Leave of Absence

All,

Ok, so here's the deal since my Facebook status sparked a furry of questions.

As of Friday I will be sort of M.I.A for the next 12 weeks. I will not be in hiding, I will not be in a hole (no one's giving me lotion in a basket), I'm not joining a cult (I don't like Kool-Aid that much) but I have decided to make some serious changes in my life.

I decided I do not want to be on my anxiety meds forever. Believe it or not someday I'd like to have the opportunity to start a family. With my health history, I would NOT be able to do that now or if I continue on this path. No, there's no one in my life (shocker) & NO I'M NOT PREGNANT.

In order for me to stop the anxiety attacks, and possibly start sleeping like a normal person someday I have to make some sacrifices and really make an effort to change my lifestyle. Some of you may get like this in 10 years, but I don't have 10 years to figure it all out. By then I'll be a diabetic, or have serious heart disease or worse. I know I don't tend to 'share' all my problems with all or any of you, but this is something that is really important that I have to do for me.

As of Friday I start a 12 week therapeutic lifestyle program called Firstline Therapy. Basically it's individualized program for me based on blood tests, medical history and time management. It is something my doctor is strongly encouraging me to do and really feels that it will help me get off the meds and on a better path. With any kind of medical or non medical life change, this won't happen overnight, but to simplify it's a program that will help me change my unhealthy habits and forms of behavior.

I desperately need to develop a way to get some 'mental clarity'. As much as I truly love all of you, my main problem is I forget about myself. I worry or take care of everyone else before myself, and lets face it, when I need the help...I don't or won't ask for it. This last year has been extremely difficult for me. Financially I'm destroyed, emotionally I'm crippled, and physically I just can't seem to function properly anymore. I'm not happy, and I haven't been for a long time.

Please do not take any of this personally. I, of course, will ALWAYS be here for any and all of you. If you really need to talk and know I'll get it (Matt) ... I'm here. If you want to stop by and say hi (Katie)... you know where I live. If you just think of something that will make me laugh (Nikki) .. I would love to hear it. Or really need the house cleaned (Alex and Jon) before the health department condemn your place, let me know. But I can not fix your problems or make them my own anymore. 30 years of that have made my body and mind that of a 60 year old. I'm literally falling apart and if you want to keep the Dawn you know and I hope love, I will need every bit of encouragement as possible to keep me on the right track to make sure I don't have my first stroke at 37 like my father.

Trust me when I say this was a rough decision to make. Taking control of your life never is... Not to mention the rough road I'll be taking for the next 12 weeks. I will slip, I will probably fall right on my face a few times though it. I just hope at the end of it all, you'll all still be there and really encourage me to go in the right direction. ... my God I sound like I'm going into rehab!

I'm still 'Just Dawn', I'm still going to pop in to see you from time to time...you are all like family (or are family for that matter). I thrive on the social setting surrounded by those I love the most (all of you) ... it would be impossible for me not to speak with you all or disappear off the planet, you just won't see me as often. With the holidays coming anyway you'll barely even realize I'm gone :) Although if you want to buy me some wicked presents I'm all about it...

Ok, I'm done. If I have ALREADY made plans with you before I made this decision (Jon Anderson I will still try and get us in for Crystal Method, Jimmy I'm still coming to visit!) I will live up to my obligations to you. Otherwise, I hope you'll throw me an email, or a text, or even a phone call from time to time and say hi. (by the way, I somehow left my phone at home today)

Happy Holidays to all of you, I wish the best to you and your families. If I don't have your address I'll need it soon for Christmas cards! See you all sooner than later, or around Valentines day...

Love,

Dawn