Blur....

That's exactly how I feel about this past weekend.....it was a blur.

I made peace with someone over the weekend I never really thought I'd make peace with. It was a door that finally closed in my life. It has been shut for a few years now, but not lacthed so to speak.

I needed to get some things out of my head. I needed this person to know I cared, but I didn't 'care' like that anymore. There's love, then there's LOVE. I love this person, I always will. But it just can't be like it was in the past. I took advantage a bit due to intoxication (ok so I was a little tipsy) but I'm sure they know that. Hell, it's been a while since we spoke so I thought, why not try and push some buttons, just to see if I still could. It worked, but I probably shouldn't have done it and I apologized.

I was dog sitting so I ended up alone at a friends (with the dogs anyway) . Contemplating a lot. I really loved this person, but I realized, I really love myself too. I like who I've become without them in my life. I've moved to a really good place in my life and I enjoy being here. I don't need anyone in my life to make that better or worse. No one completes me, but me. The other day a friend of mine said it best, 'you're much happier when your single, I like single Dawn better.' I have to agree with that. I've had enough drama in my life, now I'm doing really well about keeping by the sidelines for the most part.

I also realized I think this person really needs a friend, someone they can call when they just need to scream about something and they can get honest reactions with, or have a shoulder to cry on when everything seems to go wrong....I have many of those. I don't think they do. So I'm extending my hand to them in hopes they can accept it as just that. Friendship. I know words have been 'exchanged' in the past out of jealousy and anger....but we're grown ups and if you need me to be here for you I will ... but I'm not going to push so you know where to find me.

On a side note for those of you who knew about my crying fit with Big T last week. He still hasn't called like he said he would.....so basically as one door closed, another is left WIDE open. No drama this time, but a lot of emotion and raw feelings came out of that one. I ruined our friendship a long time ago when I cast him aside at the request of another, I suppose me crying in his car at 6am wasn't going to make it better overnight. Again I'll repeat ... I don't need him in my life, I just would really like him to be. I was myself with him more than I was with anyone and he appreciated me for it. Besides, who else brings me porn home from NY? You can't have more than one 'Porno Claus' in your life ... that would just be awkward. :)