I don't know if I mentioned this lately, which I should have, but haven't due to pure laziness, but I love my boyfriend.

NO, I don't think you understand. I love him like more than I have ever loved anyone in my whole life. (well next to mom and pops, but that's a different kind of love). I love the way he smells when he holds me, I love the way he can make me feel safe and content by wrapping his arms around me. I love the feeling I get when I know I'm going to be able to see and spend quality time with him. I love how silly he can be to remind me life doesn't have to be so serious. I even love his quite cute English accent. Very recently I fucked up and almost lost this amazing love of my life simply because I was stupid enough not to show him how much he meant to me.

I never realized before how much you need to tell someone they're the reason you smile, get up in the morning to face the day, or simply just keep your car from driving off a cliff since at this point since life has been on the shitty side. Now, I realize that everyday is something to work for and towards in a relationship.

Beth would be proud of this one....I actually finally realized, through a swift kick of reality, that I have to concentrate on TODAY instead of so much on the future. You would think a child of an alcoholic, and a recovering drug addict herself would have figured this out LONG ago, but NO....I have to plan out every aspect of exactly what I'm going to do and when. I forgot that if I don't concentrate more on today .... there will be no tomorrow.

Well, that's my did bit for the day. Mostly because I wanted to tell my honey I loved him because he deserves it.....I love you....:)

Lots has happened in the past six or seven weeks.....

In mid September sadly enough I had a friend commit suicide. Now I hadn't seen this friend in nearly 4 or 5 years, but he has always been near and dear to my heart. Randy was the type who made you laugh even when he felt like crying. He touched your life in an intellectual way that no one else could possibly think of the creative to reach. He was talented, creative, funny, and a wonderful person who felt as though his life needed to end so suddenly. I still have the birthday card he made for me 6 years ago, proudly displayed on my bullentin board. He will be missed by all of us....Nikki,Clover,Billy,Steve,Joe,Chisty,Kris,Brian,and even Stephanie & I wish you would have reach out instead of giving up. May you rest in peace my friend.

The month of October was pretty blah. Lots of political discussion, LOTS of work to be done. But I did take some time off to go up north to visit my ailing grandpa and introduce Dayne to the extended family. He was well liked (as I knew he would be), and it was nice to be out of town. We did get to tour the Liene's Lodge and Brewery.....fun times had by all. Holloweenie was spent with Kivi and Dayne at a road rally....we placed second out of all the beginners! WE ROCK!!! Although we missed half the stuff we were supposed to find but who cares we had fun...and fought, but mostly had fun. One sad note to October was when Dayne and I came home from up north, we sadly found my Fattie (the fattest cat in the world) paralyzed in the basement. Turns out he had a kitty heart attack and needed to be put out of his misery. It was sad and devastating and hurt A LOT, but it was for the best and he's in kitty heaven now eating all the tuna and ham off the table he wants :)

Now, November....well November hasn't started out the greatest either. No more time off...for a while anyway since were booked solid financially. Bush looks like he won the election so now we have to put up with the racist, sexist, moralistic, bigot bastard that doesn't even have a grasp on the English language for the next four years.....yay....wait NO...BOO. My life will go on even with him in office, but it would've been nice to see a realistic thinker in office. Hopefully the rest of the month will go well......we'll see, we'll see. I am happy for one thing though.... NO MORE POLITICAL ADS, SIGNS, OR RETARDED TELEMARKETERS CALLS! YEAH!!!!!