discovered I can chat with him online so that's been my laughter for this evening...Thanks Mike.)...com'n ladies he likes long walks on the beach AND spooning!!






Also my friend Eric is coming home from Iraq in October. From the looks of it, him and his wife might start trying for a family then! I'm thrilled! They will be such great parents.





My sister is due with Cody in Cali any minute now...ok 6 days, but it's her second, so I say any day now. Since Mike and Mer are the best parents I know they will do amazing with their family of soon to be 4 so I'm doing a little happy dance for them!(she will kill me for this pic though)





The little sis, Becky, will be coming in from the west coast too in October for a wedding. Guess who's going to be her date so I can spend some time with her? ME!! YIPPEE!!! I can hardly wait! At least at this wedding she can drink legally! :)

Other than that, life is a little boring. I'm working and living as much as possible, and for the most part, I can't ask for much more than the great friends and family I've got! Lucky girl I am...and Mike just named me the most beautiful girl on myspace **cough..LIAR..cough** but it's a title I'll gladly hold (since it was an awesome compliment) until someone tries to take it from me. Mike, I've been meaning to ask. Where's my crown and sash? Do we have to 'fight' again?

LOVE IT....

You know me I love controversy ... drama, no ... but anything against the 'norm' hell yes!

(really what is normal anyway? And who had the right to say it was?)

That's another WHOLE blog..

This one about the Katy Perry song 'I kissed a girl' I love that song, brings me back to my early 20's and bad girl times with Beth...the video was very Dita Von Teese to me too.

Then I found this remix today! By KhaK Black, he remixes his own shots in with the original video, and it's to say the least ... HOT!! Loves it.. NOT for those who don't like the song; or seeing hot women make out in lingerie.

I'm sharing!


By the way, I'm still not gay doesn't mean I don't know hot when I see it.