Relationships .. Part Deux

So along the line of relationships I've been thinking a lot about about my single status as well. I don't mind being single....really I don't. I've been single more than I've been a couple in my lifetime. And lets just say the couples I've been ... not very great either. I've dated everyone from the junkie, the abuser, the user, to the LARGE child, but it's given me experience to know what I'm ACTUALLY looking for.

I have a tendency to go for the underdog, or the unavailable....I fall hard when I do fall, and I want to take care of the person I'm with in every way possible. Hard thing is, I want to be taken care of too. I want there to be give and take, without me doing ALL the giving and them doing all the taking. I want someone who can talk to me ... and be honest from the beginning. I don't want to find out you hate something I do 3 months into a relationship, I want to know up front what you want, what you like, what your looking for. I end up being the ultimate best friend, good buddy, great secret lover ... It's old.

I want to feel it when someone tells me they love me as much as I HEAR it. It can only go so far when you say it too often without showing it. I want to feel secure with you as much as I want to have FUN and get crazy at times. I want you to think of me as much as I think of you. I love the little things in life, I want to enjoy them with someone else. Someday....someday...
I've had a poem framed in my room since the first guy I thought I 'loved' broke my heart. Not one person has noticed it in 11 years....maybe if they did I wouldn't be here now.


Near You Always ... Jewel
Please don't say I love you, those words touch me much to deeply.

I don't think you realize that power you have over me.

And please don't come so close, it just makes me want to make you near me always.

Please don't kiss me so sweet, it just makes me crave a thousand kisses to follow

And please don't touch me like that, it makes every other seem pale and shallow

And please don't look at me like that, it just makes me want you near me always.

Please don't send me flowers, they only whisper the sweet things you'd say

Don't try and understand me, your hands already know too much anyway.

It just makes me want to make you near me always.

And when you look in my eyes, please know my heart is in your hands.

It's nothing that I understand, but when I'm in your arms, you have complete power over me.

So be gentle if you please, your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth

And it just makes me want to make you near me always,

I want to be near you always.

.....if you get it people, you get it deeply....if you don't, well, you've never really loved someone with your whole heart to have them walk away.

There are rules you know....

Ok, look people...there are rules. Unwritten as they may be, but they're still there damn it!

I think the one that got broken this weekend could be 'Man Law' as a matter of fact.

Here's the rule: If a guy and/or girl calls/texts you after midnight, they're NOT looking for someone to watch movies with. Standard practice I thought...until this weekend.

See, I have an ex, we've always been 'friends' even after breaking it off and seeking new relationships. So when I get the texts starting around 1am through 230am I don't think twice about it. When he convinces me to leave where I am and drive my asre downtown. My thought? I'm getting some...

Now there's always something nice with sleeping with an ex...you don't have the crap that goes along with dating, you know what each other likes, you know there's no commitment in the morning cause that's not what you called for. Believe it or not, even girls look for these things sometimes.

Hey, don't judge, a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do!

What happens when I get downtown to meet him at 3am?

He gives me the girlfriend speech.

WHAT?!?!?! Are you serious? I just left my friends in a bar to drive downtown so you could say 'Hi' cause you missed me? Miss me at 7pm, not 3am damn it, there's rules about late night phone calls. Really, don't you think he'd be pissed if I made him come out by me at 3am to cuddle! I think I may need to get a copy of the 'Man Law' book to him cause he just broke at least 3 rules in that book I'm sure of it.

Now it's Monday and I'm just cranky and aggravated. Remind me the next time he calls ... don't answer!

The theme for 2007?

No Regrets....

Now I've lived my life by this theme, no regrets...but we've all had some now and then haven't we?

Life is such a roller coaster. Sometimes we go for the moment, sometimes we over think every moment we live. This year I'm going to try and make it a point to try NOT to over think so many moments.

This will be rough with my restless mind syndrome and all....but I'm off to a good start. I spent New Years Eve with a couple of co-workers, something I wouldn't normally do considering my 'work' side and my 'out in public' side are 2 DIFFERENT people. I have no shame, those of you who know me know that, but still there are somethings you just don't want in the work place.

And then came the co-workers friend....who made me remember that I don't give a funk! Life is FILLED with 'moments' but it's only the moments you were you get up and get a little crazy are the ones that make a memory. I love those moments. The moments that make people go...what?! or I would never do that! are the moments that keep my life going. Now I know some of you would never in a million years do some of the things I don't think twice about, and that's ok. And I know people read deeper into my moments than what they really are.....and that's ok too. People are going to think what they think of me regardless. I do know the people who have taken the time to get to know me love me because I'm not afraid to have a little craziness in my life.

Life IS worth living people. You just have to remember to live it. So go on get out there, give a stranger a lap dance. Strip down and get in the hot tub naked with friends. Get in your car and drive until your lost and go to a bar there and show them how you get down on the dance floor! Do it, just do it. You'll be surprised how good it feels once your done.