Posted elsewhere, moving here...Happy Holidays

I'm not even sure who's going to take the time to click here...it's such a generic headline, but I'm a little bored at work so I thought I'd spill a little....

The holiday season is upon us yet again ladies and gentleman, and I use those terms loosely knowing who's on myspace . It seems like only yesterday I was frantically getting myself together to do a million and a half things in just a few days, see friends, drive to the families house, white trash bar hop and drive to go to Eric and Jen's wedding in St. Louis. Has it ALREADY been a year? Is that possible?! But yes my dears it has.

This year is a little quieter for me. The family is going up to our vacation home; I'm unable to get off work to join them. My roomie is going to Vegas to visit her Dad, so this year, it's just Dawn. (and not in the nickname sense either).

I'm slightly looking forward to a little quiet time. This year has been rough for me. I've done a lot of soul searching, made some major decisions and came to some conclusions in my life, for me this was a LONG time overdue. I keep saying I'm doing it, but don't...or put it off. This time...I took the steps.

Over the last year I really settled into myself emotionally. I'm more 'centered' emotionally than I ever have been in my life. I finally have a grasp as to what I want to accomplish both professionally, romantically, and personally. I know ME better than I ever have in my life. Granted, I'm not real HAPPY with me, but I know me. Anyone who has ever hit his spot in their lives knows what I'm talking about.

I am flawed....majorly and unforgivably flawed. I pick the wrong men to get into relationships with, and I let the potential 'right' one's slip through my fingers. I over eat when I'm bored...what I love to cook. I overextend myself....mainly paying for others, I love to treat people...instead of myself. I'm horrible at calling people back and 'keeping in touch' .. I'm working on it, slowly. I can't seem to 'open' myself up to the people I should, I keep it bottled up inside, or I just cry at night...why? Well in fear of that feeling of failure, I've never been one to ask for help even when I need it and even though I know I could.

Funny, the more you can sit down and name your flaws, the more you’re 'ok' with them. It's like fear, once you've looked it, faced it, it's not a fear anymore. Well, for me it was LONG overdue. I'm 29, not 18...but some of us fall harder than others don't we? By no means am I a giant fuck up...I'm just me...flaws and all and hell ... I kinda like me. If you don't...bounce :)

So, how did I get here you ask? It's a lot less complicated than you think. I evaluated what I didn't like and I changed it. I hated how badly my job treated me, I left. I didn't like the way some 'friends' were treating me, I cut them out of my life. I don't like my financial situation; I took the steps towards freedom. I don't like sitting in the back seat watching people get walked on; I started speaking up....more anyway. There are some things I can't control....dating for example. I can't make the perfect guy fall in my lap, but I sure can try to stop 'falling' for the wrong ones.

I'm content with being single, never actually really bothered me. I'm not incomplete when I don't have a boyfriend; I'm more of myself without one. Would I LIKE to get married and have kids someday....maybe. If it's not in the 'plan' for me will I be devastated and feel empty? No. The two men I always told I was going to just marry someday and get it over with, well they are both happily married now, and I'm THRILLED for them. The one guy I can look back and say I should've given a chance and I could possibly BE married now, well, I was a mean selfish bitch to that someone. Years later, I apologized, but sometimes it's a 'too little too late' kind of situation. If I wouldn't have been such a stubborn ass, maybe I'd be in a different spot in my life. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason though. Que Sera Sera right?

Needless to say, I'm SO ready to KICK THE HELL out of 2007 and welcome 2008. With this new 'perspective' and positive out look, I should be heading in a really fantastic direction, and I have some wonderful people to join me....I heart my friends and family.

So, to all of you out there. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Merry/Happy Kwanzaa...Season's Greetings, Happy Holidays....and all that fun stuff. I wish you all the best for your lives and the up coming year, may it be insightful and expiring to you and the people in your life. Remember, no one is perfect, embrace your flaws and go with it....we're all going to die someday and it's better if we do it happy and with our hearts full of love.

Love you all....see you in 2008 (If not before)